


Abalone

by Kloue



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Cheating, Domestic Violence, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eren has a thick dialect, Explicit Sexual Content, Friends to Lovers, Homophobic Language, It's great honestly, M/M, Original Character(s), Physical Abuse, Racist Language, Rimming, Spiritual, Suicide Attempt, Threats of Violence, Top Eren Yeager, late nights of listening to sad lofi gave me this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-21
Updated: 2019-09-06
Packaged: 2020-09-23 10:56:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 78,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20338978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kloue/pseuds/Kloue
Summary: Levi Mallory steps foot back into his hometown, New Orleans, for a summer visit. With him he strings along his husband, a man he has been with since eighteen, and the baggage of their toxic relationship.A Louisiana Creole man, Eren Jaeger, drinks tropical Kool-Aid he calls ‘juice,’ and pesters Kuchel about the too many raccoons under their patio. He sleeps with his tool belt on, and starts every day with a beaming smile.He tells Levi poetic stories to pass hours, and kisses him long enough to make the summer feel like it passed in a minute.“So, you’re leaving in two more days.” The statement makes Levi’s head pop up from the embrace.“Yeah…” Levi responds. “…I am.”“I’ll miss you.”  He rubs his thumb against his cheek. “I can’t really offer any incentives, such as the mountains or the sea, to make you stay. Honestly, all I have is a beat-up truck.” Eren lays his head on his bicep. “Just know if I did, I’d be offering it right now.”"What would happen if I did stay?”“I don’t know.” His baritone voice conveys. “It’s your world, I just live in it.”





	1. Abalone Shell

**Author's Note:**

> Here it is. The story that has been keeping me from finishing The Nuclear Family. 
> 
> I had been having late nights of listening to sad lofi and R&B. It was Christmas break - and my fingers were itching to write. So I sat down at my wooden desk and stomped out four chapters in one night. Yes, _ one night. _ That's how I knew this story was not going to left in the documents.
> 
> Quick reminders before you read: I used an original character. Is that bad (lmao)? I really did not want to use another AOT character (such as Erwin) because I didn't want to villainize them. So why not create a character, give them ample development, and leave them to be analyzed purely based on that? It's not like he'll transcend to my other stories like I love him that much (trust me, I don't). 
> 
> This story is finished as well. It is supposed to be short story, so I don't think it exceeded 100k? It's ten chapters, but the chapters get progressively longer (up to 11k). Updates will be on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, and Sundays. 
> 
> Definitions of the stones/rocks/gemstones come from a site called "EnergyMuse." I have rearranged to make the definition shorter though.
> 
> Lastly, if you are looking for how my OC looks, assuming you care, I based him off Takumi Ichinose from the anime Nana. Despite Nana being another large source of my inspiration, my OC does have similar characteristics (such as the long hair, smoking cigarettes) but is otherwise mentally unalike. 
> 
> Unless you hate Takumi Ichinose. Then the loathe is all the same. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

_abalone shell_

_shields one from the waves of negativity; full of peace, beauty, compassion, and love; _

_when worn, it is helpful if you are in need of **guidance** in a relationship_.

He tilts the shell and admires the pearly, holographic look. It shimmers in certain directions, though the only light he has is the dim lamp on his desk. Sighing, the male places the shell onto the desk and pulls out a relatively thick needle. He carves a circle in the top-middle area, scraping the shell with high pressures in hopes it would make a solid hole.

After a few minutes of delicate handling, the male finally punctures a fractured hole that barely breaks it in half. He huffs and grabs some superglue, applying it at the cracked area just to make sure it would have some stability. His nimble fingers then snatch a thin, white string that he made from slicing a shoestring.

Though he has the money to buy a proper necklace, he feels that creating the necklace from scratch would make its purpose more real. And thus, the shell hangs heavily on a thin string. He ignores the weight and ties it around his neck, making sure to wrap his hand around the rock and attempt to feel some sort of energy.

And little by little, he feels a small hope that things will work out this week. He gives a grim smile and closes his eyes. He should travel to the beach more often, especially if he is going to find things like this. He tucks the shell under his sheer shirt and stands up from the desk.

It is time to make lunch.

Levi Mallory. Twenty-five years old. Graduated college with a bachelor’s degree in business and computer science. Currently works as an at-home web developer, managing and creating websites for strangers or big businesses. Has a steady income of about eighty-thousand, though his husband makes much more.

He lives in an average two-floor house. It has a living room, two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a kitchen, a basement, and a clean backyard. It is the perfect house. He spends his days off cleaning it from top the bottom, making sure to get the settled dust off the counters and throwing away spoiling food in the refrigerator. He liked to clean. It wasn’t that bad of a chore.

He would fix their bed, as if on instinct. Fluff the pillows and light some candles or incense. He had to make sure the television was on his favorite channel, so when his husband came home, he could undress watching his favorite show. Levi also made sure to brush his hair, take a shower with his husband’s favorite body wash, shave his legs, pluck his eyebrows, and put on loose clothes that could easily be taken off.

It was a routine he got into while he waited for his husband to get home from work. The time between, of course, was when Levi would indulge in his own job. He would send emails of updates about current web development and manage his job gracefully. There wasn’t a day when he didn’t get the job done.

Even today, on April 10th, the routine is still the same, and he has yet to mess up.

Roman Mallory. Thirty-five years old. Graduated college with a doctorate degree in psychology and social work. Currently works as a professional psychologist – making around one-hundred-thousand dollars a year. He has midnight, blue-black hair that is straight as silk. His eyes are a fiery orangish-red, though many see it as hazel.

Levi would know, he has to look into them every single night.

They met when Levi was eighteen and Roman was twenty-eight. Levi was fresh out of high school and exploring the depths of life in college when he ran into the male by accident at a train station. It was a complicated situation, as Levi had pulled a classic move and spilled his coffee. He gave his sorry and attempted to leave, but with Roman’s charismatic personality, it wasn’t hard for him to win Levi over.

He was Levi’s first boyfriend – his first kiss. He had lost his virginity to him and fallen in love with him quick. Levi did not know much about relationships, as the most he had seen close was his mother’s bickering with his father. Other than that, he did not know much.

Mom told him – “_Don’t ever let someone put their hands on you. Especially if it’s your girlfriend!”_ Of course, Levi was ten, and his mother assumed he would grow up to be straight – as most parents did, unfortunately.

Luckily, Levi understood. Even in high school, he would stand his ground against anyone who bad-mouthed him and fought boys who dared touch him. He was not weak. He knew what was right and wrong. He remembers watching television shows as a teen and becoming irritated when women or men had no agency in their lives. It was _their_ lives. No one else should be able to control it but them.

He knows right from wrong, but when there is a middle-ground, Levi is the one to get stuck.

“Fifty-seven, fifty-eight, fifty-nine, sixty.” Roman slaps a pile of money onto the kitchen table. Levi looks down at it in amusement, curious as to why his husband has so many one-dollar bills in his wallet. “I swear, I had no idea I had all this shit. No wonder my wallet is given me ass-pain.” He let out a chuckle and shuffles the cigarette pack. He lifts one out and places it between his teeth before grabbing a lighter.

“We’ll use it for the vending machines at the airport. Get us some munchies.” He gives Levi a grin and lights the cigarette. He blows the cigarette smoke out carelessly.

“You need to start packing by the way. I’m not doin’ all your shit like last time.” Levi boldly announces. His husband laughs, putting the smart comment aside, and watches as Levi walks across the room to put up the dishes. “It ain’t funny.”

“God, baby, I love you.” Roman jumps out of his seat and strolls over to Levi. Smiling, he grabs him around the waist and pulls him in. “Talkin’ to me so reckless. You keep me sane.” He kisses the back of Levi’s neck before running off into their bedroom, probably to start packing for their trip.

_‘I love you,’_ He can’t help the thumping in his chest. “I love you, too.” He whispers though he knows his husband can’t hear him. He takes his hand out from the sink and grabs the shell underneath his shirt. Clenching it, he sighs with relief when positive energy flows through him.

_It’s working_, he assumes.

He cleans the two dishes in the sink quickly. When he makes his way into their bedroom, he finds Roman on the floor packing away some clothes. There is a smile on his face and he hums discretely. Levi almost feels the urge to hug him, kiss him, and tell him how much he adores him. But instead, Levi walks over to the bed and sits down on it slowly.

“Need some help?”

“Nah, baby, I got it. You rest. Dinner was great tonight.” Roman purrs. Levi lets out a sigh of relief and moves the bedcovers away. He cuddles into the mattress and grabs his phone, often looking over at his husband to make sure he is doing well. “Your work go okay?” Roman asks.

“Yeah. Nothing too much.” Levi answers in a whisper. He turns in his bed and watches Roman fold awfully. He gives a smile. “Your packing is shit.” Roman looks up and gives an amused glint. He doesn’t respond, but only continues his packing and trying to fix his folding skills.

Then suddenly, Levi’s phone rings. Levi looks at Roman first before answering. He hugs the phone to his ear and tries to speak quietly. “Hello?” He mutters.

_“Levi, baby! How are you?”_ The warm voice of his mother soothes his ears. Smirking, Levi relaxes and cuddles the phone against his shoulder. _“I can’t wait to see you. New Orleans misses you!”_ Levi chuckles and responds.

“Me too. I’ll be there by tomorrow night. Is Izzy and Far there too?” He gets invested in the talk. His mom groans at the thought of waiting to see her son but otherwise keeps her composure.

_“Of course! By the way, you need to call them after this! They haven’t talked to you for forever. And I know your phone is good and workin’, boy, so you better call!”_ Flinching, Levi rubs the back of his head in guilt and sighs.

“Yeah, I’ll make sure of it.” And after that, they continue into an array of conversations. Levi tries to ignore the subtle glances from Roman while he finishes packing away his clothing that he decided to do last minute.

_“Alright then, baby, it was nice talking to you. Call me when you land and I’ll come pick you guys up! I love you.”_ His mother’s warm voice leaves heat lingering in his gut. Levi responds with a brief goodbye and pulls the phone away from his ear. Just as he is about to dial his siblings’ number, Roman snatches the phone away from him with a goofy smile.

“What’s this? Who you talkin’ to, yeah?” There is a playfulness in his tone. Levi tries to play along, giving a grim smirk and trying to grab the phone back. “Hmm?”

“I’m calling Izzy and Far. That’s it. Give it here –“ He reaches up for the phone and is effective in grabbing it. However, Roman substitutes from gripping the phone to clutching Levi’s wrist. Staring through the arch they made with their arms, Levi tries to release himself. Roman’s grip gets tight enough that it could leave a nasty bruise.

Levi drops the phone automatically, by routine.

“Fine, but I’m calling them later.”

“I finished my packing,” His hands start to roam down Levi’s thighs, clenching tightly every few seconds. The pressure makes Levi scowl, but he otherwise stretches his body to make himself more available. Roman hums in pleasure and pulls his jeans roughly. The short-haired male flinches and lifts his hips. “Do I get an award?” Even throughout all the rough handling, the second Roman connects his lips with Levi’s, the problems seem to fade away.

He imagines himself as a wave when his husband starts to rip his clothes apart. The lovely kiss lingers on his lips, just enough for him to ignore the way Roman grips his neck and pushes him into the bed. He cannot breathe for a second, and the more he pushes him into the bed, the more Levi closes his eyes and foresees himself as a tsunami.

He feels the waves over and over again. His husband's naked thighs collide against his, creating a hungry clap and heavy breathing. Levi grabs the hand wrapped around his throat and tries to find a glimpse of air. The pleasure, radiating from his warm lips, and the _pain_, throbbing between his legs. Finally, after ten minutes of drowning, his husband takes his hand away from his neck and lets Levi breathe properly.

But the waves never stop. Clenching the sheets below him, Levi closes his eyes and tries to imagine himself on the beach again. However, his thoughts are cut short by the sound of his phone ringing. He looks over at his phone on the floor and tries to reach for it. Roman pushes his hand away and slams it onto the bed.

“Wait – I need to answer. It’s –“ A rough thrust cuts him off quickly. Levi curls his fist and resists the urge to punch him, choke him, _hurt_ him. The minute Levi opens his eyes and parts his mouth for a response, Roman kisses him delicately again.

It feels nice. So warm, like it used to be.

“You’re mine.” He whispers in his ear. “All mine. So, worry about making me feel good. Alright?” He doesn’t respond. Levi licks his lips and shuffles his hips uncomfortably. Roman glares down at him with his red eyes. His long, silky locks reign over Levi’s form like a prison. He can’t see anyone else _but_ him.

“Turn over, now.”

And he does. He lets his husband grip his hips and force his head down. He cannot breathe. Levi tries to imagine the windy beach again, but all he can hear is his ringtone and the feeling of the abalone necklace digging endlessly into his chest.

“Levi! Oh, my _baby boy_!” Turning his head, Levi spots his mother from a mile away. She runs over in a floral yellow dress and her hair in a proper bun. She smiles largely and tucks her son into her armpit. Levi curses his small stature in his head and tries to avoid being smothered in her bosom. His mother, Kuchel Ackerman, coos and rubs his head like he is a child. “I missed you so much! I still can’t believe you moved! Never again –“ Kuchel finally opens her eyes and views Roman standing before her, looking dazzling in a burgundy button-up and tight black slacks.

“Roman! Look how handsome you’ve gotten.” Smiling even larger, Kuchel gives a brief hug to the elder male and basks at the view of her family. “God, I can’t wait for you guys to get home. I missed having company.” As they walk out the airport, Roman grabs all of the bags and urges Levi to go spend time with his mother.

“Go ahead, baby.” He whispers. It sends thrilling chills down his back. “I’ll be behind you. Catch up with your Mom.” And so, Levi did. He listened to his mother rant about how his siblings were irresponsible teenagers, often sneaking out at night. She even mentioned how the two came home high off of marijuana, in which she had to reprimand them about how disrespectful it was to be around her intoxicated. It made Levi laugh and reminisce about his younger siblings.

He misses being home.

His mother decides to stop by a cafe to get Levi a coffee. Even though he tells her she doesn’t need to spoil him anymore, Kuchel still demands she has the right to take care of her baby-boy when appropriate. She had not seen him for a year, and this was just the time for her to suck up all the time she could with him.

“No milk or sugar.” Kuchel ceases in grabbing packets. Turning her head, she looks at Levi suspiciously and cocks an eyebrow. Levi shuffles on his feet and looks over at Roman, who was currently standing outside of the Starbucks and scrolling through his phone. “I’m trying to watch my weight. Can we go now?”

“Weight? Levi, you look fine.” Kuchel shakes her head and pushes the coffee toward Levi. “If you are trying to please Roman, you’re making a mistake. That man loves everything about you.” For a second, Levi wants to turn toward her with big bubble eyes and ask ‘_really_?’ As if she knew their relationship – back to back. “Now, come on! Home awaits us!”

It takes them about two hours to get to Kuchel’s house. Levi sits in the front of her car, fiddling with the radio and trying not to play on his phone much. Kuchel rants on and on about her work life. Eventually, she pauses for a second and takes her right hand off the wheel to gesture her son.

“Yeah, I have a guy coming over to fix up my deck. Them damn raccoons and shit keep ruining the structure inside! He told me he would handle it, so hopefully, we can get the pool back up and running.” She swallows spit building up in her mouth from speaking so much. “So, guys, don’t get all protective if you see some stranger in our backyard. I’m paying him, be nice!” She laughs heartily, causing Levi to give a smile.

Roman does not say a word.

Mom’s house is about three years old – so it is relatively new. Levi had bought it for her once he had enough money for it. Of course, Roman pitched in as well, but large sums of the mortgage are paid by her son. So, to hear she was already having problems was making him a bit irritated. Levi didn’t show it though. He wanted to have a good couple of months while he was here for the summer.

“And here we are…” Kuchel whispers as she pulls into the garage. Immediately, before he could touch the handle, his passenger door flies open. Levi looks over to see Roman smiling at him, holding out his hand respectfully. He grabs it happily.

“Thank you,” Levi gives him a brief kiss on the lips. Roman hums and begins to grab the suitcases and bags in the back. Levi feels his mother’s presence behind him.

“Such a gentleman,” Kuchel coos with giddiness in her tone. “Opening the door, getting the bags – ah, where do all the chivalrous men go?” Her voice fades as she starts to walk toward the house entrance. Levi follows a few steps behind her with the ghost of a smile on his face.

Yeah, such a gentleman. Pride flows through his veins like water. His husband is such a gentleman. Handsome, affectionate, kind. A _gentle man_.

“In case you forgot, over here is the kitchen…” His mother’s voice fades out as Levi begins to gaze around the house. His mother adores flowers, so the whole house is filled with roses and lilacs. She is also religious, so there are stone crosses on the wall along with a painting of God. It reminds him of his childhood. It may be a different house, but there is no difference in the atmosphere.

Just as Levi walks around with his mother, he spots a ray of sunlight illuminating a room. He recognizes it as the kitchen, which next to it are transparent screen doors leading to the backyard patio. He then hears an annoying drilling sound and the cluttering of wood. Kuchel tuts her lips and peeks at the backyard.

“Didn’t know he was here so early. Don’t mind him, he comes and goes.” Kuchel pulls open the screen door and leans outside. “Hey, you thirsty?” Levi takes a few steps to look outside along with her.

A man, whether he was older or younger is indistinguishable, squats among the deck with a drill in his hand. He lifts his head up and looks at Kuchel. Then, slowly, he glances at Levi with eyes that remind him of the shell wrapped around his neck. “No, ma’am, I brought some bottles this time!” He picks up an almost empty water bottle and gives a big grin. Kuchel shakes her head and rolls her eyes.

“Alright, smart-ass, I’ll get you some.” The male gives a deep laugh and watches Kuchel walk away from the screen door. Levi stands there awkwardly for a second before realizing his mother walked away. Shaking his head, he gives one last look to the male outside and strolls over to his mother pouring water in a cup.

“His accent is thick,” Levi mentions. He pulls out a chair from the dinner table and takes a seat, making sure to stretch his limbs from the long flight. “Or maybe I been gone too long?”

“Nah, he’s from uptown.” Kuchel laughs while pouring a glass of water. “Sometimes he has me going back to mine! Haven’t heard one that deep since I moved back…” Levi shifts his eyes over at the comment and continues to look out the patio window. “His name is Eren. Don’t worry bout him much, he stays for about two hours or so before leaving.” Kuchel winks at her son and walks toward the doors. “Here you go, fool!”

The new-named worker, Eren, strolls over to Kuchel with a large grin. He gives a brief thank you before gulping down half of the glass. “Thank you, ma’am, I’ll get back to it then.” He waves slightly at Levi and his mother. Levi rolls his eyes and starts to pick at his nails in annoyance.

Great, not only did he have to deal with the noise, but also an over-eccentric worker who probably didn’t know the limits of personal space.

“Hey, baby,” Roman enters the room out of nowhere. He slides into the seat next to Levi and makes sure to rub his hand on his thigh secretly. “I put all the luggage upstairs in our room. You feeling alright?” He smiles endearingly and raises an eyebrow. Levi nods and just gestures the scene in front of him. Roman looks ahead.

“Mom’s worker is outside. You should go introduce yourself,” Levi gives a small smile in amusement. “Make sure you’re comfortable.” Roman raises an eyebrow in confusion. His silky, deep-black hair flows like a waterfall over his chest and back. His fiery auburn eyes flicker from a reddish hazel to a bright red. At least, in Levi’s eyes it does.

“Roman?”

“Alright,” He responds. “I will…but not now.” Kuchel strolls over to the table and sits down at an empty chair. She smiles at Roman and hands him a cup of tea she had been brewing. Roman gives her a thank you and immediately takes a sip. Levi’s jaw drops dramatically.

“What about me?”

“Oh hush, I got it brewing.”

“I wasn’t first?”

“I serve guest first, baby boy –“ She reverts back to his old nickname as a child, “Plus, he just carried all your clothes upstairs!”

“Kiss ass…” Levi whispers. He grabs Roman’s tea and takes a sip, tasting the sweet green tea flavor and being reminded of home once more. “Taste good. You put peppermint in it again?”

“Of course, I wouldn’t dare leave it out.”

“Peppermint?” Roman interrupts with a look of confusion. “Never thought of that. My grandma used to just put in ginger.” Levi gives him a brief smile before handing back the cup. Kuchel ends up sliding his own glass over, it breathing the sweet aroma. Before Levi could respond, Kuchel sits down at the dinner table and sighs in nostalgia.

“I used to work at this real cute diner when I was eighteen – right when I had Levi,” She smiles at the memory. “We would have to wear these cute white dresses and red lipstick while we served. And every night, we’d have to suck on peppermints to keep our breath fresh for the customers.” Her head shakes. “We couldn’t have gum, because that was unprofessional and some girls didn’t know how to chomp with their mouth closed.”

Roman tilts his head in genuine interest. Levi watches him, enamored. “Anyways, I’d always have extra peppermints to bring home ‘cause they gave us too much. So, when Levi started gettin’ older and got sick, I’d make him green tea with peppermint in it. I never had ginger or whatever – I just used what I had back then.” Kuchel takes a subtle sip of her own tea and basks in the flavor. “Now it’s all we drink.”

“That’s funny…” Roman trails off as he begins to reflect on his own childhood stories. Most of it usually consisted of him and his grandmother, since he didn’t have a mom or father growing up. It was a touchy subject he never liked to talk about. “My grandma always used ginger or oranges. Though I didn’t drink much tea growing up. Started drinking full-blown coffee once I hit junior high.” He and Kuchel give a hearty laugh in unison. She started to reprimand him soon enough, making Levi zone out and gaze out at the patio.

The male, named Eren, is lifting brown wood back and forth. His ivory shirt is littered with dirt stains and other liquids. Such as sweat, which is soaking in on the curve of his back. He ignores his deep, cocoa-colored hair that is falling in front of his face. He only pays attention to the wood in his right hand and the nail gun in the other. He is deeply invested in the process and it only serves more entertainment for Levi to watch.

Levi tries not to be obvious as he watches. The guy isn’t exactly quiet, that’s for sure. The nail gun and drill dominate over Roman and Kuchel’s conversation, though they act like it doesn’t bother them too much. After a few more minutes of drilling, Eren lifts the goggles off his face and heads over to the patio doors.

His entrance is immediately noticed by Roman first. His tense form and squinting eyes are enough signs by itself. Kuchel turns around and scowls at the sight. “What’re you up too? Trying to steal more of my water?”

“Oh, no actually.” Eren’s baritone voice interrupts. He gives a small smile and he opens up the refrigerator. “I brought my container of juice for myself. I was lettin’ it cool up before I took a sip.” He pulls out this dingy, old plastic container full of cerulean juice. He grabs a coffee mug and pours it – evidently showing he is pretty comfortable in the house. And by the looks of Kuchel, she did not mind that much either.

As Eren takes a drink, he notices the new person in the room and decides to introduce himself. “Sorry, didn’t see you there. Name’s Eren.” He nods his head at Roman, who gestures back lazily. “The deck is about twenty percent done,” He says to Kuchel. She groans and rubs her eyes.

“Twenty? All that work out there and you say twenty?”

“Well, you gotta think about buffing it down, painting it, staining it, and all other shit that’s gonna make it _shine_.” He moves his hands in a fanatical way that makes Kuchel laugh. She rolls her eyes and leans back in her chair. “Hey, but I got rid of them raccoons! Them bastards were biting through the new wood I had yesterday.” He winks and takes a few more sips of his drink.

“Good, good. You think you can get the squirrels on my roof too?”

“You keep givin’ me task after task I’m gonna be rich by next week…” – are the last words he says before heading back out onto the deck, evident humor in his voice. Kuchel leaves him with a warm smile. Levi can’t help but watch the interaction and wonder just how close the two have gotten.

“You too dating now?” He playfully says.

“Shut it. He is nice company.” She simply says. “He has the funniest stories too. You should sit and listen one day. It’s like talking to a ninety-year-old man.”

“His accent is pretty funny itself.” Roman interrupts. They all agree with subtle laughter. Yet, all eyes linger on the male outside. The one who stood as a sort of unknown anomaly among the family discourse. Well, at least in Levi’s eyes.

Later in the sleepy night, Levi showers with the rock around his neck. It feels heavy, but bathing it in water seems like the most soothing thing to do. It is like a rebirth for him. In cleansing it, he feels he is nourishing the spirit and maybe, just maybe, it will guide him a little bit more. Or, that’s what he hopes for anyway.

The water travels through his ebony locks gracefully and flows down his body like a braided river. His feet shuffle back and forth, humming a small tune as he showers. The musky smell of his husband’s body wash leaves his nose somewhat tense, but relaxed at the same time. After a few more minutes, he decides he is done and turns off the water.

Just as he does, Roman enters the bathroom without care and throughs some clothes onto the sink. He closes the door behind him and stares at Levi’s nude body walking out the shower. Smirking, he grabs the towel next to him and hands it over. “Here, though I wouldn’t mind looking a few seconds longer…” He jokes.

Levi ignores it and snatches the towel. Wrapping it around his waist, he gazes at himself in the mirror and seizes a bottle of lotion in the cabinet. His delicate hands rub the lavender-scented lotion on his body, running over large, sore love-bites on his abdomen and thighs. Roman hums at the sight, the same tune Levi did while he was showering, and leans against the door.

“You look beautiful,” He whispers. Levi ignores him again and just rubs the lotion on his neck. The hungry look on Roman’s face always made him uncomfortable, no matter how many times he did it. Levi knew better than to ask for privacy, or he would get offended and aggressive. He ended up just living with being eyed like prey all these years.

It was always a look less than love, but more than desire.

“I bought us reservations to go out to eat in some weeks.” Roman appreciates Levi’s boundaries and decides not to touch him. Levi looks up from rubbing the lotion into his body and places the bottle away. “We’ll go shopping for an outfit later tomorrow.” He crosses his hands over his stomach and nods his head. “I’ll be waiting…”

And then he leaves. Levi blinks and looks down at his moisturized hands. Grabbing the clothes his husband brought him, he scoffs when he sees short-shorts and a skimpy top in the mix. Of course, he would bring him this. At his mother’s house no less.

Nonetheless, he put it on. The shorts are way too small for him considering he has gained muscle over the years, and the top is sheer enough that one could see his entire chest. Levi ridicules himself in the mirror and hopes to God his mother isn’t downstairs. He wants to get another cup of tea before he goes to sleep.

Slowly sneaking downstairs, he is lucky to see his mother was in fact in her room. The kitchen table is in disarray from their earlier habits. Taking their three empty mugs, Levi pours them in the sink and washes his own. He begins to brew some tea and get peppermint ready.

Just as he began wiping down the table and fixing the chairs, he hears the door to the patio open. He jerks fearfully and turns quickly. There the male stood, Eren, with those goofy looking glasses on and empty mug in hand. “What the hell are you still doing here?” – are the first words Levi blurts. “It’s almost eleven!”

“O-oh, I sometimes work late. Kuchel doesn’t mind.” He strolls over to the sink and dumps out his juice. “Uh, sorry. I didn’t mean to intrude though. I know night time is personal – in some ways…” He lingers awkwardly. Levi scrunches his eyebrows up in confusion at his words, then remembers what he is wearing.

“Shit, my bad. It’s…night time…yeah.” Levi tries not to blurt out the truth, claiming he would never be caught dead wearing this at daytime either. “I was cleaning up. I’ll leave in a few minutes.”

“You’re fine. I was about to head out.” Eren stretches and cracks his back. “And don’t feel embarrassed, I’m wearing these dirty goggles so I can’t see much anyway.” There is a hint of humor in his voice. Levi scoffs and throws the wet rag in the sink. He subconsciously pulls down his riding up shorts and shirt when Eren isn’t looking.

“I’m gonna leave my divine juice here.” He cockily announces after opening the fridge. “Don’t tell anyone, but it’s actually Koolaid, with other secret additions, of course. I’m trying not to ruin my image.” He winks under his goggles, though Levi can’t see it that much, and waves his hand. “I’ll see you tomorrow then. Hopefully, with a shirt and sweatpants.” Levi raises an eyebrow at the comment and rolls his eyes.

“Bye, asshole.” He whispers under his breath. All Levi can hear is the faint laughter of Eren walking back into the backyard and exiting the house by jumping over the fence.

When Levi walks back upstairs, he sees Roman doing sit-ups on the side of the bed. He ends up brushing his teeth, washing his face, and heading to bed. All he can hear the entire night is Roman’s heavy breathing as he works his everlasting anger out.


	2. Fuchsite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you'd like to see the map out of Kuchel's home, the link is in the first few paragraphs. Yes, I am way too invested in this story, lmao!
> 
> warning: verbal abuse and homophobia

_fuchsite _

_the wish stone_

_works to keep the **hope** in your heart burning long and bright._

_mallory_

_the unlucky one_

“Ah, what the fuck.”

Roman wakes up with an attitude. He pushes Levi off of him and rubs a sore spot on his chest. “The fuck is this?” He makes a hissing noise and dwells on the imprint’s soreness. Levi’s tired eyes open slowly and immediately looks over at the time. Seven in the morning. Sighing, he sits up from the bed and rubs his face.

However, he is shocked with Roman snatches the necklace around his neck and jerks it toward him. Levi pushes the older male away and scowls at him angrily. “Don’t grab me like that.” He mutters lowly enough that Roman probably could not hear him. “What the fuck is your problem? It’s too early in the morning.”

“This shit is lethal.” Roman murmurs as he glares down at the rock in his hand. “Sharp as hell. Scratched my chest some. Don’t wear this shit to sleep no more.” He rubs his chest like a little child. Levi rolls his eyes and leans against the headboard. Roman jumps off the bed and grabs a brush on the nightstand. He brushes through his long, midnight hair and lets it fall over his muscular back.

Levi can’t stop staring at the mellow crimson imprint the shell left on his husband’s upper chest.

“I’ll go make breakfast,” Levi mentions. Roman nods and heads over to the bathroom to brush his teeth. Waiting for him to finish, Levi washes up as well, changes into some proper clothes, and heads downstairs. He is thankful not to see Eren outside, though he is sure the male only worked evenings here.

He cooks up some turkey bacon, cheesy eggs, chopped potatoes, and waffles in the span of an hour. Roman comes downstairs first, probably after doing his morning exercises and uselessly playing on his phone. He grabbed a dish full of potatoes and eggs before kissing Levi on the cheek as a thank you. He then sat at the dinner [table](https://ibb.co/0qMZ1BP), munching on his food while typing emails on his phone.

He was setting three other plates on the table when he heard the sound of the front door opening and closing. “Izzy, would you stop dragging your bag? I’m not buying you another one when you wanna sleep over your dumb boyfriend’s house.”

“Shut your trap! And stop saying shit so loud.”

“Whatever, go tell Mom we’re home then.”

“Fine.”

The minute Isabel walks into the kitchen to head upstairs, her jaw drops as she screeches. “_Levi_!” He doesn’t even have time to respond before she is engulfing him in a hug. The smell of cheap perfume and marijuana is distinct on her clothes, but he couldn’t find himself to care. He hugs her back and laughs heartily. “I didn’t even remember – I’m so sorry!” She says and she backs up away from him.

Farlan ends up giving his fair share of hugs and kisses as well. Levi then tells them to shut up, of course, and just eat breakfast. They give Roman a brief hello before ignoring him completely.

He couldn’t blame them – they don’t like him that much.

“When did you get back? I can’t believe you…Mom said you’d be here in two more days.” Farlan asks as he chows down his turkey bacon. Isabel agrees and crosses her arms stubbornly.

“Right! I woulda went to the airport with her!”

“Ay, don’t yell at me. Guess I was a surprise or something.” Levi says. He nibbles on some of the bacon and takes a few bites of eggs before gulping down water. “She should be up anyway. I heard her loud ass feet stomping a few minutes ago.” His siblings laugh at his response and go on and on.

They can’t help but ask question after question. How is Australia? How is his job? Had he made any friends down there? When would he be going back? Would he be here for their graduation next May?

And even after every tiring answer, Levi can’t help but feel content. Farlan and Isabel are technically not his siblings at all – but are his cousins. In the catastrophic event of Hurricane Katrina, Kuchel and Levi had moved to Georgia to only find out his father’s sister died in the disaster. Leftover were two siblings who looked nothing alike, but held a bond like no other. Thus, Kuchel decided to adopt them into their family, and their attachment to the only-child Levi had grown even deeper. 

Thinking about his life before the event made Levi’s eyes deaden. Coughing, he tries to take his mind off of it and grin for his siblings. Kuchel makes her way down a few minutes later and is bombarded with questions. She only laughs it off, claiming she just wanted to surprise her angels.

Soon, Roman tells Levi he is going to warm up the car. They are going shopping today for more clothing, as if the younger male doesn’t have enough already, and rent a car. The second Roman leaves the room, Farlan rolls his eyes and Isabel lets out a sigh in relief. Kuchel chuckles, but annoyance is evidently shown on her face by her children’s actions.

“I see you still have left that douche yet,” Isabel mutters to herself. Farlan laughs in agreement and subtly sips his juice. Tutting his curious lips, Farlan’s brief question on _‘did Eren make this Koolaid again’_ is ignored when Kuchel enters the conversation.

“Watch your mouth.” She growls. “You have to get over this grudge someday, guys.” She whispers low. Levi shakes his head and shrugs his shoulders. Roman has received this treatment from the two ever since he persuaded Levi to move to Australia with him. He doesn’t think it will ever change. “Roman is probably the closest to a good guy Levi can get with this frown.”

“Excuse me -!?” Laughter erupts from the crowd. Levi crosses his arms stubbornly and tilts himself in the chair. “Yeah, whatever, laugh it up. And what about that boyfriend you were talking about when you walked through the door, huh?” Isabel’s jaw drops. Kuchel tilts her head toward Isabel and raises a curious eyebrow.

But, of course, her brother comes to save the day. “I’m sure Levi can find someone a thousand times better than him.” Levi grabs the glass of water near him and jerks it at Farlan, making him flinch and laugh at the gesture.

“Don’t call him an asshole.” Farlan chuckles and shrugs his shoulders.

“If I had a girlfriend, I’d never make her move across the country and away from her family just to satisfy my needs.”

“Yeah, well our situation was different. I’m not a girl and he is my _husband_.”

“God, don’t remind me.” Before Levi can respond aggressively, Kuchel interrupts.

“Well, I love Roman!” Kuchel trails off happily. “He cooks, cleans, is a gentleman, and is the perfect husband material. I don’t think there is anyone better for my baby.” She places a comforting hand on Levi’s back and rubs it. “And you guys are what, seventeen? What do you even know about _love_?”

“I’m just sayin’,” Isabel fades in. “One day you’re gonna wake up, distraught and in pain –“ Levi meets her eyes. “ – because he is gonna end up stealing all your money and scamming you! I’m telling you!” Isabel declares confidently. Scoffing, Levi stands up from the table and grabs his plate of food to throw away.

“He makes more money than me, dumbass.”

“Whatever!”

“I’m leaving.” Levi grabs a bottle of water from inside the freezer and shakes it. “I’ll be back around noon.” Kuchel hums in response and gives him a kiss goodbye. Isabel and Farlan stick their tongues out at him and showing Levi just how much of children they are. He smacks his ass sassily and walks toward the front door.

“Kiss my ass, you two.” And he leaves the house in lovely laughter.

Roman has the car feeling entirely like winter. Levi complains about it once he is in, but is only ignored. He turns down the air conditioner and watches Roman pull out the driveway. He figures they are going to go rent a car after shopping, so one could drive Kuchel’s car home and the other the rental. They stop at a relatively expensive store first.

Roman heads off into his own escapade, probably searching for his own clothes or to find Levi some. Levi is gazing at a handsome, silk blue button-up when Roman walks up to him with a whole velvet outfit in hand.

“It doesn’t fit,” Levi says minutes later after taking off the skin-tight outfit. What, does Roman think he is bone skinny? “I’m not a fucking skeleton. I’ll shop for my own.” When he tries to get out the dressing room, Roman roughly pushes him back in and grabs the outfit from his arms.

“Chill out. And it would have fit a year ago.” He mutters harshly. “Fat-ass.” He says it as a joke, but he knows Levi takes it more seriously than that – considering they’ve had full-blown arguments over it. Levi never had a problem with his weight. Gaining and losing kind of came with living _life_. And it fluctuated the most when he was with Roman, considering the asshole complained when he was _bigger_ or _smaller_ every fucking month.

God forbid he worked out. He could not stand Levi looking “more fit” than him.

You look like a blimp, he would say. You look like a toothpick, he’d say the next day. You need more muscle, he’d whisper in public. I want you softer, he’d say during sex. It was a cycle – over and over again.

“I don’t complain about your fucking issues, so you shouldn’t complain about mine.” Levi confidently says. His tone of voice causes some people in the dressing room to look over at him, concerned if an altercation was going on. “Don’t disrespect me when we’re in public.”

“It was a joke, Levi.”

“I don’t give a shit. It isn’t funny.”

“God, you are irritating the shit out of me.” Roman growls. He leans into the dressing room a bit more and closes the curtain. “I can say whatever the fuck I want to say. What are you gonna do about it?” His voice is so low nobody but Levi can hear him. Roman grabs his wrist and pushes it against his own chest, pushing so hard Levi can feel the shell digging into his chest. “Ugly bitch, fat bitch, skinny bitch – now what? You gonna hit me?” Levi gains enough strength to push him away, but Roman is back onto him with full force.

“Talk to me like that again and I’ll slap the fuck out of you. Don’t think I won’t. You hear me? Don’t ever disrespect _me_ –“ He grabs Levi’s chin and forces him to look into his eyes. “ – in public. Now put your clothes back on.” The way he points makes Levi feel like a child.

No matter how much the voice in his head tells him to fight back and tell Roman to fuck off, there is also the urge to _not_ cause trouble. To lay low and deal with it later.

“Whatever,” Levi whispers the best he can. “Just buy the stupid ass clothes.” Roman decides not to complain about his sassy mouth and exits the dressing room. Levi finishes putting on the rest of his original clothes. When he walks out, he looks back and forth to see if anyone noticed. Luckily, most are indulged in their own looks and not paying attention.

If he could count the number of times Roman had _actually_ hit him, it would fill up only one hand. It isn’t often, so most threats by him go in one ear and out the other. They’ve had talks about those things, and Roman had promised he would keep his hands to himself. Levi had agreed to as well, though he never touched his husband once. Most of it would be in defense, but Roman counted it as such so he did not feel so much like a jackass.

Roman has only hit him a total of five times in their almost nine years of relationship. Only one was in the face, and the others were blows in the abdomen. Levi eventually had deemed it apart of a homosexual relationship. Men are violent people, so it is hard to assume two in a relationship would not get into a fight one way or another.

But by far the worst was the one in the face. It left a dark, violet bruise on his cheek with a busted lip and knotted forehead. That had been the last one – where Levi had hung a knife over their relationship. Of course, Roman apologized and pledged to never put his hands on him again. He even took up frantic exercising to release his anger. It had worked, because Roman had never touched him again.

A couple of months later and instead, Levi has to deal with verbal complaints– which he isn’t sure _how_ to deal with. Couples argue, couples get mad, and couples say mad shit. It becomes natural to hear Roman threatening him and insulting him. It becomes routine, like if Roman _did not _come into the room and threaten Levi that he would _‘beat him in his sleep’_, there is something _wrong_.

Even so, it is never enough for Levi to leave him. He has become accustomed to the life too much. Not only that, but he is _in love with Roman_. He was a beacon in his life when he was eighteen, showering him with love and affection he had lost after the disaster. There is no one he can imagine his life with. Roman _is his_ _life_ and then some. Without him, he is simply Levi Ackerman – a boring recluse in a sad world.

Levi Mallory. He feels it just fits him better.

“You look good in it anyway. It wasn’t tight at all.” Roman whispers to him. They walk up to the car nonchalantly, Levi avoiding to speak and still irritated at their argument. Roman slices the tension by wrapping his arm around Levi’s waist and giving him a charming smile. “You’re perfect the way you are, baby. I was just joking. Don’t act like that. I’m sorry.” Levi licks his lips and pushes at his chest.

“Okay. I get it. Let’s go get the rental.”

“…Give me a kiss.”

“Not right now.”

“I want one right now.” He corners Levi against the passenger side door. He is taller this way, with his shadow covering up any form of sunlight available. Levi closes his eyes and reaches up. Giving him a lingering kiss, Roman takes advantage of the affection and reaches to grab his behind.

Irritation grows on Levi like weeds.

“Get off me.” He growls.

“Fine, fine.” He laughs, though Levi finds nothing funny. “We’ll get the rental. When we get home, I got something special for you. Okay?” Levi nods slowly. Roman opens the door for his lover and closes it. Levi sits in the front seat, reflecting on the short morning and how he just wants to go home.

The rental situation is even worse. Roman ends up getting into an argument with one of the workers who raised the price of their rental. It wasn’t a big deal considering the money they make, but Roman had a way of making everything a big deal. And when Levi tries to diffuse the situation, his husband only tells him to sit down and – he quotes – _“shut the fuck up.”_

So, Levi goes to sit down and shut the fuck up. It takes about two hours for the situation to lift, and Levi had already drained Roman’s phone battery by playing games. Luckily, home is only about ten minutes away so he didn’t have much to complain about.

“I’ll take Mom’s car,” Levi announces. Roman nods and doesn’t even say a word as he enters the rental. He drives off quickly without a care, and Levi can tell by then that he is in a bad mood. Sighing, Levi takes his time with starting his Mom’s car up. He even flickers through the radio a few seconds and basks in the silence. He rolls down the window and says thank you to the worker his husband argued with, hoping his kindness would soothe the tension. It doesn’t, because they ended up ignoring him.

He makes it back home around one in the afternoon. Roman had sloppily parked the rental on the street. Rolling his eyes, Levi parks his mother’s car in the garage and makes sure to not scratch the front in doing so.

In entering the house, he is surprised to see Eren and Farlan dealing cards on the kitchen table. He raises an eyebrow at the scene and crosses his arms. “Aren’t you suppose to be working?” Levi mutters while walking over to the fridge. Eren peeks up from looking down at his cards and openly ogles Levi’s figure.

“Nice pants n’ shirt.” He says. Levi pops open a cool water bottle and cocks a hip.

“You think you’re funny, huh?”

“I’m just doin’ my job.”

“Come on, Eren, I don’t have all day –“ Farlan complains. He shuffles through his cards with a smirk. Eren scoffs and throws down a card. “Ha, you suck ass.”

“I know you be cheating with this shit. Probably have a whole shuffling technique.”

“That’s what losers say.” Eren mocks Farlan’s words childishly, making Levi scoff and walk past them. He stares at the patio. “Hey, Levi, you do somethin’ to make your husband mad? He came in lookin’ like he shit himself times ten.” Farlan questions.

“Stop talking like me. And don’t mind him, he is just being irritating right now.” Levi mutters. He sits down at the table with the two and holds out his hand. “I want to play.”

“Oh, no, no! You have to wait till we’re done!” Eren interrupts. “You can’t rush this! It’s a competition – starting over is for pussies.”

“Might as well, you finna lose anyway.”

“You know maybe I should go work on that deck…”

After Eren tragically loses to Farlan, the three start another round. Five minutes in and Eren is rubbing his face like he is stressed, looking down at his cards like they are bills, and sipping his Koolaid like a crackhead. They play for about an hour before Eren quits. He claims the two are cheating and out to get him, making the other two chuckle and eventually battle against each other.

“My votes on Levi.”

“Levi? You just met this guy!” Farlan exclaims. “We’ve known each other for two weeks!”

“Ay, man – he just has this exterior.” Eren squints his eyes and gets dramatic. “With his eyes and scowl that says _Imma fuck you up_, ya hear me? I believe him. Good luck!” Farlan scowls and throws an extra peppermint at the worker. Eren dodges it and heads out on the deck, deciding it is time to get to work and actually get _paid_ for something.

“I guess this Eren has become our new house puppy, hmm?” Levi cuts the silence. Farlan looks over at him from shuffling cards and shrugs his shoulders. He begins to deal the cards evenly as he speaks.

“He’s a cool guy. A lot cooler than the one we had before.” Farlan mentions. “Last guy Momma hired flirted with Isabel. Was not a good day that day, I’ll tell ya –“

“What? Are you shitting me?” Levi yells. He leans over across the table and lets anger cross his face. “Tell me you at least beat his ass, Farlan? Are you turning into a pussy?”

“I wasn’t there! I came home hours later to find Momma ranting to Izzy, you know, saying all feminist stuff –“ He looks to make sure the women can’t hear him say that. “I didn’t learn until two days later. I was pissed, believe me.” The sibling shakes his head and throws the last card Levi’s way. “But then, we got Eren.”

“And he was the holy savior, I’m guessing.” Levi jokes. Farlan rolls his eyes.

“Maybe. He is a lot cheaper, but works by himself. He isn’t owned by a company or anything. Momma learned about him by her neighbors who had their front and back yards designed by him. They said he was a pretty decent guy, but talked a lot.” Farlan begins reading his cards, same as Levi. “Momma said she didn’t mind considering he was such a cheap price. I come back from school his first day and there he is – talking to Momma about his divine ‘_juice’_ with that thick ass accent and Momma’s laughin’ – and I knew he was gonna stay.”

“You make it sound so amazing out loud.”

“Well, it kinda is. Momma has company and I can tell she’s been a lot happier. They have this…friendly relationship. It’s nice to see.”

“…You don’t think he _likes_ her, do you?” Farlan scoffs at the accusation.

“Oh, _hell_ no. I don’t know how to describe it. It’s kind of like this….mother/son relationship but more relaxed? I don’t know. It’s weird, but fun to listen and see. You’ll see it soon.” Farlan chuckles. “Why do you think Momma keeps offering him more jobs? He is basically her fourth child.”

Farlan goes on to talk more and more about the stranger outside. The way he speaks makes Levi believe even Farlan sort of adores Eren. He talks about how Eren sometimes visits earlier, just so the two could play cards and games. It concerns Levi at first, but once Farlan announces Eren is about twenty-four – it becomes less awkward. Boys will be boys, he assumes.

Eren would make his Koolaid every three days. It is blueberry flavored with some type of infused fruit. Levi had yet to try it, but Farlan claims he has been addicted to it lately, and Farlan _hates_ blueberries. Isabel finds herself stealing it too. The only one who dislikes it is Kuchel, who claims it is too sugary and prefers her green tea. Levi figures he will be the same way once he tastes it.

Isabel and Eren have a close relationship as well. Though, Farlan can not say much about it considering his twin sister doesn’t talk about it. But if he could describe it, Eren immediately acted as a _big brother_ once meeting Isabel. There are no romantic feelings, Farlan makes very clear, but only a personal closeness that is less than lovers, but more than friendship.

It is simply as he puts it – a family dynamic.

In the span of twenty minutes, Levi becomes deeply invested in how much the worker has affected his family in only two weeks. “Two weeks though? You guys act like he is some good spirit or God or something.” Farlan laughs at his accusation.

“True. Guess we were missing you too much.” His voice fades out softly. Levi bites his lip and continues to deal cards, wishing he would have just nodded and left the situation to fade itself.

After the situation died down and they finished their card game, which Levi won by the way, the older male decided it was time to go see how Roman was doing. Kuchel would be back from work soon and probably take up all his time, so it was best to soothe the situation as quickly as possible. Besides, he was hungry and wanted to ask about what to do about dinner tonight (it was their treat).

Roman was nowhere to be found when Levi walked into their guest room. He figured he was in the shower. The dark-haired male ended up sitting on the bed and flickering through the television remote, hoping to find something interesting to watch. The bathroom door then opened and revealed a soaking Roman with a beige towel around his waist. His long hair was dripping profusely, yet the male didn’t care.

Levi looks up at him with a calm façade. Roman licks his lips and begins looking through his drawers. “Was the shower good?” Levi asks. Roman hums in response and pulls out some pants and a shirt. Throwing it on the bed, Levi expects the male to get dressed.

He does not expect to feel his claw-like nails digging into his sore scalp and pulling rough enough that the younger male almost falls off the bed. Instinctively, Levi reaches up and grips the veiny arm clenching his hair with a vice. He does not speak, only stays still as he hears his husband’s slow breathing. “I want you.” He whispers. Levi swallows the lump in his throat.

“Let me get up then.”

“Let me –“ Roman pulls Levi’s head backward and forces the male’s head to turn in an awkward way. Levi sighs in frustration and prevents himself from clawing at his husband’s arm. “Don’t fight me right now.” He mutters. Before the younger could retaliate, Roman tugs his head even harder and pulls him off the bed. He drags the smaller male into the bathroom, where he closes the door and pushes Levi against the sink. “Take off your pants.” He demands.

Levi runs a hand through his now throbbing scalp and hair and glares up at him. “I told you I don’t like that,” Levi whispers to him as he unbuttons his jeans. Roman smiles and reaches up again, gripping the thick hairs and pulling them.

“I do.”

They have sex on the bathroom sink. And for once, Levi can feel pleasure radiating from other places other than his lips. Roman’s wet hair feels like icicles against his warm skin, but it doesn’t stop Levi from carefully rubbing his head as he shutters in rapture. Roman breathes against his neck warmly and doesn’t bite him like he usually does. He even reaches between their intertwined chest and strokes him. The back and forth thrusts, feeling less like a tsunami and more like calm, ocean waves. Levi almost feels like crying – it feels so good.

It is like they are making love.

Roman shutters in release ten minutes later and pulls out instantly. The euphoria, the _utopia_ Levi had been in is shattered. He grabs at his husband’s cold shoulders, wishing for that warmth and release, but he is only harshly pushed into the sink mirror. The lower half of his back stings as it hits the faucet, and the younger male groans in pain. Roman wraps the towel back around his waist and watches Levi body tremble, the forsaken pleasure leaving the younger wanting more.

He mutters an insult, something along the lines of ‘_fag’_, and leaves to the bedroom. The bathroom door’s soft closing finalizes it all. Levi’s quick breathing hasn’t lowered, and his legs haven’t stopped shaking. His heart beats quicker than it ever has.

And now, he feels like crying, but for different reasons.

How long had it been since it felt that good? His legs are still trembling from the pleasure, showing that Roman is _capable_ of these things. Levi licks his lips and breathes in deeply. Of course, Roman had done it on purpose. It was his form of payback for acting like a _bitch_ this morning, he assumes. And though he foresaw something like this occurring, it didn’t hurt any less.

And here Levi is, mourning over the loss of an orgasm when there were so many more things wrong with them.

“Where is my baby?” Kuchel whines when she doesn’t see Levi among the group sitting at the dinner table. She crosses her arms stubbornly as she takes off her heels. “Second day here and he isn’t even active?” She walks toward the table and takes a seat next to Isabel, who was currently working on her homework.

Farlan looks up from his laptop and checks the time on his watch. “He should be down soon. He and Roman are buying dinner tonight, right?” Kuchel nods in response and sighs. She looks outside to see Eren working on the developing deck. She stands up and opens the patio doors.

“What are you hungry for, Eren?” She yells out. Eren looks up from his work with a level of shock. He tilts his head confusingly, making Kuchel repeat herself.

“Oh, I don’t need anything. I don’t want to make you spend your money –“

“_Boy_, what do you want to eat?” Kuchel interrupts sassily. Eren rolls his eyes and cocks his hip at her, imitating her sassiness.

“I’m pescatarian, so anything with no meat for me. How ‘bout crawfish?” He winks. Kuchel wants to smirk, but she doesn’t show it for obvious reasons. She walks back over to the table with the patio doors wide open.

“God, doesn’t get more New Orleans than that.” Farlan leans over his laptop.

“I hate crawfish so that’s canceled. How about pizza?” Just as Farlan suggests it, Roman comes downstairs with a towel wrapped around his hair and reading a magazine. Kuchel sighs in relief and greets him. The older male walks over and sits down next to Isabel, ignoring the glare she gifts him with.

“Thank god! You still buyin’ dinner tonight? We are starving!” Kuchel rants. Roman chuckles and places the magazine on the dinner table.

“Of course, what are we thinking of?”

“Pizza. Just pizza –“

Isabel throws her two cents in. “With barbecue wings, hot wings because Levi likes those –“ She makes sure to glare at him when saying it. “And dessert.” Kuchel widens her eyes and waves her hand at her son’s husband.

“You don’t have to get all that.” She interrupts.

“It’s fine. I’m in a good mood so I wouldn’t mind splurging on food.” He pulls out some money from his pocket and hands it to Kuchel. “Levi and I will just have plain cheese.” Kuchel nods and thanks him. Before she gets up to grab her phone, she reminds herself.

“Oh, do you mind if I get Eren some too? He’s been working all day.” She asks. Roman raises an eyebrow and looks out the screen door to see the male sweating bullets as he worked in the hot sun. Though his demeanor is calm, he can’t help but be frustrated that there is another male in the house to worry about. Nonetheless, his mood is nicely elevated and he does not want to make it awkward.

“That’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” Kuchel smiles and even gives Roman a kiss on the cheek. She leaves to get her phone, thus in return leaving Roman with his husband’s two aggressive siblings. Leaning back in the chair, he openly invites their glaring with happy handshakes and smiles.

“You know, Levi likes pepperoni pizza,” Isabel mentions after a few seconds of silence. She continues to work on her homework with a glare on her face. “And brownies.” Roman scratches the back of his neck and tries not to roll his eyes.

“I know.” Farlan chuckles at that.

“Ayo, Eren! You like pizza?” The tension is crushed at the sound of Kuchel screaming outside. She went out on the front porch to order the pizza without much noise, but now, of course, she is leaning over the backyard fences to yell to the younger worker.

Eren jerks at the sound of his name and stands up. He sees Kuchel waving at him while on the phone. “Uh, yeah! Get cheese with pineapple!”

“With _pineapple_?”

“Don’t start with me!” Eren yells. “It’s delicious!”

“I can’t believe this…” Kuchel whispers on the phone. “Yes, sir, with pineapple. I don’t know what’s happening in this family anymore.” Her voice fades as she speaks. She heads back into the house claiming the pizza is ordered and that tonight is _movie night_. Farlan and Isabel complain that Kuchel always wants to watch old movies, which makes the mother flick them in the ear.

Roman watches it all with a satisfied smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the calmest chapter I've written in this story, honestly.  
next chapter will be here Sunday :)


	3. Obsidian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Don't call it a Lovers' Quarrel."  
\- Moses Sumney

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: physical abuse, graphic descriptions of violence, homophobia, and racial slurs.

_obsidian _

_will assist you in cutting the stress and negative patterns from your life by first bringing them to your **attention**._

Eren’s presence in the Ackerman household had become common at this point. Four more weeks had passed, and Eren was basically finished with the deck. The family was allowed to walk on it and everything, yet he claimed he still had to paint it and design it. It was odd considering Kuchel only wanted him to fix the raccoon situation, but he ended up completely redesigning her patio. 

But there were no complaints. He could take however long he wanted in her eyes. The male was the only person really keeping her sane in the hectic household.

Kuchel sighs longingly as she stirs a spoon in her tea on the dinner table. Farlan and Isabel are at school, and here she is alone. Though yes, her son and Roman are currently in the living room watching a movie, but she does not want to interrupt their private time.

As she listens to the television yell and scream, she takes frequent sips of her tea out of boredom. She isn’t even thirsty really. Honestly, she has been thinking about picking up more hours at her part-time job. She only works two days out of the week since she is technically retired, but she is unsure if she can handle this loneliness anymore.

And with Levi leaving in two more months, she isn’t sure if she can subdue her worries any longer. Her baby boy, her angel, her everything – married and moved out of the country with the love of his life. Kuchel smiles and leans onto the dinner table. She is so happy for them. If there is anyone who deserves a content life, it is her son. He has gone through so much…

Her eyes soften as she reflects on his younger years – preferably after the disaster. She begins to sour over the memory of his long figure walking into a new school, face dragged unbelievably low and a smile unable to stick itself onto his face. She tried to make him happier, she did, but she was having a hard time dealing with the event herself.

She still remembers _his_ face when he told her to leave. Levi’s father, a rather short male with a lot of righteousness nonetheless. Kuchel’s heart thickens at the memory of him. His rugged voice screamed, so loudly she remembers.

_“Go on, naw, I’ll catch up with yew alright?” The male jerks the blinds away to stare outside. The trees blow harshly and branches knock on their windows every few seconds. The streets are becoming more and more like streams, and soon enough they will turn into a filthy river. “It ain’t even that bad yet.”_

_Kuchel shakes her head and stands up from the wooden chair. _

_“We’re not leaving without you, so you can forget that thought.” Levi nods his head with her. He sits on the dry couch, a large raincoat on with thick boots. His heart thumps with fear whenever he looks into his mother and father’s faces, as if knowing something unwelcome is going to occur._

_“God damn-it Kuchel, get yur ass out in that car! I’m not playin’!” The male jerks his wife’s arm roughly. She snatches it back and pushes him. Lifting herself off the chair, she almost wanted to laugh at their height difference. Nonetheless, she is in love with him, and would be damned if she left without him. _

_“What? Ya gonna use yur tall ass against me again, huh? I’m still a man!” He jokes around. Kuchel smiles._

_“Stop joking. This isn’t the time.”_

_“Damn right, now get yur jelly-bean giant ass in tha car! They not gonna wait for yew foreva!”_

_“We are not leaving with you!” Her voice finally rises. “You get your small ass outside and get in that car with us!” Her husband sighs loudly and runs his hand through his hair. The wind outside had begun to pound against the door even more, and the sirens gets louder and deeper. It has become an everlasting echo. _

_“God, yew stressin’ me the fuck aht,” He mutters. The sounds did nothing to soothe his fear. “I told yew I’ll be behind yew. I have mo’ family in town than yew, Kuchel! I cain’t be selfish like that!”_

_“So, you just gonna leave your son?” Kuchel questions. To her, the sound outside is nothing more than background music. “I can’t believe you would put your lif –“_

_“That’s family, Kuchel. Levi’s got yew right nah.” The elder male crosses his arms as he avoids looking at his son. “I need ta make sure my momma’s good and everyone else. Who my sister got? Nobody but two kids and a small ass apartment. I have to be there for her.” Kuchel licks her lips to subdue her protest. He is right. She knows he is right. He has always cherished his family like gold, each and everyone, and there is no way he is going to leave without making sure everyone is okay. _

_The male averts his eyes toward his son. Walking over to him, he grabs his shoulders and clenches them roughly. _

_“Listen, Levi. You take care of your mother, ya hear me? Make sure she doesn’t do no stupid shit.” The child’s eyes widen. “Ya hear me?”_

_“Be safe. Keep your mother safe…and everyone you love safe. Even your lil’ teddy bear.” He grabs his father’s arm and can feel tears prickling up. His father shakes his head and sighs. “Don’t start crying. I promise, I’ll be fine. Please.” He pleas. The child nods his head and looks down, trying not to cry at the thought he wouldn’t have his father by his side. _

_At the sight of her son’s emotional distress, Kuchel cannot help but feel her own throat clogging. She grabs the boy from under his armpits and picks him up. Though he is eleven years old, he is still as light as a stuffed bear. “I swear to god, if you don’t come back –“ The male rolls his eyes and grabs his coat._

_“I got it, Kuchel! I’ll be fine!” He grabs the front door and opens it. _

_And there Hell stands, right in front of them for the first time. _

_Its figure holds running families and flying debris. He reigns water upon them that felt like hail, or maybe fire. The father immediately takes off his coat and covers his son with it. “Go on nah, the neighbors are waitin’.” Kuchel nods and runs down the steps, trying not to slip and fall on the muddy ground. _

_From then on, they separated. Kuchel watches her husband travel down the sidewalk, form hunched and ready to spar against it all. She prays and prays he will come back, that he will be fine. She sets Levi down onto the ground and opens the truck doors. Her neighbors yell at her, claiming that they don’t have much time before it gets worse. And even as she buckles her son in and listens to the yelling, she can’t take her eyes off him._

_If it will be the last time she sees him, she figures she would rather have the memory of him marching off into the abyss with that determined look on his face. Those looks always overpowered whatever things he lacked, such as tall height. Kuchel laughs, making her neighbors look at her like she is crazy. She doesn’t care though. _

_She hopes when he comes back, she can tell him about all the jokes she thought about in the car. She is so invested in her head that she can hardly hear the soft sobs from her son, who was watching his father walk away in an entirely different type of light._

“Mom?” Kuchel jerks out of her nostalgia to see Levi standing before her. He hands over a bowl of popcorn. “We have some popcorn leftover. Want it?” He speaks to her delicately. Even though he is handing it over to her, he is still picking up a few pieces and munching on it. He has always loved popcorn, ever since he was little.

“No, baby, you eat it.” Levi looks at her oddly and shrugs his shoulders, chowing down the food and getting something to drink in the fridge. Her eyes soften once more.

Here her baby boy is - all grown up. Married, happy, financially stable. His father would be so happy to see him. Kuchel watches Levi pour Roman a glass of water and the older male kiss him on his cheek. She feels the love radiating off of them. Levi deserves happiness. She takes another sip of her green tea, though it is ice cold by then.

His father would be so happy.

“Do you remember what tonight is?”

Roman whispers in Levi’s ear. Levi raises an eyebrow as he pours his husband something to drink. “The dinner, remember? At that seafood place.” He looks up surprisingly and can’t help but smile. Roman smiles back thoughtfully. “I figured you could wear that outfit I bought you.” Though he wants to say no, Levi really does not want to have a tension-filled day with him.

“Of course.” He replies, “What time?” Roman hums and leans against the counter.

“Later tonight. Probably around nine or so?” Levi nods and passes him the glass. “I’ll even wear a matching suit and that cologne you like.” Grinning, Levi feels butterflies in his stomach at the thought. Then Roman places a kiss on his cheek, further fueling the contentment Levi felt.

“Honey, I’m home!” A loud shout says from the front door. In walks Eren with a bunch of tools around his waist and face dirty. He gives a wide grin and waves at the three before walking up to Kuchel. “I’ve come to talk my head off and annoy everyone here.” He sits down at the dinner table. Kuchel scoffs at him and crosses her arms.

“Where’s your Koolaid? Finally decided it’s disgusting?”

“Uh, it’s _juice_. And no, I ran out of sugar this morning.” Eren waves his hand. “What about that nasty ass green tea? Taste like toothpaste.” He makes an exaggerated face and gags. Kuchel feels her mood uplifting as she leans back in her seat.

“Your taste buds are already off track because you like pineapple pizza.”

“Hey, don’t knock it till you try it.” He shrugs. He looks up to see Levi and Roman still conversing in the corner. “Anyway, I’ll probably be staying overtime today. I have to replace some wood again. I think raccoons just like the smell of you.” Eren jokes around. Kuchel sighs loudly and runs a hand down her face.

“Great.”

“What? You don’t like my company anymore?” The two flow into an array of conversation, not noticing Levi glancing at them every few seconds. Levi turns around from facing the counter and drinks his water. Roman does the same, but with his body uncomfortably close to his. Levi turns to look at the time five seconds later.

“I’ll go get ready.” He finally announces. Roman doesn’t respond. He is fixated on Eren’s form, who has no idea that he is being analyzed so deeply. Levi clenches and unclenches his husband’s arm before walking past him. He had been zoning out more often lately, and Levi knew better than to push him out of it.

He takes a long bath instead of a shower. He shaves like normal and conditions his hair. When finished, he steps out the tub and lathers his body in scented lavender lotion. He slides into the velvet sweater Roman bought him. It clings to his arms and makes him itch. The pants are even worse, as they suck all the lively movement from his legs and reduce him to slow strides.

But it does look nice on him – as Roman said. He would just rather be comfortable with his husband, rather than anxious and cramped. Levi blow-dries his hair and thinks about the night to come.

A seafood restaurant. Levi loves seafood. There isn’t one food he dislikes. Clams, oysters, shrimp, crawfish, salmon – the salty, ocean taste - it is absolutely divine to him. The fact Roman had remembered, or paid attention to it, makes Levi’s heart warm. The younger male closed his eyes and listens to the wind blow into his hair.

Today is going to be a nice night.

Maybe if he plays his cards right, he can get Roman to end it with making love. The great kind, the kind that leaves Levi’s chest fulfilled and cheeks red all night.

Levi then makes a vow in the back of his mind that he will try his best tonight. He will try to keep his sassiness to a minimum, and he will try to be as compliant as possible. It pleases Roman the most that way. He wants to have a great night just as much as his husband, and if he has to keep his mouth shut and say a few _yeses_ to make it work – then so be it.

Turning the blow dryer off, Levi runs his hand through his hair and admires his appearance. He looks handsome.

Today is going to be an _amazing_ night.

He is speaking it to existence.

“You look gorgeous.” – are the first words Roman says to him when he walks out of the bathroom. His husband had just finished placing on his shoes, wearing a burgundy sweater and coal-colored slacks. They are matching. Levi smirks and gives a brief thank you. Roman walks up to him and gives him a delicate kiss on the lips.

“I’m so lucky.”

_‘That’s my line.’_ Levi thinks.

“Have fun ~” His mother sings when they walk past the dinner table. Kuchel suppresses a giggle at the couple’s matching outfits and waves endearingly at them. Levi scoffs and watches Roman wave back, claiming he should have her son back home by twelve.

Kuchel confidently says, with no hesitation, that he could keep him out as long as he could – as long as they are having a good time. Isabel and Farlan gag at the thought and don’t bother saying goodbye to Roman. It doesn’t bother the elder a bit, considering _he_ is the one who would be having Levi the rest of the night.

In the car ride to the restaurant, Roman plays the radio. Levi relaxes at the sound and feels much more comfortable. They flow into a nice stream of conversation. They talk about what their next vacation is going to be, Jamaica or Brazil, and if they should move into a new house back home. Levi grows excited at the thought of change. They reflect on how they met, and their wedding day, and it all just makes the younger male so _content_.

_‘I’m living a good life.’_ Levi thinks to himself when Roman opens the door for him. They start walking toward the restaurant in kind conversation. _‘I’m living a happy life.’_

He repeats it again.

And again.

“We have reservations. A booth, please.” Roman profoundly declares to a professionally dressed woman. She nods her head after checking her schedule and leads us happily down an aisle. The restaurant is beautiful. It has a naturally dim hue, reflecting deep reds and purples as they stroll. Chandeliers hang so low Roman almost runs into one, but Levi walks under it with no problem. It is something they laugh at when they get seated.

“So? What do you think?” Roman asks once the waiter leaves. He opens the novel-like menu and glances over the food choices. Levi hums and tilts his head.

“It’s decent.” Humor is blossoming off his tongue. Roman laughs and leans on the table to be closer to his lover.

“Liar. I even got us a nice little booth, away from most people.” He gestures their tiny isolation away from the main population of customers. “So, we can eat and talk till our heart's content.” Levi looks at his environment and notices he is right. And though he hates crowds, the alienation makes him feel a tad bit nervous. He casts away the feeling instantly.

_‘Good vibes. Good vibes, Levi.’_ He tells himself. He wishes he could clench the necklace that he has hidden under his chest, just to see if it would make him feel better. “If we did move, we should move to France. I’ve always wanted to stay there since we visited.” Roman raises an eyebrow at the suggestion and shrugs his shoulders.

“It was alright. But we could definitely vacation there next summer.” Immediately, Levi wants to object.

_‘I want to come back here.’ _He declares in his mind. _‘I like coming home.’_ Instead, Levi nods his head and reads the menu a bit more. “We could always leave earlier this summer and go.”

“No, it’s fine. It’d be a hassle.”

“Never.” Roman interrupts. “It’s not like your family likes me much anyways.” The way he says it makes Levi’s chest clench. Pushing a lock of hair behind his ear, Levi ignores the waitress placing two glasses of water on their table and leaving. Roman thanks her as she walks away.

“Isabel and Farlan are kids. You have to learn –“ Levi pauses. “…Just don’t take them seriously. Besides, my mother loves you.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll have to remember to buy her a gift. Her birthday is in a few days, right?”

“Yeah. I already ordered her some aromatherapy shit. Get her a gift basket of incense, she’ll love it.” Roman chuckles at his husband’s language and takes a drink of water. Levi continues. “Or get her a small bible. She keeps them under her bed at night.” Roman nods in understanding and hums.

They get their orders taken. Levi decides to get shrimp and crawfish pasta, whereas Roman gets an appetizing surf and turf. They wait for their orders to get done and continue indulging in mindful conversation. When their food arrives, Levi makes sure to tuck a napkin in his shirt and take small bites. He could feel himself getting fuller at each one.

Roman stares at him as he eats. His steak bleeds, the ruby-red juices tainting his seafood and turning his mashed potatoes into red wine.

“So,” Roman starts. He takes a bite of a thick piece of steak and munches on it. He swallows it down with the _Bloody Mary_ he ordered. “What do you think about the gardener?” Levi pauses in eating and tilts his head.

“Gardener?”

“That dark-skinned boy.” Roman continues. He rubs at his arm when he speaks, scoffing as if to ridicule the male for his tanned skin. Levi begins to play with the pasta on the ivory plate. Roman notices his silence and gently kicks Levi in his shin.

“Hmm?”

“He isn’t a gardener. He is working on the patio.” Levi shakes himself back into reality. “And he’s Creole.” Levi defends, remembering his mother’s description of the male. Roman rolls his eyes.

“Whatever. He is taking awful long on that damn deck. Shouldn’t he be done?”

“He works alone. Besides, I’m pretty sure Mom is giving him more tasks on purpose.” Levi takes a drink of his water and swallows down a burp. “I gotta make sure she has enough money to pay for it.” Roman hums at the response. He leans in his booth and wipes his lips with his thumb.

“If not, don’t help her.” Levi pauses and glances up at his husband. Roman stares back.

“…What?”

“Don’t help her pay for him.” Reducing the urge to yell at the elder, Levi leans in his booth as well and glares at Roman.

_‘Who the fuck are you to tell me what to do with my money?’_ He wants to exclaim. _‘I have a job. I have a separate account. I can do whatever the fuck I want, asshole.’_ The younger male rubs his temples and breathes in. Roman notices. “You need to stop giving them money anyway.” He sourly says.

“Let’s stop talking about this,” Levi demands. Having a _good night_ seems to be steering in the other direction – and Levi had not started it all. Roman ignores his husband’s irritation and adds fuel to the fire. He enters a sensitive domain ruthlessly.

“First you buy your Mom a house, and just yesterday you were talkin’ about paying for those brats’ college? They aren’t doing shit for you in return.” The elder slams a napkin onto the table. “If I hadn’t takin’ you away, they would have sucked you dry. You _know_ it.” Levi licks his lips solemnly. “Always helping. Always giving things away. Always being _kind_.” He bobs his head. “It pisses me off.”

Levi stays silent. That is the best he can do. Maybe if he didn’t respond, Roman would just curse in his head and get over it later. The good night is still feasible, Levi believes, if he does not respond. The younger pushes a lock behind his ear and looks around the restaurant aimlessly.

He feels a painful kick in his shin. Grunting, Levi peers back at Roman and becomes frustrated. “Answer me.” Roman demands. The inferno in his eyes commands Levi to obey, to do what he is told. Levi clenches the table edges and squints his eyes. Roman sits up and leans over the table, just so he could speak to his husband more clearly.

“_Don’t_ look at me like that, Levi.”

“Like what?” Levi says after a few seconds.

“Like you’re gonna hit me.” Roman follows on.

“I’m not.”

“I know you’re not.” He reassures. “You’re like a fucking kitten. Always growling and whining but _flinching_ when I raise my hand.” Roman snorts. “It irritates the fuck out of me. You act so high and mighty. I should fuckin’…” He pauses his thought. He licks his lips and runs a hand down his face. “It makes me livid.”

“I didn’t do anything.” Levi blurts out. “I’m literally sitting here, having a fucking conversation about our future! Now you want to get mad at me because of how I act?” He crosses his arms. “Last time I thought you liked my attitude.”

“I do.” Roman instantly responds. “But you have no boundaries. You never listen to me and you always do the opposite of what I say. If I tell you to do something –“ He raises his voice a pitch “- then I want you to fucking do it. I don’t want to hear any of your righteous bullshit.” Levi halts his response. Roman takes an aggressive drink of his alcoholic beverage between the silence.

“Then what the hell do you want me to do?” Levi questions to his husband. Roman starts bouncing his leg. “I can’t fix anything if you don’t tell me.” Roman thinks about his demands before administering.

“I want you to stop givin’ money to your goddamn family. All they want is to suck that shit out of you and leave you to rot. You buy your Mom a new house and look – it already has raccoons.” He shakes his head angrily. “And I want you to stop eating this shit. You look disgusting.” He gestures the full plate of food. Levi feels his chest constrict. Roman notices, and he doesn’t cease in his ridicule.

“And stop talking to that pathetic ass gardener.”

“He isn’t a gardener.” Levi defends once more.

“I don’t give a shit who he is. I’ll die a thousand lives and then some before I see my husband talking to a fucking wetback –“

“What the fuck is your problem!?” Roman’s rant is interrupted by Levi jumping out of his seat, shock evident on his face. “Did you really just _say_ that? Are you really –“

He breathes heavily as distress still shutters through him. “I’m done. I’m leaving. You’re fucking sick.” Levi boldly claims. Roman watches his husband grab the car keys and run toward the exit.

The look on Roman’s face as he spoke without compassion leaves nothing to be desired. His words echo in Levi’s mind, and the younger male feels stupid for thinking the night would go well. He runs past the front counter. He is suddenly stopped by a thick hand.

“Sir,” A deep baritone voice calls. “You have to pay for the meal.” Levi looks up at the male in disbelief. Just when he is about to tell him that his husband is paying, Roman strolls up to the counter with the most nonchalant aura.

‘_Bastard_.’ Levi insults. _‘Nothing but a bastard.’_ He repeats. He pushes the guard away from him and exits the restaurant. His fingers clench the car keys tightly. Hopefully, he would be able to make it to the car before Roman, so he could just drive off and leave the son of a bitch to take a bus.

He makes it meters away from the vehicle when Roman snatches the car keys from his hands. Roman jokingly taunts his husband with his finger.

“Look at you, doing the complete opposite of what I want.” He kids. “And you still question me.” Levi reaches for the keys, but is pushed back roughly. Roman grabs him by his shirt. “Don’t put your hands on me, Levi.”

“…fine.” Levi complies. He pulls out his phone and swipes up the number for a taxi. This fuels Roman’s curiosity, as he cannot _see_ what his husband is doing. It churns his anger. Levi begins to walk away from the rental car and back toward the restaurant.

Roman clenches his arm and pushes him backward.

“Where the fuck are you going?” He questions. Levi tries to release himself from the grip, but continues to stay quiet. “Answer me.” He doesn’t. Levi begins typing his address inconspicuously. Roman scrunches his eyebrows up in vexation. “So, you’re just gonna text that half-breed while I’m right here? You fucking slut.” He bellows. His fist clench and unclench.

His words catch Levi’s attention. Looking up, Levi peers at him in disgust. He is _delusional_. “What are you even talking about? I’m calling a –“

And the inferno resurrects. His older husband’s thumb fingers the lighter, starting by slapping the phone out of Levi’s cold fingers. The force stings his hand. The combustion begins with a righteous strike in his nose. And it continues nonstop. There is no time for the younger to react, nor defend himself.

It is hit, after hit, after hit.

Every time he opens his eyes, he only sees Roman’s furious expression for a few seconds before suffering another painful punch. He hardly has time to defend himself. He could not even see, and therefore he could barely raise his fist to fight back. It is worse enough that his mouth is bleeding profusely, and with a sudden swallow he feels rocks go down his throat.

These punches come from something more than a fist.

They come from a man sustaining his life on control. These strikes release the pent-up anger, as the male can not fathom losing control. He thrives off of it. It is his water, his nutrients, his sleep – and without it he is nothing but a _boy_.

Roman firmly believes it.

_This_ is what makes him a man.

He pushes his younger husband onto the ground. He decides the younger’s face had enough damage, and kicks him in the stomach instead. He ignores Levi’s attempts to grab his feet, and every time he raises his fist – that anger gets to him again. He strips it away from him, every single fucking time, Levi makes him feel submissive.

This is what makes Roman feel like a man.

“I hate you –“ He hollers in complete loathe. He administers one last kick before backing up, staring down at the male he had _made_ kneel before him. He watches his husband attempt to get up. “Stay down!” Roman screams. He kicks him again. Levi flips over, breathing heavily and body in _agony_.

Roman stares down. He feels a tinge of satisfaction at the sight. Of course, Levi ruins it when he still tries to get up. It makes his resentment even greater. However, instead of attacking the male once more, he watches.

There was never a pain greater, nor a hurt worse than the anguish Levi felt then and there. He can not see at all. His eyes are swelling up substantially, and his lip is busted in several areas. The blood dripping from his nose begins to stain his burgundy sweater, though you can hardly tell the difference.

If someone looked at it, they probably wouldn’t even recognize it at all.

The pain radiating from his abdomen is not as bad as his face, but it still tormented him when he stands up. All he can do is stare at Roman. There is no glaring or grief emitting.

Levi can just stand, trying to control his breathing and determine what he should do.

Then the anger flooded in like a broken levee.

He raises his fist – high enough it could probably coalesce with the adjacent moon. He is shaking, he knew so, but for why - he didn’t. Possibly fear. He does not want to hurt Roman, but there is a difference between love and pain. For Levi, this is simply vengeance. So, he hoists his arm up like a pillar, ready to guide his _redemption_.

Yet the structure stumbles down.

“Whoa, chill the fuck out!”

A random hand grabs Levi’s wrist and pulls him backward. He catches Roman in the same predicament, a group of teenage boys grabbing Roman from under his armpits and trying to calm him down. Levi looks to his side and views more boys holding him back.

‘_No_!’ Levi thinks. He tries to break free, but his arm is so weak from the pain that he can hardly move a muscle. ‘_Move! Let me do it!_’

“Jesus Christ, dude, are you alright?” One of them asks.

“Let me go! You fucking brats –“ He struggles so much that he ends up falling to his knees. The teenager who holds him asks his friends if he passed out, in which Levi gets even angrier. He can see Roman being released and calmly speaking to the boys.

How he could be so calm after this? Levi clenches the concrete below him and spits out some blood.

“Fuck, I –“ He could hear Roman say. “Thank you. I don’t even know what the hell just happened.” Roman rubs a hand down his face and glances over at Levi. “He is my best friend! We just got into a fight over some dumb shit. God, _fuck_!” He feigns anger, even pulling his long hair. One of the teenagers tries to pacify the elder. He claims that fights between dudes happen all the time. It is usually over a girl, he adds.

“I think we need to call an ambulance!” The teenager next to me declares. “Damn, I never seen a guy fight this bad. The fuck he do to make you so mad?” He jokes. Levi closes his eyes and fights down tears. He sits there, feeling ridiculed over it all.

“But…it looks like it wasn’t even a fair fight…” The boy whispers low enough so Roman can’t hear. Roman hardly has a scratch on him, after all.

“Listen, I’ll take him right now.” Roman suddenly exclaims. “Uh, here. Thank you so much.” When he hands the boy helping Levi a hundred-dollar bill, the teenager immediately let’s go and his jaw drops. Roman’s hands are now clenching Levi’s shoulders. “Come on, man. I’m fucking sorry.” He talks in this voice that Levi finds absolutely repulsive. Levi continues to stare down at the concrete.

“Get up.” He whispers lowly.

_“Stay down!” _– the memory of Roman voices contrasts_._

His face twitches. Levi can feel his heart choking.

_‘What do you want from me?’_ He mourns in his head. _‘Just tell me. I’ll do anything.’_ The tears escape silently. He cannot stifle the sobs and hiccups emitting anymore.

Roman’s seen him cry a handful of times. It’s a rarity among family, but to his husband, it is an uneasy sign. Levi crying is equivalent to him signing divorce papers – which he has attempted to do way too many times for Roman’s sake.

Roman sighs and looks over at the teenagers who are still staring at them. He gets back up and walks over to them, feeling in his pocket for a wad of money that will hopefully get them to leave.

The pain does not stop. His tears make it even worse. His eyes are swollen and throbbing, and he keeps wiping them from salty tears. Roman gets the teenagers to leave after some persuasion. The particular teenager who held Levi gives him one last glance before leaving with his friends, happy he had some extra money to spend.

Roman’s footsteps cause tension to seize his muscles. His husband grabs him from under his armpits and forces him to stand. They walk toward the rental car. Roman opens the passenger door and places him in, ignoring the tear tracks on Levi’s cheeks that mixed with blood.

He drives for ten minutes back home until he pulls over. At that point, Levi is still hunched over, processing what had occurred and what the next steps were. This event was different than verbal insults and one-punch hits. This was a full-blown _fight_, where Roman had beaten the younger to a bloody pulp out of pure jealousy. Levi closes his eyes for the hundredth time that night.

He never thought it would go this far. That it would be this bad.

“What am I gonna do?”

Roman starts to whisper to himself in the dark car. He chokes the wheel as anxiety builds in his chest.

“What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do?” He runs a hand through his silky hair. “I can’t bring you home like this, Levi! What the _fuck_!” He slams his hand on the wheel loudly. Levi flinches. His heavy breathing causes Levi to think.

He should open the door and run. Just fucking run. But Roman knows where he lives, and he knows where his family lives, and he could never talk the male out of doing something dangerous if he isn’t there. Levi grips his nose in an effort to stop it from bleeding.

“That’s it…” Roman begins. “Levi, I need you to hit me.”

That makes Levi’s head rise up slowly. “What?” He questions. Roman looks at him so innocently, like a child asking a simple question, before leaning over.

“Hit me. Punch me. Come on, I know you want to! Do it!” His determination disturbs Levi. The black-haired male shakes his head and wonders how he got stuck with such a fucking psycho sometimes. “Fucking hit me!”

“_No_!” Levi finally yells. “Fuck you!”

“Useless bitch,” Roman mutters instantly after his response. “I should have never gotten mixed up with you. Should have left your ass alone. All you do is complain and get what you deserve, and here I am having to deal with the consequences.” He begins talking to himself for the longest time. He turns to Levi one last time.

“God damn it, Levi! Hit me! I can play this shit off as we got jumped, by being fags or something, I don’t know! But I can’t walk you into that house like this!”

“You should have thought of that before you beat my face in.” Levi grimly replies. “You’re a piece of shit and I hope you die.” Roman ignores the comment and thinks in deep thought. Five minutes past before he starts the car up again.

“Okay,” He says. “Okay –“ He repeats. “When we get there, you need to climb in through our bedroom window. It’s not that far up. The window is usually unlocked.” Levi stays silent. “You hear me? Stop ignoring me!”

“I hear you.” Levi solemnly replies. Roman shuts his mouth at the tone. He glances at his husband as he drives. He had stopped crying at the point and was looking at his feet in complete emptiness. Roman could see the normally deep, sensual navy-blue eyes void of emotion.

“I’m sorry.” Roman apologizes after seeing him such a way. Levi continues to stare down at his shoes. His entire body feels like it has been burned by a fire. “You…you upset me sometimes.” He continues. Levi breathes in and out slowly. He aches. Everything aches. Seconds later, Levi realizes he did not respond.

Now he knows Roman dislikes it, and he’d be better off responding.

“I know.” He whispers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Moses Sumney's song "Quarrel" is truly a gorgeous song. But another song I listened to throughout this chapter was called "Chouchou - Children's Shrine." Listening to these really helped me stay focused and keep in touch with Levi's emotions. 
> 
> Also, I'm back in college and I'm so glad I finished this story before the first week. I'm busy as hell rn.  
Next chapter comes out tomorrow. See you all there :)


	4. Aquamarine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Some guys have shown me aces,  
but you've got that royal flush."  
\- Christina Aguilera

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks so much for the 500+ hits! all your reviews keep me inspired. i love you all :') here is a quality ereri moment to soothe your guys' frustration over the last chapter.

_aquamarine _

_this water-like stone washes away stress and fear, leaving room for peace and tranquility in their **absence**. _

_gently brings rejuvenation and renewal to the mind, body, and spirit._

Levi played it off that he had food poisoning and then a fever.

He spent a week in his and Roman’s room, sleeping and taking pain pills like it was sweet candy. Roman made it a habit to bring up frozen vegetables for his swollen eyes, which became dominated by disgusting purple bruises. It is turning yellow by now, a sign that it is healing well. After a couple of days, he woke up able to see pretty well and stopped sleeping with ice bags on his face.

With the swelling down, Levi thought about asking Roman to buy him some makeup so he could celebrate his mother’s birthday the next day. The male had decided it was a good idea considering Kuchel was begging to see her son again, and he probably couldn’t keep her away for long. Farlan and Isabel were concerned as well.

The thought made Levi’s heart warm. After a week of not seeing them, he missed them.

It reminded him that in two more months, he would not be here any longer.

Levi frowns at the thought. He did some final clicks on his small laptop before saving the pictures on a thumb drive. Before he closes it, he glances at the pictures he had taken six days ago.

He looked fucking awful.

Taking the pictures had been miserable. His body was throbbing everywhere, and he felt ridiculous when he decided to take images of his face.

Not only that, but that look of defeat on his face was pathetic to reflect on. He did not even know why he _took_ the pictures. If anything, he wanted to forget that day.

Roman has been treating him well ever since.

Taking care of him, sleeping with him, and even going as far to pay for dinner for a week straight so his mother didn’t have to cook. It was kind. It was nice. He has been trying to make up for it, that is for sure.

But when Levi looks at these photos, it reminds him that Roman _is not _like this all the time.

It becomes a trigger by then. It is a night he has been trying to forget, but the endless memory of it haunts him.

Roman acts like it never happened. It is an unspoken event.

“Here.”

Roman hands over a pale, glass bottle. Levi scrunches his eyebrows at it and grabs it gently. “I think I got the right color.” He continues. It is makeup foundation. Levi hums in satisfaction and immediately gets up from the bed. He heads into the bathroom to try it on.

And just like magic, the yellow sprinkled with deep purple spots is covered. It took about four swipes and pats to cover it completely, but either way, his face looked perfectly normal. He wanted to smile in relief. He could go see his family without questions, and he didn’t have to feel self-conscious. He should feel ecstatic right now.

It feels like it never happened.

“It’s a perfect match.” Levi declares when he walks back into the bedroom. Roman looks back up from his phone and gives a warm smile at the sight.

“Look at you –“ He teases. He gestures his younger husband to get closer. “Looking brand new.” Levi feels Roman hugging his waist. He gives him a kiss on the lips and cheek. “I told your Mom you’d be down for breakfast. She is worried sick about you.” He whispers. “By the way…” Roman pauses and unwraps his arm from around Levi’s waist. “I got a night job.”

“What?” Levi instantly questions. He crosses his arms. “A night job? We’re on vacation, Roman.”

“I know, but –“ He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “I need to get out more. I _need_ to.” His tone is so desperate that Levi decides not to press the conflict any longer. “It’ll be from six to early morning. We can still be together, baby, but I need to get my hands working.” Roman leans backward on the bed and looks at the wall. “I’ll be doing research and other dumb shit. Plus, I’ll have some extra money.”

“That’s the entire fucking night. When are you going to sleep?” Levi blurts out. He can’t help it. Just when he thought they were getting better, his husband goes and does this dumb shit. “Are you trying to cheat on me or something?” He says, though he knows Roman would never do so. The male was far too possessive of his own body _and_ Levi’s.

“You know I don’t sleep much. It’s not an issue.” The long-haired male ignores the accusation. Levi rolls his eyes and cocks a hip.

“What was the point of taking a damn vacation if you were going to work? This is supposed to be our time too.”

“Levi…” Roman begins with a dead tone. “You look so gorgeous right now.” The comment throws the younger off. Scowling, Levi uncrosses his arms and starts to fix their bed’s covers and sheets. Roman barely looks back at him. “Your face is so beautiful. You look pure. Healthy. Unscathed.” Levi thinks Roman is just going to go on a compliment-streak, something he always does when he feels guilty or horny. Roman flips the mood with his next words.

“Don’t push it.”

Levi pauses in his actions. “What do you mean?” He continues his clean up. Roman gets up from the edge of the bed and sighs. He is faced away from Levi, so the dark-haired male can’t see his facial expression. Roman walks over to a desk on the left side of the room and digs for clothing.

“Don’t push it.” He repeats. Levi slows his actions down as he reflects over the words. When the meaning finally hits him, he decides Roman going to work at night would probably be the best for them right now.

“I made you some chicken soup with celery, carrots, onion, peppers, and egg noodles!”

Kuchel beams when she sees her son for the first time in a week.

When Roman had told her he had gotten food poisoning that night, she had been worried sick. Roman’s words relaxed her when he announced he took Levi to the hospital, where the doctor prescribed him medicines to help him heal. The whole ordeal sounded normal to Kuchel, and she figured him being on bed rest would be best for his body.

Then Roman said he got a fever.

This worried Kuchel even more, and she almost marched up the steps to see her son herself. Of course, Roman stopped her, claiming that Levi did not like to be bothered during these times and preferred to have peace. It was shocking.

As far as Kuchel was concerned, Levi adored his mother bringing him green tea and peppermints as a remedy. He told her his fevers and colds resulted in his most content memories.

But Kuchel sighed and nodded her head.

People change, and her son was no exclusion.

During the fifth day of not seeing her son, Kuchel called an old friend who worked at a clinic to come see him. This was when Roman was not home and more than likely going grocery shopping (he had been cooking and cleaning the days prior). Isabel had knocked on Levi’s door, obviously impatient and desperate to see her brother. Levi had told her he was still not feeling well and didn’t want to get anyone else sick.

Sure, it made sense, but her son was very stubborn and she’d be damned if she left all the caretaking to Roman.

However, the minute Roman came home and Kuchel mentioned her friend, he became silent.

He did this certain sigh and walk. He ran his hand through his long hair several times before looking at Kuchel. Then he smiled – an odd juxtapose when it came to how he was physically acting.

“I’ll go ask if he wants to see her.” He simply said. Ten minutes later, Roman came back downstairs with a joyful look on his face – claiming Levi’s fever had broke and would probably be out tonight. “Though, we could still do a check-up if you wanted?”

Kuchel was so overwhelmed with joy - she declined. She was just happy her son was doing well. Kuchel stayed up till night, waiting at the kitchen table for her son to come downstairs and greet her. She missed her baby, and she could not wait to have some tea and talk all night long with him again.

But he never came.

At that point, Kuchel was irritated, and she promised the next morning she would march up those steps and drag his ass out herself. Roman obviously was not demanding enough. She cooked breakfast angrily, concerning Farlan and Isabel who were sipping juice while waiting for the school bus. She compiled leftover vegetables that Roman bought and made chicken soup. Levi would eat all of it even if she had to get him a feeding tube.

Her son was no punk, and if he thought a fever was enough to make him bedridden for a week, he was obviously out of his damn mind. No more babying. Levi was going to get up and be active no matter how he felt. He would drink some _Gatorade_, to get those electrolytes up, and eat this damn soup.

So, that is what Levi did when he got downstairs. He sat at the kitchen table, caught up with his siblings, and made sure to lick the bowl clean to satisfy his mother’s worries.

“Are you feeling alright, baby boy?” Kuchel questions after a few minutes past. She looks into her boy’s eyes that are heavy with fatigue. Levi raises an eyebrow and sips at the gross _Gatorade_ his mother handed him. It isn’t the coffee or tea he expected so early in the morning.

“Yeah, Mom, it was just some undercooked chicken. I’m not going to die…”

“I once ate raw chicken once.” Farlan reminisces. He had grabbed himself a bowl of cereal and was chowing down like his life depended on it. “But I was sensible and spit it out. It tasted like iron and water.”

“Shut up, asshole.”

“I once ate raw steak.” Isabel chimed in. Levi scoffs.

“Yeah, it’s called a quality _rare_. You wouldn’t know what that tastes like since you spend twenty minutes chewing on a well-done.” Farlan holds in a laugh at Levi’s words, but fails miserably when some milk dribbles out his mouth. Isabel’s jaw drops.

“I’m not the one eating a slab of undercooked meat on a plate!”

“_And_ you put steak sauce on your steaks. Disgusting.”

“Mom –“ Isabel gestures Kuchel who is nibbling on a small bowl of cereal. “Get your son.” Kuchel just smiles and gives a small squeal. It makes the three siblings look at her in concern and scrunch up their eyebrows. Kuchel sighs and places her hand on her heart.

“Aww, I miss you guys so much!” She whines. The three groan at her overdone affection and dilute the argument, just for the sake of keeping a smile on their mother’s face. Soon enough, Kuchel’s phone rings an annoying tone and causes her happiness to fade. She picks up her phone and frowns at the caller I.D. Answering, Levi tries to mind his business and indulge in more conversation with his siblings.

“Eren?” She murmurs. Kuchel leans away from the three and stands up. She walks into the living room feet away and listens to the other line, curious on why the bright-eyed male is calling her so early in the morning.

“Hello?”

_“Heyyyy, Kuchel!”_ Eren’s normally ecstatic voice fills her right ear, though it lacks true realism. _“I was wonderin’ if I could work overtime today? I know it’s out of pocket for me but um…” _He pauses and laughs to fill the silence he created. _“I kind of need some money right now? If not, that is totally fine! I’ll probably go work on some other nasty yards I’ve seen around the neighborhood, ya know?”_ Kuchel hums in understanding and rests her left hand under her right elbow.

“What time?” She questions.

_“Ummm…right now? I don’t know when I’ll leave. Sometime late at night?”_

“You tryna run my money dry, huh?” Kuchel jokes with a smile.

_“Yeah, sorry…”_ His voice deepens_. “I’m serious if it’s not possible though. I have plenty of other people, Kuchel. I just prefer you because…uh…you know, you actually talk to me and stuff!”_ He laughs once more. It cuts Kuchel deep to know it is fabricated, and that Eren’s laugh had a certain buoyancy to it when genuine.

“How are you?” Kuchel interferes. There is a pause on the other line as Eren questions what he will tell Kuchel. “I know I saw you just yesterday, but you never know.”

_“I’m doin’ well. Days move a little slow, and then they get way too fast again. That’s just the way they go, I guess.” _He mutters over the phone. His voice sounds heavy, as if it was being dragged along the sidewalk by an anchor. Kuchel hums a reply and becomes distracted when she hears Isabel yelling. She watches her daughter pull Farlan’s ear, squealing that he shouldn’t be playing into Levi’s teasing. The scene makes her so happy.

“Yeah, I agree.” She averts her eyes and looks down at the carpeted floor. “Come over whenever you can. I’ll make dinner tonight. Does salmon sound good to you?”

_“With a lil’ lemon zest? And some cream sauce? You know I love asparagus, too.”_

“Don’t push it.”

_“Alright, alright! I’ll be over soon.”_ He laughs heartily into the phone. _“Thank you, Kuchel.”_ Kuchel nods, forgetting the boy can’t see it, and listens to the phone turn off. She glances down at the blank screen and smiles. She should head to the grocery store then.

“I’m going shopping now.” She grabs her keys from the kitchen counter and slides on some bunny house shoes. “You guys want me to drive you to school or what?” Farlan spits out his cereal and Isabel jumps out her seat like it was on fire. They both grab their bookbags and run to Kuchel’s car before she changes her mind. Rolling her eyes, Kuchel smiles at Levi and cocks a hip.

“Near the last year of high school and those babies still hate riding the bus.” Levi shrugs and looks down at her shoes.

“You wearin’ those?”

“Is that a problem?”

“Kinda tacky.”

“Don’t get smacked,” Levi smirks at the comment and leans in his chair. Kuchel turns around and begins to walk back into the living room. “By the way, Eren should be coming over soon, so make sure to open the door for him.” Levi groans.

“Isn’t it my _vacation_? Why am I doing all this work?”

“Keep it up and I won’t bring you home no beef jerky!”

Levi’s eyes squint.

“Fine.” Kuchel leaves with a satisfied look. Levi crosses his arms and listens to the car doors close, and eventually, the car drives off. He subdues his playful attitude and looks at the mess his siblings made. Sighing, he picks up their bowls of cereal and begins cleaning the dishes.

Roman is still upstairs, probably finishing up some emails and placing out his clothes for work. It’s in the morning, so where the hell would that asshole be leaving to anyway? Levi scowls and harshly scrubs the dishes. They foam so much that it completely lathers up Levi’s hands, leaving him with shriveled fingertips. He sighs and washes his hands up with warm water. What did he care? The bastard could leave for a week, and Levi wouldn’t so much bat an eye. At least, he’d like to think so.

Levi spends about ten more minutes drying the dishes perfectly. He places them back into the cabinets and makes sure his mother has all the pans necessary for dinner. He even does the pleasure of setting out a handful of seasonings he knows she loves. He places an alarm on his phone for around nine-thirty, reminding him to make some tea so his mother can have some when she comes home. At the very thought, he starts to make some himself.

The younger male is so invested in his caretaking that he doesn’t notice Roman’s footsteps coming downstairs. Only when he smells the familiar cologne does he turn his head and see his elder husband, sporting onyx jeans and a beige top. Levi raises an eyebrow.

“And where the hell are _you_ going?”

“Out.” He replies coldly.

“Where, Roman. I’m not fucking stupid.” Levi turns away from the sink and crosses his arms. He could feel jealousy building up in him. For what? Why? Out of all the years they have been together, Levi had not once felt an ounce of jealousy. Yet suddenly, when Roman comes downstairs demanding to leave early in the morning sporting a _casual_ get-up, Levi is liable to be suspicious. Especially when their relationship isn’t even on good terms.

“The store?”

“Yes, the store. Does that make you happy? What do you want from it? A fucking trophy?” Levi catches onto the sarcasm quickly. He scoffs and looks away. Roman cocks a hip.

“Mom already went. She’s getting me beef jerky.”

“Beef jerky? Since when do you like _beef jerky_?”

“Since now. Just go to your ‘store’ and don’t bother coming back early either.” Levi grabs a small pot from under the counter and begins filling it up with water. “Asshole,” Levi says, silently hoping Roman didn’t hear him. Roman turns off the faucet and grabs the pot away from him. The water splashes onto Levi’s shirt and onto the kitchen floor.

“The fuck is wrong with you, huh? You still mad about this morning, or last week? Which is it – because it looks like I can’t have a conversation without your smart-ass mouth in the way.” Levi snatches the pot away and tries not to touch his husband. He knows if he does, the other will scream it was self-defense and likely have reason to hit him.

It had been the cause before – and could definitely be the cause now.

“This is why I’m leaving in the first place. You know, I’m gonna go ahead and find a nice, hot chick and fuck her brains out. Is that what you want to hear?” Levi glares up at him and watches Roman’s face switch to satisfaction. The elder chuckles and leans against the counter. “And I should too, since your uptight ass hasn’t given me none in a week –“

“It’s kind of hard when I can’t fucking _see_, jack ass!”

“Who says that isn’t fun? A little freaky, but I don’t have to pay for a blindfold.” Levi pauses in action at Roman’s words. He clenches the pan tightly and refrains from throwing the water at him. Levi glances over at him in disbelief. There his husband stood, smirking and proud at the fact he could make jokes about this. He could just stand there – making humor out of his swollen eyes that had happened from his fists. Levi grinds his teeth together.

“Go away.” He mutters.

“I was trying too, slut.” His words don’t cut Levi as deep as they use to. Roman sticks his fist into his jean pocket and sighs. “So, you like beef jerky now? What kind?”

The male attempts to diverge the situation, likely not even noticing what he is saying. It is normal, at this point. So normal Levi forgets what being respected _looks _like.

“Stop ignoring me, Levi. I’m asking you a question.”

“I don’t like it.” Levi lies. Roman raises an eyebrow.

“What do you want then? I’ll buy you anything. Just let me know, baby.”

“I _want_ you to leave.”

“You want to go out to dinner again then?” Levi scoffs and shakes his head.

“Yeah, right.” He places the pot onto the stove and turns on the gas. “Can you please go? I should have let your ass just leave.”

“I’m going to the gym, if you were wondering. I have a change of clothes in the car.” Roman leans away from the counter and walks closer to Levi. “And you know I’d never cheat on you. I’m yours –“ He kisses the other on his mouth, though Levi responds with no affection. Roman grabs his chin and gains pleasure in seeing the younger look up at him. “- and you’re mine. Got that?” He turns around and begins walking toward the front door.

“When I get home early morning, I expect your attitude to be gone, Levi. Your hissy fit has continued far too long. You’d think you learned by now…”

Roman opens the front door to the house with his words fading. He is shocked to see a figure walking down the sidewalk, evidently headed toward their front yard. Roman squints, locks the door, and closes it shut. He strolls up to the rental car and eyes the bright-eyed gardener opening the house’s yard gate.

“Mornin’” The bumpkin greets. Roman hums a response and opens his car door. He doesn’t miss the way the gardener looks him up and down, smiles, and continues about his day. It makes the elder want to break into the house, snatch Levi up, and lock him in their guest room. Though he knows Levi would never have the guts to initiate adultery, it still worries him that the younger male would even think about _leaving_ him.

“You work earlier today?” Roman blurts out. The gardener ceases in walking and turns around. He wears filthy jeans and a torn-up shirt. He carries his toolbox in his hand and other items in the other. Roman attempts not to scoff at the other's appearance. He briefly wonders why he is so worried. The gardener is complete _dirt_ compared to him. “You must be digging for money.”

“Maybe so.” The gardener claims with a shrug. He looks down at the ground humorously. “Why else would I be getting’ my knees dirty? For worms?” He laughs and strolls up to the front door. Roman situates himself in his car and watches the event unfold in front of him.

Eren knocks on the front door joyously. He is bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, ready to start working hard and get his blood flowing. He expects to see Kuchel’s vibrant face, but is instead met with her son – whose name he forgets. Eren tilts his head and wiggles his finger.

“Hello there – I thought Kuchel was home? And you are…” He lingers.

“Levi.”

“I knew that!”

“Obviously.” The raven-haired man mutters to him. He opens the front door wider for the male to enter, but not without eyeing his husband’s still car. Levi reluctantly closes the door and hears the satisfying click. For caution, he locks it. He turns around and finds Eren peering around at their living room.

“Lord, it never ceases to amaze me how clean this damn place is.” He whistles and slides his hand on the mahogany nightstand. “_So_ fancy.” He coos. Levi cocks a hip and crosses his arms over his chest.

“Is there a reason why you keep coming over here so early? Are you trying to make my mother broke?” Eren’s head lifts quickly at the accusation. He faces Levi calmly, shoulders tense and face showing remorse. It shocks Levi.

“Broke? Not at all, is she having money problems?” Eren shuffles on his feet and digs his hands into his pockets. “Feel free to tell me to leave, I have no problem with it. It’s kind of apart of the job, ya know?” He gives a small grin, attempting to ease the awkwardness the smaller male had made. Levi releases a deep sigh and uncrosses his arms. Feigning annoyance, he begins to walk into the kitchen.

“It’s fine. It’s none of my business, anyway.” He sits down at the kitchen table and waits for his tea to get ready. Eren slowly strolls into the room and opens the fridge. He pulls out a tub of his juice and places it onto the table. Levi looks up at him with irritation.

“Seriously? In the morning?”

“Hey, I do alotta work out there!” The bright-eyed male defends. He grabs a mug from the cabinets and pours the drink into it. The faint smell of sugary blueberries, citrus, and mint fill his nose. Eren grins and pulls the jug back before downing the entire mug. “It gives me a good sugar rush. Gets the blood flowin’.” He says after the drink. He starts to pour some more.

“Smells like blueberries.” Eren shrugs his shoulder, silently telling the male that the ingredients are a secret. Levi scoffs and picks at his fingernails. He hears the tea maker spitting out the last remnants of hot water. Standing up, he walks over to it and tries not to bump into the other.

“By the way, your accent is probably the strongest I’ve ever heard.” – besides his father’s. Eren raises an eyebrow and lets out a loud laugh.

“Really? I try and hide it as much as I can, especially because some of y’all up here not too fond of it.” Levi chuckles at that, considering no matter how much Eren tried to hide it, there was no doubt he was born and raised _deep_ uptown. “Maybe I should stop then. New Orleans is New Orleans.” He adds on after hearing the other laugh. Levi pours his tea and grabs two peppermints from the drawer.

“_Nu-Awlins_,” Levi whispers as he sips his tea. Eren cocks an eyebrow and gives a smug smile.

“You makin’ fun of me?” 

“It just reminds of someone I used to know.” Levi digresses with a smirk. He sets his tea onto the table and sits down once more. “I used to have one too, but moving away got rid of it real quick.”

“Where’d you move to?” Eren leans against the kitchen counter and drinks his juice. “If you don’t mind me asking.” Levi pauses in his actions. Clenching the tea mug, he feels the radiating heat warm his hands. He takes another drink and enjoys the minty taste.

“Georgia,” Levi responds slowly. “After Katrina.” He can see Eren’s eye widen slightly at the statement. He sighs heavily and scratches behind his ear.

“Yeah, sorry. I forgot.” He itches his head next, causing his cocoa-colored locks to shimmer and flow like water. “I was luckily in New York when all that happened, visiting my grandparents. Never really experienced a hurricane before – honestly.” Eren starts to kick his chair backward in an effort to uplift the mood. “But what friend do I remind you of? I don’t get that often.” He grins, showing sharp white teeth, and gives Levi a comical expression.

“My dad.” Eren ceases in leaning and gives a sigh. Levi places his elbow onto the table and looks at Eren in amusement. “He had a little more of a temper, though.”

“Damn, I’m not good at this.” The green-eyed male mutters. “Okay then – what’s your favorite food?” He blurts out. Levi wants to smirk, slightly amused at how the male is trying to avoid sensitive topics. It is quite evident that his father is not around anymore, and whether Eren believed it was because he divorced Kuchel or passed away is none of his business. Nonetheless, Levi believed the later, especially if Kuchel is as close to Eren as Farlan says.

And just like that, Eren reminds him of his mother too.

Always walking on eggshells when it comes to speaking about Levi’s father. Television shows, movies, friends, books – anything that may relate to showing a father – Kuchel strays her son away from. Though, she could not help it once Levi grew older and _lived_ his life. She could not stop the boy if he decided to binge-watch a family-orientated show, or force him to order pizza instead of going out to eat on Father’s Day.

As a teenager, he believed his mother was completely _delusional_. He was nowhere near that sensitive, and he was sure he could watch a show involving a ‘father’ without breaking down like a little kid. Then Levi met Roman, and he thought months later, in sweet honeymoon love, that _‘yeah, maybe Mom was right.’_

Roman embodies everything that contrasts his father. He has no accent (though he sometimes flowed back into his Australian dialect) and is tall, lean, and muscular. He is proper and professional. He is loving, but quick to anger. He is everything Levi needed when he was eighteen, though the younger never knew until he showed up.

Because it did hurt when Father’s Day came and he would not be able to make his dad any more paper roses. And it did hurt when he watched nightly television shows featuring loving fathers, knowing he’ll never experience his dad’s hug again. And it hurt so much that he hardly acknowledged the problem – it was simply reality. Kuchel attempting to hide that life from him was not delusional, it was sensible. She did not want him to hurt any longer.

It’s why she was, and still is, so happy that he’d met Roman.

“Seafood,” Levi responds when thirty seconds past. “Cajun Crawfish is my favorite, though.”

“Seriously?” Eren gaps at him. “Those things ain’t got nothing but an inch of meat in them!” Levi raises an eyebrow at the claim. “You ever had a po-boy?”

“Of course, I’ve had a po-boy. Who do you think you’re talking too?”

“Put some fried crab on there ‘nd I don’t even know what crawfish _is_.”

“You’re being dramatic,” Levi scoffs and crosses his arms. “But po-boys taste best with roast beef.”

“You are a damn liar…!” Eren points his finger at the older male. “I’m pescatarian now, but when I had roast beef, it never came close to crab!” He tuts his lips and shakes his head. “You _omnivores_ are crazy.” Levi sits up in his chair and leans across the table.

“Omnivores? I don’t eat even meat like that.” Levi tilts his head in question. “I haven’t had bacon in a week, so that has to count for something. It gives me too much heartburn.” Eren nods his head in approval.

“True, though I do have a confession.” Levi averts his eyes from the wall behind Eren to Eren himself. The bright-eyed male leans closer to him, leaving only a few inches of space between them. Levi moves away slowly before smelling the sweet scent of blueberries on his breath. Adjusting his posture, Levi watches Eren’s expression forge into something more ominous. He cocks an eyebrow. Eren opens his mouth.

“I ate a whole pack of bacon last night.”

Levi blinks. Blinks twice. “A whole _pack_?”

“Yep. With grape jelly on white bread.” Eren bobs his head in distress. “Don’t tell Kuchel, though. She’ll make fun of me. I only started doing this pescatarian shit, like, six months ago.” He runs his fingers through his hair and sighs loudly. “Diabetes and hypertension run in my family, so I’ve been attempting to eat healthier.”

“And this –“ Levi points Eren’s mug that is full of fruity juice. “ – is going to help?” Eren glances down at his drink and blinks. For a second, Levi thinks he hit a soft spot on the male, and believes maybe he should stop questioning his dietary choices. However, suddenly, Eren stands up from his seat and dumps the entire cup into the sink. Levi lets himself become a little shocked.

“You’re right,” He declares after setting the mug on the counter. “No more juice, Jaeger. No more.” He bites his lip and places his hands on his hip.

“Alright, well, it was nice talking to you Levi, but I should really start getting to work!” He raises his hand in a brief wave. “Feel free to come chat in an hour or so. I’ll probably take a break then.” Just like that, Eren opens the screen door to the patio and strolls out.

Levi sits at the table, confused on what just occurred. What the hell happened? Did he hit a nerve? He glances down at his tea in wonder. A peppermint sits there, losing its red stripes and becoming pure again.

Roman texts him around noon and says he took a stop at work. This leaves Levi bored out of mind as he lounges in their bed, wishing he had something to do. He gets up twenty minutes after the message and takes a shower. Deciding he has the time to, Levi lathers his hair in a clay mask and places it into a falling bun. He dresses himself in a long-sleeved shirt and long, gray _Puma_ shorts. Heading downstairs, he sets an alarm on his phone to wash his hair after thirty minutes.

The hair product's saccharine scent follows him when he walks into the kitchen. He catches Eren covered in gray cement and dirt, making loud noises with a hammer and other tools Levi does not know about. Deciding to be a little bit kinder today, Levi fills a cup up with ice water and heads outside.

“Here.” Eren glances up instantly. His eyes widen a bit, and Levi believes it is because he is actually doing a nice gesture. Sure, he can be an asshole sometimes, but there was no need for the brat to act so shocked. “Water, not juice.” His eyes soften at the comical tone.

“Thanks,” He grabs the cup, and their fingers touch one another. Levi retreats his hand and crosses his arms. Cocking a hip, he glances over the work Eren is doing. The brown-haired male is delicately designing the side profile of the deck, making sure it looks as perfect as possible.

“Uh, your hair looks weird?” Eren blurts after a few seconds of awkward silence. Levi raises an eyebrow.

“It’s a hair mask. Never did one before?”

“Really?” He looks up in amazement. “Does it make your hair softer or somethin’? See –“ He gestures his own long locks. “ – I have a lot of split ends, but I really don’t know how to take care of it? It feels like shit most of the time.”

“What products do you use?”

“Uh,” Eren ceases in using a spatula-like disk on the brick. “Shampoo?”

“No conditioner?”

“No, never thought it was useful.”

“Gross.” Levi shakes his head and reaches over. Due to Eren sitting on the bare ground and Levi high on the deck, it is easy for him to grab a lock and feel the stiffness. “Conditioner is important, you idiot. That’s why your hair feels like fucking sandpaper.” Eren reaches upward and grabs the strand Levi is talking about. Their hands touch again, and Levi snatches his back. He watches Eren feel his own hair.

“Don’t make fun of me!” Like an idiot, Eren leaves some cement in his hair to dry up. He does not notice until Levi leans forward again and breaks it off. “Plus, conditioner costs more money, and I don’t shit that out daily.” Levi rolls his eyes and looks around the backyard.

“You’re starting on the pool next, right?” Eren hums in response.

“Yeah. There are a couple cracks and holes, but I think I’ll mostly clean it.” Eren sits up from his position and stands. He wipes his jeans from dust and dirt. Levi looks down at him, slightly amused that he is taller than him when on the deck. Eren notices, but before he can respond, it is like a lightbulb shines on his head. “Oh, yeah! Come look at this.” He walks to the right of the yard. Scowling, Levi jumps off the deck and follows behind him.

Eren bends down on the side of the patio. He gestures a large opening, showing the wooden structures inside the deck, that he had not done yet.

“I’m putting brick first before covering the whole thing with aesthetic wood, but I purposely have not started right there yet.” Levi squats down with him and glances at the disarrayed inside. Pulling out a small flashlight, Eren points it to a section that is filled with branches and other miscellaneous nature items.

“This is a possum’s nest, not a raccoon.”

“So…we’ve been housing possums? How is that any better?” Eren chuckles at Levi’s sarcastic tone.

“Raccoons a bit more hostile and can carry rabies. Possums are a little bit more…calm, as long as you don’t touch their babies.” He switches the flashlight to a white garbage bag that has been demolished completely. “They dragged that in last night, I’m guessing. Where do you guys put your trash bags?”

“In the dumpster in the front, but we put recycling in that.” Levi gestures a large, dark navy garbage tub situated in their backyard – likely filled with plastic bottles, cans, and boxes. “Why?”

“It was knocked over when I got here.” Eren clicks off his flashlight and sits down on the ground. Sighing, he basks in the sun and tuts his lip. “Somebody likely mixed up bags and put garbage in the recycling. Thanks to that, I bet they had a good meal.” He grins at the thought.

“Was probably Isabel,” Levi mutters. “She never pays attention – always on her damn phone.” Levi stands up from his squatting position. “At least you know what they are. Makes it easier to get them the hell out of here.” Eren hums.

“Yeah…” He strings along. Levi glances down at his figure sitting calmly on the ground. He watches Eren lean forward and place his elbow on his thighs, gazing at the nest longingly. “Right.” He peers upward. “I’ll see if it’s true later on tonight then.” Giving a warm smile, Eren lifts his left leg to push himself up. He towers over Levi, like the majority of people, and licks his blushing lips.

“I have a question.”

“Hmm?” Levi makes the sound with his throat, silently giving permission for Eren to ask a question he potentially should not be asking – considering the look on Eren’s face. Eren tilts his head toward Levi and raises a filthy finger. He scratches his cheekbones, making Levi confused, and gives an awkward grin.

“Do you mind me asking how you got that bruise on your cheek?” The dark-haired male feels his chest throb at the statement. Scrunching up his eyebrows, Levi wants to ask him what he is talking about, and that he was sure he did not have any bruises on his chee –

‘_Oh.’_ Levi realizes. _‘I almost forgot._’ Lifting a hand, he pushes an ebony lock behind his ear and closes his eyes. _‘I took a shower, too.’_ Levi looks away from Eren and instead gazes at one of the trees in his mom’s backyard. It always puts so many leaves in their pool. He shuffles on his feet calmly.

“You don’t have to answer back, you know?” Eren reassures. “I was just curious. You don’t seem like the type to fight.” Levi feels the wind get stronger behind him. It blows his hair forward. It tickles his face and covers up his solemn expression at Eren’s words. Giving a small grin, Levi lets the air kiss around his nape.

“It’s funny you say that…I used to get in fights all the time as a teenager.” He responds softly. The wind cools down enough to where their faces are legible. Peering over, Levi sees Eren gazing at the same tree in captivation.

“Yeah?” He whispers. “…me too.”

The wind gets feisty all over again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Currently uploading this after my Calculus II class. I couldn't wait any longer to post.  
See you all again on Wednesday! :D


	5. Amethyst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If only I could get lost in his ocean,  
surviving on the thought of loving you."  
\- Just Like Water, Lauryn Hill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly, should I not major in geophysics and just head deep into english literature? cause these calculus classes are kicking. my. ass. if i have to do another right-end point today i'm going to claw my eyes out.
> 
> anyway, here is the next chapter! thank you all for the reviews and kudos. :)

_amethyst _

_soothes away the day-to-day stresses that keep you up at **night**._

Eren shows him the possums sleeping at twelve in the morning.

Roman had gotten home around the same time as Isabel and Farlan, causing the tension to be in high spirits when Levi came downstairs. His mother came home from shopping around four. She claimed she had dinner with an old friend she met at the gas station, and that everyone else’s dinner was what was in the house. Isabel and Farlan sigh at this and fix poorly made sandwiches, while Levi makes a salad.

Levi and Roman spend a total of forty-five minutes together before he leaves for his night job. They have sex twice, which leaves the younger with bruises on his hips and thighs. Roman leaves after releasing his tension and tells his husband he will not be around much the next few days. When Levi tries to bring up his absence, Roman stares at him eerily for several minutes before leaving without a word.

The distance is a good thing, Levi decides when he cannot shake the frightful look of Roman’s eyes. Sometimes, couples need time away from each other.

Nonetheless, it does not cease the empty feeling Levi has when he sleeps alone in bed. He sees himself becoming a night owl if Roman continues his disappearances. Or that is how he feels when he travels downstairs to make himself some steaming tea.

This is how Eren finds him, sipping hot tea at the kitchen table and coalescing with the darkness. Adjacent to the dark shadow he subsides in is the other side of the table, basking in the moonlight. Eren sits himself there after seeing Levi and gives him a grin. The moonlight brightens his chocolate hair and makes Levi feel even more hidden.

“Hardly saw you there,” Eren mentions. “Doesn’t help that your hair is black.” Levi takes a silent sip of his drink. Of course, Eren is still here. He seems to never like going home. “Hey, I was wondern’ if I could try some of that tea you make?”

The announcement makes Levi snap out of his small reverie. “Yesterday, you told me that juice isn’t helping my problems. You’re right, so I was wonderin’ if I could try that? It has no sugar, right?”

“Besides the peppermint…” Levi drawls. “…no.” Eren tilts his head questioningly. “Do you want me to make you some?”

“If you don’t mind. I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

In an oddly relaxing silence, Levi makes him some tea.

The delicate sounds of the machine humming soothe any awkwardness, though Levi believes even if the sound was not there, the moment would not have been tense. Eren’s presence makes his shoulders roll back, his heart calm, and his head float. It is like being around some lull God.

“Thank you,” Eren says when Levi hands him a hot mug. He instantly takes a sip. Flinching, the bright-eyed man licks his lips and frowns. “Shit, that’s hot.” Levi wants to open his mouth to reprimand him for such a dumb act, but his fatigue makes him unable to. Levi sits back down in his seat and finishes up his own drink.

“Do you want to see…” Eren pauses after taking his tenth sip of the tea. “…the possums?”

Possums are ugly, Levi concludes as he stares at the hideous shits from Eren’s flashlight. Eren chuckles at this and whispers in a soft voice.

“They’re nocturnal, so they should be up soon. It seems these guys have an off sleeping schedule though.” Levi looks at the animal and their four children, huffing and puffing softly. “They may be sick, too.”

“What makes you think that?” Levi asks when Eren starts flashing the light around the deck.

“They’re gone during the day, which is a sign food is scarce, and they’re sleeping right now. They could be lethargic.” Eren shrugs his shoulders. “But they could just be a couple of weirdos.” Levi hums along in agreement to that. Eren clicks the flashlight off and stuffs it back into his jeans. “Honestly, I’ve been trying to scare them away instead of setting poison out. S’ why I’ve been taking so long on the deck.”

Levi does not answer. He stares at the empty abyss. Eren stands up and shuffles away from the nest. Levi does the same. As they walk back into the house, Eren speaks. “I should head home though. It was nice hanging out with you today…” Eren gives Levi a smile. “You’re actually pretty…calming.”

“Hmm, yeah, whatever. See you tomorrow.” His words are briefly interrupted by a yawn. Eren gazes at him, both in the moonlight, and chuckles a bit.

“I’ll probably start working on the pool tomorrow. It’s been getting really hot lately, so I’ll be working at night more often. If you find yourself getting too bored when the sun sets…” Eren opens the front door to the house with his silhouette enlightening by streetlights. “…feel free to hang out again, yeah?” Levi forgets to answer.

Eren softly closes the door, and all Levi can remember after is the sound of his beat-up truck singing down the street.

From then on, Levi visited Eren every night that Roman was not present.

Yet, even on the weekends when Roman was off, Levi finds himself traveling downstairs to make the bright-eyed male some tea and listen to his silly stories about his childhood. Luckily, Roman was too tired from exercising and working to notice his lack of a bedmate.

Time flowed carelessly, like small tributaries.

Levi helps Eren cut some wood. He makes them sandwiches the next day, full of unhealthy condiments that they should not be eating so late in the night. Levi picks out weeds with the streetlights as guidance. Eren slips up one day – and drinks almost the whole container of his juice. Levi reprimands him, and even gets Eren to do thirty pushups so he could lose all the calories he gained.

Levi comforts Eren when the possums eventually run away, realizing Kuchel’s backyard is not much of a safe place anymore.

So much happens in those next few weeks between them, and Farlan is the first to notice.

“Are you cheating on Roman?”

“What!?” Levi nearly drops the soapy pan in his hands. Flipping his head, he stares astonishingly at his younger brother, dressed in casual clothing (because it is a Saturday), and sitting at the kitchen table. Twenty minutes prior, Farlan had decided to give him the silent treatment. Levi did not mind of course, until the blond spoke up. “Also, don’t say that out loud!”

God forbid Roman was awake to hear that.

“I’m just asking –“ Farlan flexes his fingers after his rigorous typing on his laptop. He grabs his coffee cup and takes a loud sip. “ – I mean, I wouldn’t mind because I hate Roman’s guts, but that would be messed up for Eren.”

“I am not cheating on Roman, Farlan. Jesus…” Levi shakes his head. “And if I were, I wouldn’t be so fucking obvious. Why can you, Isabel, and Mom be close to him, but I can’t?”

“Good point,” Farlan concludes with a finger on his chin. “Buttt…the way you guys interact is kinda gay.”

“Oh, fuck off.” The older man murmurs under his breath. “He's funny is all, and he needs to get done with the damn backyard already. He’s been here for two months.” Farlan laughs at the statement. Levi takes a moment to glance outside.

Eren resides in the empty pool, fixing up any potentially dangerous holes and cleaning out the draining system. He reminds himself to bring him a glass of water in five minutes.

“He says he is almost done with the pool. I was thinking –“ Farlan interrupts his thoughts. “ – we should have a barbeque before you leave. Eren knows how to cook some bomb ass ribs, even though he doesn’t eat meat.” The blond taps his chin. “But speaking of not eating meat, I could have sworn last week I saw him munching on some beef jerky…”

“Was me.” Levi lies, just for the sake of keeping Eren’s dignity. “Roman’s been buying me some.” Farlan childishly mocks his words at the mention of his husband. Levi rolls his eyes and wonders how in the hell he is seventeen. Placing a dry dish in the cabinet, Levi unplugs the sink and lets the dirty liquid drain. When done, he lathers up the sink and flushes it out with water.

“Finished.”

“Mom’s gonna miss your cleaning. She complains Isabel and I don’t do it right.” Farlan tuts his lips. “Though honestly, Isabel fucking sucks at cleaning. I don’t even want to guess what’s under her damn bed.”

“Where is she, anyway?” Levi intercepts. Farlan leans back in his chair and resumes typing on his computer.

“I dunno. I’m not her keeper.”

“Alright, smartass.” The elder mutters. As if on cue, Isabel comes slugging downstairs in dirty pajamas. Her posture is slouched, and she looks as if she spent nine days sleeping. Levi fills a glass with water and hands it over to her instinctively. “The hells wrong with you?” Isabel glares at the glass and pushes it away. Scowling, she sits next to her brother and ignores his condescending look. Farlan knows the issue – he is her sibling, for god’s sake.

“Since no one wants my water –“ Levi grabs the glass Isabel pushed. “ – I’ll happily give it to someone else.” He says it with a comical tone, but his siblings are not laughing at all. Levi pushes the screen door and shouts Eren’s name. When he hears a response, Levi strolls over to the area of the pool Eren’s in and cocks his hip.

“Water.”

“Precious nourishment?” Eren yells from his man-made tunnel. Climbing up the metal later, he leans over the concrete and gently grabs the drink out of Levi’s hands. He gulps almost the entire thing down.

“Jesus, it is damn hot out here!” He pants out. Levi hums in agreement and squats down to meet the male eye to eye. Eren places the glass on the ground and resumes the conversation. “Thanks for the water. I appreciate it.”

“Whatever,” Levi puts off. “Do you know what’s wrong with Izzy and Far?” Eren ceases in speaking. He scratches behind his ear. As Levi waits for a response, he becomes stuck on a drop of sweat traveling down the male’s structured jaw and falling onto his tight, gray shirt. “You guys talk all the time during cards. Speak up.”

“Uh…” Eren licks his lips. “Well, you see…” He rubs his chin and nibbles on his inner cheek. “Um, it’s you?”

“Me?” Levi instantly retorts. “I’ve been cooking and cleaning for these brats since day one, so it sure as hell better _not_ be me.”

“I mean, they aren’t necessarily mad at you. It’s just…” Eren pauses. “…you’re leaving in two weeks. I guess you could say they are facing reality? They love you, Levi.” It’s the first time Eren says his name so gently. Scrunching up an eyebrow, Levi ignores the sudden spark in his chest at the tone. “Isabel is angrier than Farlan, I think. They are really not a fan of your husband.” Eren tries to laugh the comment off.

“Of course, they talked about him,” Levi mutters. “Listen, Roman’s not a bad guy, no matter what those two assholes say. So, don’t try and lecture me, got it?” The black-haired male lays his feet out in front of him and dangles them over the pool’s empty edge. Eren shuffles his feet on the ladder.

“I wasn’t going to.” His gentle voice seizes Levi again. “I’ve only spoken two sentences to that man since I’ve got here. I have no right to judge you at all.” He grins with those piano-like teeth. “My reasons for not liking him are purely based off what I’ve seen, not what I’ve heard.” Levi lets out the sigh he was holding in.

“You don’t like him. That’s fine. I wasn’t really looking for your approval or anything –“

“Of course not.” Levi stops speaking to glare at Eren.

Eren gives him that knowing smile.

“Stop doing that.”

“Doing what?”

“That.” Tutting his lips, Levi squints his eyes to avoid the sunlight’s terror. “Anyway, I know I’m leaving soon, but there is no reason for them to act like that. It’s just going to make everything more difficult.” He pushes a flying lock out of his face. “Farlan said he wanted to have a barbeque before I left. Do you think you’ll have the pool up sometime soon?”

“I’ll have it filling up tonight.” Eren declares. Levi crosses his arms.

“You sure? You’ve been slacking lately.”

“One-man shows are hard,” He laughs heartily, “You’ve made it easier for me.” Levi ignores the compliment and shuffles away from the male. “I promise, I’ll have it done. When you come visit tonight, we can even take a dip. It will be halfway full by then.” Levi looks for any bluffing in Eren’s eyes but finds none. Nodding his head, he gets up from his position and heads for the house again

“Fine. I’ll see you.” Levi lazily waves and walks up the deck’s steps. As he opens the patio’s screen door, he is shocked to see the lean, dark figure of Roman sitting at the kitchen table. The stiffness Eren had released from his joints returns, and Levi prays his husband was too tired to notice him speaking to Eren. “Hey,” His voice simmers out delicately. “You’re finally up.”

Roman takes a drink of the coffee he had made. Isabel and Farlan had made a move to the living room, likely doing so the minute they heard his husband’s footsteps coming down the stairs. Taking advantage of the newfound private time, Levi sits in the seat across from him and watches Roman take heavy sips. His silence causes anxiety to flood within him.

“We were just talking.”

His husband glances up at him, complete confusion on his drained face. “What?” He mutters out. Levi wants to breathe a sigh of relief that he had not seen. Shuffling in his seat, the ebony-haired male shakes his head.

“Nothing. I was talking to myself.”

“I think I can cut down on work soon,” Roman admits after a few minutes of tense silence. Levi raises an eyebrow in surprise. “I’ve been feeling better lately. Kind of drained, honestly, but –“ He gives a genuine smile that makes Levi’s heart ache. “ – I miss you. I’m excited to go back home soon.”

Home.

“Yeah,” Levi responds. “Me too.”

Home – or _Roman’s_ home, that had soon enough been forged onto Levi as his as well. Levi picks at his fingernails and listens to his husband’s subtle sips. The place where Levi would spend most of his time in the house, on a computer doing boring work. Where he would be unable to leave the house alone, or unable to enjoy _time_ alone. Levi licks his lips, and comes to understand how Isabel and Farlan feel.

“Want to take a bath together?” Roman mutters out from his porcelain cup. Fixing his posture, Levi contemplates the idea.

“Not right now,” He declines. “Maybe later.”

“That’s fine.” The long-haired man leans on the table and digs his fingers into his hair. The view of his silky locks flowing down his cheeks and kissing his lips makes Levi remember how much he loves him. Yet, he refrains from smiling, just in case Roman became too invested in his thought process. “Do you remember the first time we met?” Levi peers up at the thought. “When you poured all your coffee on me at the train station?”

Levi bobs his head. “I fell in love with you right then and there, you know.” His sensual, ruby-red eyes grip the shorter male in a vice. They wrap around his throat and cuddle him, either doing so to show love – or bring about demise. Levi does not know which anymore.

“Now every time I drink coffee, I can’t help but think of you.” Roman digs his hand out of his midnight locks and spreads his arm across the table. “I’m in love with you, Levi.” Levi opens his mouth to reply, but Roman continues. “You can’t leave me.”

“I’m not…?” His voice whispers out. He wants to cock his head in confusion. “Where is this coming from? I’ve never even thought of leaving you.” Just like normal, Roman gazes so deep into his eyes that Levi is not even sure if he is really looking at him. His countenance contorts and he brings his hand up to his face again. His eyebrows scrunch up as if he has a massive headache, and his eye twitches disturbingly.

Stuck between asking what’s wrong or keeping silent, Levi contemplates on what decision would make Roman less hostile in the end.

“Hey…” When Levi thinks he made the right decision by keeping silent, Roman cuts through the quietness with a steel knife. “That necklace.” Levi glances down at the man-made necklace he had made. He has been hiding it under his shirts lately, keeping it from Roman’s view. So far, his husband either did not mind it much anymore or did not notice it. Levi wonders why he would bring it up now.

“Didn’t I tell you to get rid of it?”

He did. “No, did you?” He lies.

“Tell me the truth.” Roman grabs the ends of the table tightly. “Did _he_ give it to you?”

“Good _afternoon!_” Like a banshee out of hell, Levi’s mother comes bouncing around the corner with a beaming smile on her face. Levi sits at the table in confusion over Roman’s words, but also gentle happiness that his mother had eased the tension. Roman rolls his shoulders back and places on a fake grin. “How is everyone today?” She gestures Roman happily. She admittedly ignores Isabel and Farlan’s greetings, who decide to complain about her loud voice, and gives Roman a large slap on that back.

“You guys hungry? I was thinking of getting _Chinese_ tonight!”

Kuchel’s energetic and optimistic form is parallel to Eren. Either those two have been hanging out too much together, or they are naturally more similar than he thought. Nonetheless, her motherly voice echoes throughout the house and leaves Levi yearning to hug her to death. He tries to calm himself and remember that he cannot be the _Momma’s Boy_ he was years ago.

Eren comes inside to play cards with Farlan twenty minutes later. Isabel becomes invested in a conversation with Kuchel, where the daughter is complaining that she needs a new flat iron or more hairspray.

When Eren takes a seat next to his husband, Levi can’t help but bite his lips and analyze each and every movement (it isn’t like he has anything better to do).

Roman’s side-eyes do not go unnoticed. In fact, Farlan is a bit awkward himself – especially as he lays out the cards with flimsy hands. The blond sits across the two alpha males, who evidently have tension though never speaking to each other much, and Levi wonders how he hadn’t noticed before.

The way Eren gives an arrogant grin when Roman moves his elbow off the table, or the way Roman rubs his eyebrow when Eren says some _New Orlean’s_ slang he knows nothing about. Roman and Farlan bickering back and forth is a common thing, but these two purely have a _silent_ feud. It is likely if they spoke, it would not be long before one brought their fists out and got to business.

And if Levi had to guess, he would not doubt that Eren would be the first to initiate a confrontation. Roman is far too proper and kosher to instigate a fight against someone like the bright-eyed male. Eren – a go-lucky guy with a bubbly smile, but also holds a smart-mouth and no fear against using it. Roman likes to initiate fights he can win, and with Eren’s towering form and brawny arms, Levi is unsure if Roman would be so lucky to win unscathed.

Besides, though Levi has won every single arm wrestle they played, he cannot deny Eren’s strength. His heavy-duty job pays him well in all ways. Roman never plays games like that with him, but he has rammed his fist in Levi’s face, so he guesses Roman is equal level.

“Do you want _Chinese_?” His mother places her warm palm on his shoulder. Levi turns slowly to his right and sees his mother’s glowing face. Her bubbly cheeks, tender eyes, and righteous form has no indication she is sad about Levi leaving in a couple of weeks. “You’ve been cooking a lot lately. I thought you could use a break.” She smiles endearingly.

Levi fixates himself on her, knowing there will only be a handful more of looks before he will not see her for another year.

“Yeah,” He replies. “I just want some crab rangoon…and orange chic-“

“Oh, I know what you want!” She grabs his ear and pulls it. He stifles the whine, because he is a grown man now and cannot act like a baby, and clenches her wrist. “Actin’ like I don’t know you!” Her palm playfully pushes his cheek away. Scowling, Levi rubs his face like a child and glances back at the game. He catches Eren looking at him, with a content smile on his face.

The entire bathroom smells like cherry blossoms.

Levi lifts his arm and places it on the edge of the tub. He shuffles his feet upward, hoping not to hit Roman in his genitals for the seventh time. Luckily, the elder isn’t all that bothered with it. He is too invested with the cigarette in his hand. Levi lays his head against the porcelain-like walls and closes his eyes.

The water is magma gliding along his skin. Roman has always liked his baths full of hot water with just a sprinkle of cold. It left Levi with bright red skin afterward and the yearn for aloe-infused lotion. His husband taps the cigarette ashes on the bathroom floor and sighs. “You’re still wearing the necklace. In the tub.” The ebony-haired male glances down at the abalone shell around his neck.

It glows under the water – happy to be near a place like home.

“I made it,” Levi whispers. “I forgot.” Roman hums and takes another inhale of his cigarette. Some ashes fall into the water, but the hazy look in his husband’s eyes say he is in a different world.

“What are you thinking about? You’ve been quiet all day.” The younger peers down at the gray ashes sinking into the tub and falling onto his thigh. The tub is way too small for both of them, but Roman made it work by arching his legs.

He does not look at Levi at all. He stares up at the ceiling and swallows that cigarette smoke as if it were oxygen.

“I want to have a kid.” Levi halts in grabbing a minuscule-sized ash floating toward him. His mouth waters unexpectedly and his eyes are widening. “Probably adoption. I don’t want a surrogate.” Roman runs his other hand through his dripping locks.

“That’s…a big step.” The shorter male replies. “I don’t think I’m ready for that.” His husband ignores the statement and talks over him.

“I want to be with you forever.” Finally, his hazel-red eyes connect with his own. Levi blinks the water droplets that roll down his face out. Leaning forward, he brings one of his legs up and places his chin on it. This gives Roman more leverage within the water. “I want you to quit your job and take care of them.”

“_Them_? How many do you want?”

“However many it takes.”

“Takes.” Bringing a dripping wet hand to his forehead, Levi swallows down his growing frustration. “Roman, what the fuck are you talking about? I’m twenty-five. We are not having a kid, or _kids_.” He can feel a headache coming along. “I told you I don’t want kids until I’m around twenty-eight.”

“I’m thirty-five. I’m not going to wait for fucking long.”

“Then you should’ve married someone your age. I’m not rushing my life for _you_.” The way Roman’s eyes squint leave uneasiness in his stomach. Levi takes his chin off his knee and pushes backward. Straightening his back, he commands himself in his head to stay confident.

“_You_, huh?” His voice becomes calmer. “So, I’m nothing to you then. Is that it?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“When we go back home,” His husband follows on. “We are having kids and we are not coming here next summer.” Levi’s face contorts in newfound anger. “I’ll do the working. You stay at home.”

“I’m not a fucking housewife! Who do you think you are –“ Levi grabs the edge of the tub to push himself forward. The water waves forward, splashing Roman’s chin. “ – telling _me_ I’m going to have kids? Are you dumb? Have you forgotten who you’re talking too? And I’ll come home whenever the fuck I want!”

“Get out the tub.” – is Roman’s immediate response. Lifting his form, his husband snatches a towel from the sink and wraps it around his waist. Levi stays still. “I _said_ get the fuck out the tub, Levi.”

“What’re you gonna do?” His mouth keeps running. “Hit me again? What’s new. No matter how many times you go to the gym or work that stupid ass job,” Levi clenches his fist under the water. “ – you’ll always be the same.”

On instinct, Roman reaches over the tub and wraps his hand around Levi’s neck. Levi grips at his wrists and glares at the older male. His fingers squeeze harder.

“You want that, don’t you?” His husband whispers. “For me to hit you, so you can have a reason to leave me. I know you like clockwork, Levi. I’m not going to hit you.” He snatches the younger male halfway out the tub before letting go. Levi’s palms fall to the floor as he catches his breath. “Not in the face, anyways. You only get all serious when I do that, isn’t that right? Because you know damn well you can’t live without me.” His grayish navy eyes look upward in vexation. Roman gives a small grin.

“I know you can’t. You can’t leave me – that smart head of yours won’t let you. Ain’t that right, baby?”

“Shut up.” He manages to mutter out as he lifts himself back into the tub.

“You love me.”

_‘I do, more than you could ever imagine.’_

“Shut up, Roman! Jesus fucking Christ –“ Levi uses his knees to lift himself up. “ – we know you have an ego bigger than earth itself, so do me a favor and get the fuck out of my face.” Roman leaves with an arrogant smile on his face – full of all evil. Levi leans back into the tub and tries to ignore the throbbing around his neck. When he finally reaches down to unplug the tub, he spots Roman’s damp, filthy cigarette floating among him. He cannot help but feel utterly equivalent to it.

His husband is smoking another one when he walks into their bedroom. “I should whip you with a belt like a kid.” Roman jokes around as he places on a fluffy, white robe. “Maybe you’d be less hostile sometimes.” Levi ignores him and wraps a similar robe around himself. However, a certain key-jingle makes his head pop up. Roman stands before him, _actually_ holding a belt, and a face that tells Levi he is not joking.

Before Roman can slash him with the thick material, Levi grabs the leather and tries to pull it away. “Can you just stop? You’re acting crazy, at my mom’s house no less.” The mention makes Roman cease. Pulling the belt away, he throws it onto the bed and rubs the corner of his mouth.

“You’re right.” He agrees. “I got ahead of myself, I guess.” The smoke floods out his mouth. “Maybe when we’re home.” He gets situated on their bed and turns the lamp off. Levi stares down at the belt.

He carefully grabs the belt and folds it. Throwing it into the corner, Levi shuffles into the bed and lays his head on the cotton pillow. He runs his hands down his arms and tries to rid himself of the itchy feeling. Roman had not really done it, so why was he so twitchy?

Biting his lip, Levi tries to ignore the ghost feeling of pain on his skin. He recalls the torture he had to through when healing from his last injuries. Though his face is nicely clear again, he can still feel sunken parts of his eyes and cheek where his husband had done enough damage to have something permeant. It is not noticeable to others, but when Levi rubs his hand down his face at night, he can feel the differences.

How many beatings would it take for Roman to understand? How many chances can Levi give him before things go too far again, and the only thing left of him is his bloody body on the ground? Levi thinks of this as Roman falls asleep after smoking two more cigarettes. The room is foggy, and Levi is surprised the fire alarm has not gone off yet. Clenching the covers, Levi closes his eyes and attempts to fall into deep slumber.

He dreams about the first time he and Roman met - when he was eighteen and traveling by train to college. He had an exam that day and was rushing to class with his classic black coffee in hand. Like a complete cliché idiot, he ran into Roman and spilled it all over his suit.

Levi wonders if that day was fate, luck, or misfortune.

He sleeps deeply. He dreams about his first time, his first kiss, his first date – all with Roman. Yet, he also flinches in slumber at their first argument, their first fight, and Levi’s first bruise. His first blood drop that stained his husband's fist.

Then he dreams about his mother and how happy she was at their wedding, and he dreams about his father in heaven – clapping his hands and wishing his son peace and love.

And Levi wakes up to jazz piano.

Scrunching up his nose, Levi lifts his head off the pillow and rubs the fatigue out his eyes. He glances at the time.

_‘Three in the morning.’_ He scowls and attempts to get up. However, Roman’s long arm is wrapped around his torso with a vice. He slides out of it carefully and places some house shoes on. The faint sound of music is still there. Levi curses himself for having sensitive ears while also being a light sleeper. Tying his silk robe tighter, Levi opens the door to the hallway and heads downstairs.

His footsteps into the kitchen feel like the walkings to a certain eutopia. He pauses in his movement and becomes mesmerized by the view of _blue_ in the backyard. The screen doors do it no justice. Levi pulls the glass away and stares in a trance. In the midst of his spellbind, Levi notices a brand-new, beige patio couch on their deck – along with tables, chairs, and a pristine barbeque pit. If he hadn’t known better, Levi would have said he died and gone to heaven then and there.

His mother’s pool is full of water, just like Eren promised.

There is a sea in their backyard.

The cerulean waters shimmer under the moonlight, and the few lights in the pool light up the aqua like the sun is underneath. Taking a step forward, Levi wonders how the hell Eren managed to get all of this done in only a few hours.

“You’re late.”

Jumping, Levi glances over to see the man of the hour in the corner of the pool. As expected, he sports no shirt and his hair is dripping from its high bun. Eren grins at him and holds up a beer, accented with a lemon, and takes a swig. Levi scowls at the sight.

“Water is kind of cold, but I don’t mind much.” Levi searches around and finds a raggedy, old radio spewing the same jazz music that woke him up.

“I’m not late, I wasn’t going to come tonight.” Levi crosses his arms. “Can you turn this music off? It woke me up.”

“Woke you up? It’s on the lowest volume.” Eren places his cold beer onto the ground and tries to fiddle with the radio. Levi makes this his moment to walk around the backyard in amazement. “Do you like it?” Eren asks after a few moments. “I’ve been hiding all this stuff from her for a while. I thought it would be a nice present since I’ve been on her back too much.” Levi hums and uncrosses his arms. Eren takes another drink of his beer and leans his head against the pool’s edge. Though Levi cannot see much under the water, the way Eren’s neck and shoulders are shaped show a very well together man.

“I guess the city never sleeps with you.” Levi slurs out, still trying to shake off his sleepiness. “You never go home.” Eren chuckles at this and lifts his arm. Laying his bicep on the pool’s edge, Levi attempts to ignore the hill-like humps.

“I’ve always been a night owl.” He says. “The night is my home.” Eren raises his hand and wiggles it. “Come on, get in. Didn’t you say you would join me?”

“I never said that.”

“Stop bein’ such a sour puss.” Eren turns in the water and gifts Levi with another heart-tugging smile. “Get in the damn water! Night-time swimming is better than any swimming you’ll ever experience.”

“It’s three in the morning.” Levi tries to decline.

“Yep, the ripe time for a swim.” He continues. “You’ll never enjoy life if you can’t let loose once in a while.”

He gets in the pool after five minutes of persuading from Eren. Levi thanks himself for placing on briefs before coming down, or this whole moment would have been plenty awkward. His toe shivers at the first touch, and soon enough his whole body is shaking from the freezing intrusion. Eren laughs as quietly as possible at him and tells him to grow some balls. Levi, in response, splashes water on his face and threatens to pour his beer in the pool. This gets the bright-eyed male to be quiet and simply swim amused at the shorter.

“It gets warmer,” He comforts. “- and when it does, I will be dunkin’ you.”

“The hell you will.”

That jazz music plays so softly, but also so loudly as they joke around. Eren gets Levi’s hair wet enough to where it is dripping down his back and shoulders. Eren enjoys his success, but stays far away from Levi just in case he enacts revenge. So, they swim a few feet apart from each other, far enough to be comfortable, but close enough to hear each other’s heavy breathing.

Levi continuously pushes his hair out of his face as he rests against the edge of the pool. He swings his feet back and forth by instinct, and goes underneath the water a few times to feel the aqua envelop him. By then, his eyes are wide awake, and the cold water had shaken him into full consciousness.

“See, it ain’t so bad…” Eren’s bubbly voice whispers. His eyes twinkle from the pool’s reflection, giving Levi the view of blue skies and grassy fields at the same time. “Do you feel better?”

“How do you know I was feeling bad?” Levi questions. His head is now floating atop the water, and he can feel water dripping in his ear. Shaking his head, he sits up and relaxes at the feeling of his dripping hair clinging to his neck.

“You didn’t come down tonight. There has to be a reason, I mean –“ He grins. “ – how could you miss out on a grand ol’ time with me?” Levi scoffs and closes his eyes. He starts to swim toward Eren. “We can talk about it, if you want.” The shorter male gives Eren the side-eye before ceasing in his movement. Eren leans against the pool’s edge, arms laid against it and biceps showing.

Eren has always had an organic beauty to him. A type of aesthetic that you’d only see in real life – not in the movies. He has scars on his chest, likely from his job, and an outie-belly button. His arms are covered in trimmed hair, and his underarms look like a forest. He has a subtle goatee, along with moles, acne scars, scratches, and everything else that made a person - a _person_. A man - a _man_. He is not like Roman, who prefers to shave and smell like cherry blossoms.

Eren smells like sweat, cut grass, and dirt when he works. And when he does not smell like that – he smells like his fruity, saccharine juice. His hair has a lot of split ends, and Levi can see he has trouble taking care of himself in the way he dresses. His tan skin is equivalent to caramel, and his eyes are brighter than apatite – abalone – simply _any_ mineral he has ever seen.

Even now, Eren reminds him of something tastefully organic. Pure of perfection and full of messiness. He smells like chlorine and grass, and he looks like a real-life _Tarzan_ with the way his hair falls from its bun. Levi tries to cease any pulling he feels toward the man, but it becomes close to impossible when Eren gives him a sharp grin again.

“What age do you want to have kids?” Levi blurts out unexpectedly. Eren’s eyes slowly widen, and then they are calm again.

“Never really thought about that. I’m twenty-four so…I guess when I’m twenty-nine?” Eren looks up at the sky in wonder. “Who knows, though? Maybe I’ll change my mind and say tomorrow, or next year, or a decade from now.” He shrugs his shoulders. “It comes with time. I don’t usually think of my life in a step-by-step process. Whatever happens –“ His eyes focus back on me. “ – happens.”

“Roman wants to have kids, if you didn’t realize that.” The shorter male admits after digesting Eren’s response. “I’m not sure how to react.”

“Well, do _you_ want to have kids yet?”

“No.” It takes him a few seconds to muster up his confession.

“Then there’s your answer.” Eren opens his palms as if suggesting the answer was as simple as it seemed. Levi gazes down at his palms in the water and lets his eyes soften. Of course, Eren would not be able to answer effectively. He hardly knew the circumstances of their relationship. Hell, no one did.

“It’s as simple as it sounds, trust me.” Eren’s voice tears through his thoughts.

“Yeah, right.” The sarcasm is thick.

“...when I was real little, I had my first dog when I was twelve.” Eren sinks lower into the water to where his chin is sunken, yet his arms still hold onto the pool’s edge. “I named her after one of my best friends at the time– Ymir. The dog was feisty and snuck into my aunt’s fridge at night. It’s why I named her after Ymir, because my friend was also always stealing from food trucks down the road.” Eren chuckles at the sweet memory.

“Ymir was born with an illness that the owners were aware of. That’s why they gave her to me for so cheap, because they knew she would die soon.” This declaration makes Levi’s form still, especially at how deep Eren’s voice had gotten. “She started biting me and having seizures. Sometimes, she’d stay outside for hours and look at me like I was a stranger.” Eren lets his arms fall from the edge.

“She had to get put down one day after almost bitin’ a chunk of my hand off.” He lifts his right hand to show a curve of bite marks between his thumb and index finger. “They didn’t know about her sickness until after they put her to sleep. Though, I think she was too far gone for treatment.”

“What kind of dog was she?” Levi murmurs out in curiosity.

“A beagle.” He smiles with sweet memory. “Real pretty too.”

“Beagles are smart dogs.” Levi lets his body float closer to Eren. “Not surprised she would raid your fridge.”

“Right?” He laughs. He lifts his hands out the water and cups the liquid. Lifting his arm, he lets the water flow down his arm. “When she died, my best friend – Ymir – moved away two months later. I haven’t seen her since. She is probably far away, stealing French bread and flirting with girls, like she always did.” When Levi gets close enough, Eren gains the confidence to grab his wrist under the water.

Levi jumps at the sudden contact. He watches Eren pull his hand out the water and show him his pale palm. He points to droplets of water seeping through his nimble fingers. “I guess I told you this whole story to kinda say: sometimes you have to let it go,” He presses Levi’s fingers together to form a cup. His hand carefully places water into Levi’s palm. “Other times, ya' gotta understand that some things will leave you, no matter what you do, or say.” The liquid in his palm still leaks water droplets into the pool. The droplets sound like breaking glass in Levi’s ears.

“It’s apart of life. The in-and-out cycle.”

Eren’s fingers feel cold on his knuckles. Pulling his hand away, Levi lets it fall back into the water. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re a little bit too poetic?”

“I haven’t had any complaints so far.” He backs away to the pool’s edge again. “But I guess there is always room for one?” Levi swallows down the grin and places his back against the freezing concrete. Sighing at the coldness, he feels relief from Roman’s steaming hot bath.

“Did it help any, though? You could tell me to shut up. I accept constructive criticism.”

“Sure, Eren,” Levi starts. “I should divorce my husband and live back at home with my mom. Then I can travel to Cancun, alone, and enjoy the single life. Sounds great.” The sarcasm is evident. Yet, the idea does not seem so bad to Levi.

“Ooh, Cancun? I’ve never been!” Eren coos. “The most I’ve seen is the beach and some ugly forests.”

“Like the one under your arms?”

“Huh?” Eren flips out at this. Lifting his arm, he looks down at the hair sticking out and blushes slightly. The sight amuses Levi, if he wanted to be completely honest. “Hey, I forgot to trim today! I lost my scissors so don’t body shame me!” A chuckle from Levi is enough for Eren to become sedated. He grins and places his arm down.

“And divorcing your husband doesn’t sound like all of a bad idea.”

“Says you and ninety percent of others in this damn house.” Levi sighs. “Isabel, Farlan –“ He pauses. “ – and you would be happy if I left him.”

“That is a fact.” Eren dives back into the water and begins swimming in triangles. Levi watches him in interest.

“I can understand my siblings, but my relationship has nothing to do with you. We hardly know each other.” He shakes his head and contemplates getting out the pool. Frankly, he is sick of the slander his husband has to suffer through. It makes him a bit more sympathetic toward the male.

“You have no means for an opinion on it.” He wants Eren to hear him, but the idiot keeps swimming like all is good. “Eren.”

“Then why are you here?” Eren ceases swimming and looks up at Levi’s form. It is the second time Levi has the actual chance to look down at him. “Swimming with me, half-naked. Your husband wouldn’t like that, would he? He is one of _those_ guys. I can tell just by looking at him.”

“I don’t know what you mean by ‘_those’_, but he isn’t anything you are thinking of. You don’t even know him.”

“The kind that doesn’t like his boyfriend to be around other guys, or the kind that gets jealous when you play better at cards than him.” Eren laughs. “Or the kind that tells you what you can and can’t do, and the kind that tells you to shave your legs and arms because hairy is _improper_.” He gestures his arm and jawline. “Trust me, there is nothing worse than _those_ guys.”

“So, you think you’re better than him or something?” Levi pushes Eren’s chest away from him when he gets too close. Eren ignores it and places both his hands near Levi’s head. The shorter does not recognize the ladder he has backed up against.

“There is no room for comparison.” Eren shakes his head. “Some men aren’t worth that much.” Suddenly, Eren’s body is hoisted upward. Levi’s navy eyes widen when he is viewed with a dripping, chiseled chest and wet shorts. Just when he thinks Eren is going to jump him, he sees Eren’s feet and hears his footsteps on the concrete. He turns around in shock and wipes his cheeks of the water Eren had dropped on him.

“You scared the shit out of me!” He tries not to yell. Eren looks innocently at him and snatches a towel from the deck. “You could have told me you were getting out.”

“Shouldn’t have been near the ladder.”

“Shut up, asshole.” Levi places his foot onto the ladders pole. “Did you bring me a towel?” An arrogant smirk appears on Eren’s face.

“Like I’d forget.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all are either going to love or hate the next chapter.


	6. Moonstone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The truth is that my slice of heaven  
tastes better than my favorite drink."  
\- Heaven, Bitter:Sweet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's a little shock factor for this Friday afternoon.

_moonstone_

_represents tenderness, and is believed to bring lovers closer together_

_is the **light** in the darkness._

Levi will curse this abalone necklace as long as he lives for bringing him to kiss Eren.

After swimming in the pool with Eren, it is now four in the morning, and they spend the next few hours lounging on the new patio couch. Eren hangs a towel over his head and watches the midnight sky move, like cars on a highway. Levi plays with his necklace in boredom and gazes with him. It is nice, even though the moon is starting to go down. The rock looks brighter after the cleansing of water, and Levi reminds himself that he needs to take care of it more. 

“If you had kids,” Eren brings up their old conversation. “What would you name them?” Levi pauses to think about his answer.

“I would name them after my dad.” He concludes. Eren hums in agreement.

“Your dad died in Katrina, right?” Levi licks his lips. His back connects with the couch pillows and he hangs his head backward.

“Yeah.”

“My mom…” Eren starts. “And dad died too. Had to live with my grandparents in New York for a while.” Levi fiddles with his fingers and tries to find a way to respond. Luckily, Eren keeps speaking. “My grandparents died from natural causes two years later, so I had to live with my aunt. It was crazy.” The bright-eyed male bobs his head. “It was crazy, and I wasn’t even there to witness it. I could imagine how it felt for you – being there and all.”

“I really only got hit in the face with four branches.” Levi tries to lighten the mood. “Besides that, my mom and I got away in time before it got worse.”

“That’s good.” Eren smiles. “I’m glad.” They diverge their attention back onto the sky. Levi continues to play with the shell around his neck, making subtle noises when his fingernail accidentally scraps it. It catches Eren’s attention quickly. Glancing down, he gently grabs the rock and analyzes it.

“I remember this. It was the first thing I noticed when I met you.” He chuckles. “I thought –‘why the hell does this guy have a boulder around his neck?’” Scowling, Levi pushes his fingers away. “I’m kidding!”

“Whatever. Don’t touch it, your fingernails are probably dirty as hell.”

“What made you make it?” He touches the shell delicately. The way he pushes the shell into Levi’s chest makes him feel a bit vulnerable. Shaking it off, Levi responds.

“I was _trying_ to be a spiritual person months ago. I was never into religion much, so I thought if I got a rock off the beach, it would give me some spiritual awakening.” Levi scoffs. “Turns out all it gives me is chest scratches and pretty eye candy.”

“What’s it telling you right now?” Eren leans over childishly. “Maybe on the lines of – ‘let Eren have some juice this week for a really good sugar rush?’”

“You’re a joke.” Levi blurts out. Eren ignores the insult and chuckles to himself. Lifting his head, Levi lets his cheek rest on his palm as he stares at Eren’s relaxed form. The bright-eyed male clenches the shell once more and lets his thumb rub over the crystal form.

As Eren stays fixated, Levi becomes enamored at the similarities between his eyes and the shell.

“It’s like your eyes, you know.” Eren glances up at him. “Kind of green, kind of blue. Confusing as hell.” Levi shrugs a shoulder and peers down at Eren’s hand resting on his chest. Suddenly, his rough, calloused hand runs up his cold neck and rubs a crevice. Levi tries not to get goosebumps at the delicate feeling. The urge to flinch and push him away should be there, but instead, he melts into the feeling.

“Your neck –“ Eren’s voice rumbles out. “ – is red.” Levi lets his eyes soften at the tone. He reaches upward and places his palm over Eren’s knuckle. He attempts to remove it, but his hand will not budge. Levi licks his lips and contemplates a response. Hell, how could Eren even see his neck’s color in the darkness? “I can feel the heat from it,” Eren answers the questions flowing through his head. “From your reaction, you know it is too.”

Eren takes his hand off his neck and snatches the necklace again. Pulling it gently, Levi lets him guide his body closer.

Closer and closer. Till Levi doesn’t even know how time moves anymore.

Like a raisin in the sun, Levi sucks up all the tenderness Eren offers him. From the way he caresses his sore neck, to the way he licks at his dry lips. Opening his mouth wider, Levi lets him do as he pleases and tries to stop the thumping in his chest. Anxiety or excitement – Levi is not sure, but he knows that he does not want to stop anytime soon.

The wet, damp noise of their kiss makes Levi’s legs tremble. He responds eagerly seconds later, realizing that the constriction in his chest was not nervousness nor excitement, but the yearn to relay. The desire or the longing to respond to such delicacy. Had Levi sat down and thought of his relationship with Eren, he would have understood that he ached for something like this. But Levi being himself, he waits last minute to get the ball rolling and comprehending what his gut is telling him.

And for the slightest moment, Levi thinks about pushing him away and yelling for him to stop. He thinks about telling Kuchel about the issue and getting Eren fired. Not out of pure evil, of course, but because their actions right now are not going to be taken back.

There is no reversal of time. Levi cannot wake up and ignore this event, especially knowing that Eren’s personality is too upfront to let him do so.

_“Who knows, though? Maybe I’ll change my mind and say tomorrow, or next year, or a decade from now.”_

_“It comes with time. I don’t usually think of my life in a step-by-step process.”_

_“Whatever happens, happens.”_

Eren is poetic with words, really. Yet, his lips write scriptures words could never imitate.

The shorter-male raises his palm and places it on the other's chest. Sensing the slightest hesitation, Eren pulls backward, licking away leftover saliva on his lips. The rosy look of them makes Levi want to blush – knowing he had lip-locked with another man besides his husband.

It is his first kiss besides Roman, and it felt dramatically different.

For an instant, Levi makes the decision to not speak and instead stare at the bright-eyed male’s mouth. He claws at Eren’s chest, feeling the soft skin, and leans forward. He decides to be a little bit more risqué and sucks Eren’s bottom lip into his mouth. The action makes the male grin and widens his mouth for entrance. Their mouths close and make noisy suction. It sounds like a lullaby in Levi’s ear, almost as if he could fall asleep to the massaging on his lips.

When Eren separates himself, the black-haired beauty opens his eyes and yearns for the feeling again. He wishes Eren had a shirt on just so he could grip him and pull him forward. Instead, his only leverage is a chiseled chest that smells like chlorine.

“I know it’s almost five in the morning, and you’re likely tired as hell. You’re probably regretting this right now, but –“ His lively eyes connect with his own. “ – I want to ask if you feel like being a little bit unholy today.”

‘_Unholy_?’ Levi questions in his head. Images of his mother’s religious-affiliated home flash, and Levi cannot help but think Eren believes they are truly in a movie. Reducing a grin, Levi lifts his head up from the couch’s edge and gazes in Eren’s eyes.

“Are you a priest now?” Eren smiles and grabs Levi’s wrist. Kissing his knuckles, he murmurs into his hand.

“Maybe so.” He asks. Levi has no time to really pause and think about his actions. For God’s sake, he is married, and god knows if Roman wakes up alone – things would not turn out well. But with the way Eren looks at him and speaks to him, Levi knows he cannot say no. Or, more so, the desire to say _yes_ overcomes anything opposite.

It feels like his first time all over again.

It does not take long for Levi to agree, and they take a short trip in Eren’s truck. It blows tunes and fumes down the street. Levi sits in the car, legs rubbing against each other and thoughts muffled. He thinks about what Eren said to him, and how the male understands what they are doing is quote-on-quote ‘_unholy_.’

Though, from someone who is not as religious, he would more so call it unfaithful, disloyal, and completely idiotic.

If after this, Levi considered himself a horrible person, he would be okay with that. Then Roman and he would not be so different after all. Maybe he could live a bit more calmly, knowing that they were a match made for each other.

If Levi did not feel horrible after this act then…he had a lot of soul-searching to do. Levi clenches his shell at this thought.

By the time the sun is kissing the horizon, Levi is laying on Eren’s medium-sized bed with his legs wrapped around the male’s head, and his rosy lips are breathing out moans. He arches his back and thinks about the last time Roman had gone down on him, and actually fails to find anything recent. He shutters, eyebrows scrunching up, when he feels Eren’s tongue licking places sacred.

It had happened fast. The minute they entered Eren’s apartment (which is relatively close to Kuchel’s home), the male kissed him softly again. They exchanged short words of approval at each other’s actions, and the minute Levi placed his body on the bed – Eren was on him. It was overwhelming at first considering he was still adjusting to his surroundings.

Posters of the ocean, flowery fields, and even a sand dune filled his room. There was a plant in every corner as well. Smirking, Levi figured he preferred Eren’s room to look like this rather than something dull.

Once he felt at peace with his environment, Levi felt his body relax and respond to Eren’s actions. He moved rather slowly, just in case the dark-haired male wanted to stop, and ground against him. It took a couple of tongue-filled kisses for Eren to actually move more downward. By then, Levi’s face was flustered from sucks on his nipple and navel. It was the perfect transition because if Eren had not done so any sooner, Levi was sure he was going to go crazy.

The tangerine sunrise filters through Eren’s apartment window, illuminating his plants and a boxy section on the floor. Levi watches as Eren’s form becomes emblazed with light. Clenching his legs tighter, Levi drags his fingernails into Eren’s hair and jerks at the feeling of his tongue prod blessed areas.

“Eren –“ His voice flows out. He feels Eren’s hands trying to pry his legs back open, likely feeling the strong pressure of Levi’s thighs. He lets out a low sigh. “Fuck, sorry.” He whispers out as he attempts to open his legs wider.

Just when he says this, Eren lifts himself up and drags his wet tongue down Levi’s arousal. He grips Levi’s calves and pulls his body. Levi feels his head hit the bed. Lifting his legs, Eren pushes them forward to expose more of the other’s bottom.

“Don’t apologize,” The bright-eyed beauty smiles at Levi’s flushed form. “You’re doing just fine.” His words fade out as he wraps his arms around Levi’s thighs, placing his mouth back downward.

Eren grabs a bottle of lube from under his bed two minutes later. Slicking up his fingers, he slowly presses his index into Levi’s hole. The shorter male closes his eyes and basks in the feeling.

Though he enjoys the act of sex itself, foreplay is an activity he finds the most exciting. It has been too long since he had been able to enjoy it fully. Levi clenches around the finger and feels it curling inside him.

“Does that feel good?” He hears Eren mutter in his ear. It takes him a moment to realize the other is nicely pressed against him. Levi turns his head to the side when Eren begins to suckle against his neck, biting soft enough that it will not leave bruises.

“You want another?” Just as he says this, Eren adds a finger to his slow thrusts. Lifting his chin, Levi spreads his thighs wider and listens to the wet sounds of his fingers inside him.

“Go faster.” Levi finds the mindset to speak. His hips start to rock back and forth, erotically wishing the male would just pull it out and get to work. But considering how Eren acts in real life, he will be nothing short of a teaser in bed.

Wrapping an arm around Eren’s neck, Levi glances down between them and grinds himself into the fingers.

“You sure?”

“I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t, you idiot.” He curses. Eren grins and gets up from his position. He slips his fingers out of him, almost making Levi want to slap him in frustration, and pushes Levi’s right leg away from him. He lays side by side next to the other and places his two fingers back into him. The quick action makes the shorter sigh in relief and slowly become tense when Eren’s fingers start to piston. They curl once inside, brushing against his prostate, and create a noisy sound that turns him on like crazy.

“Hn –“ He searches for leverage when the pleasure gets to him. He ends up grabbing at Eren’s shorts that are still on, not realizing he was doing so and tries to lift himself from the pounding fingers. “_Fuck!_ Eren – it’s –“ Levi arches his back again and feels his legs start to shake. Knowing how sensitive he is, if Eren would just as much as touch his dick, he would be seeing stars.

Eren’s whispers start to catch up. “Levi,” He licks at his ear lobe and wiggles his fingers inside. “Can you cum from just my fingers? You’re so wet.” Eren starts to rub at his prostate ruthlessly, making Levi’s legs close and trap his arm. “Can you do that for me?”

“I don’t –“ A special jab makes tears build up in his eyes. He breathes harshly and clenches his eyes. The pleasure, the talking, the heat, the emotions – it all makes him want to scream.

“I don’t know if I…” He trails off, likely forgetting what Eren even asked of him. Suddenly, Eren removes his fingers and slips his hand out of Levi’s thighs. The loss makes Levi’s cock throb.

“Do you want to go farther?” Eren asks. Levi opens his eyes wider and looks up at his face. His hair is tousled and tangled from Levi pulling it so much, and his face is redder than a cherry tomato. “I can make you cum from my fingers if you don’t want to go too far.” The statement makes Levi’s eyebrows scrunch up.

What the fuck is this loser _talking_ about? Stop? Right there? Is he delusional?

“Tell me,” Levi begins though he is out of breath. “What is the difference between fingers and a dick?”

“A lot, actually.”

“I’m not stopping _now_.” The shorter male sits up from his position. “You either fuck me or I go home. Your fingers have already been up my ass –“ He bobs his head. “ – we crossed boundaries hours ago. Now,” He leans back down. “- get back to work.”

“So bossy,” Eren pouts. “Must not get a lot of lovin’ at home.” He places himself back in-between Levi’s thighs and kisses the other on his lips. Levi decides to ignore the comment, just because he does not want to ruin the mood with his divert conversations, and wraps his legs around his waist. They spend more moments kissing, tongues dancing and lips rosy. Eren soon enough rids himself of his shorts and positions himself against Levi’s rim.

He feels the hot head of Eren’s lubed erection rubbing against him. Looking down, his heart starts to pound at the sheer size, wondering if Eren’s preparations were enough. When he feels Eren start to push in, Levi grabs the sheet below him and bites his lip. He stretches him and hits crevices undiscovered.

The tangerine sunrise shines on Levi’s upper eye as he throws his head back, and the male could have sworn he went to a golden nirvana.

By the time Eren’s hips kiss his bottom, Eren’s fingernails have already been clenching his hips. Moon-crescent marks indent themselves on his sides, along with a steaming hit sting. Levi withers at the pleasure and rubs his back against the silky bed sheets. 

“Oh my _god_…” He can hardly hear himself. Levi shutters and widens his legs. His mouth moves, spewing moans that he is unaware he is making.

The music must have stroked his ego well because Eren begins to thrust his hips faster in a faultless angle. He lifts Levi’s leg and continues to thrust, arousal becoming more dampened and manifesting risqué noises.

Sex with Eren is a symphony. Their sounds are merging together cohesively, creating an erotic gem. He never thought sex could be more than touching and feeling.

“Faster -” Levi moans out. His hips continue to clap ruthlessly. The event of it all, plus the foreplay Levi was not used to, makes the shorter male's head fall and back arch. “It’s too much!” Just as he says this, Eren wraps his hand around his leaking cock and starts to thumb the mushroom head.

“_Please_ –“

With a perfect arch, white liquid waterfalls from his throbbing cock and coats his stomach. Levi breathes heavily at the orgasm but has no time to rest when Eren continues his endless thrusting. He is so focused, so passionate about it all that it makes Levi’s heart constrict. He feels Eren continuing to rub against his wet insides, and it only takes a few seconds before the overstimulation starts to get to him.

He can only shutter, legs shaking and breath uneven, as he feels the bright-eyed male inside him kiss his prostate. Eren pulls out and takes his hands off his hips.

“Turn around.” He utters to him. Without hesitation, Levi places himself on his hands and knees. Eren grabs his hips and places his thick arousal back into him – not even giving Levi a chance to adjust. The quick action makes his mouth water. Biting his lip, Levi clenches the sheets and hangs his head.

The new angle causes Levi to feel every vibration of Eren’s thrust. They shake his body completely, making his hands fist the sheets tighter and legs begin to slide down. As he moves, he notices his hollow necklace hanging on his neck. He moves his hips back to meet Eren’s thrust and is surprised when Eren lets out a deep groan.

“Fuck, do that again,” Feeling a sense of gratification, he continues to move his body along Eren’s erection. The bright-eyed male ceases thrusting entirely and watches. Blushing, Levi leans down and buries his face into the sheets.

“You are so annoying.” He growls. Eren laughs, making Levi’s heartstrings sing, and slowly begins to move his hips again. The pleasure is brought back again with a vengeance, and at that point he could no longer hold his body up in a proper position. With this entire body flat on the bed, Eren pushes down on his back and hammers into him. The action has Levi able to grind against the bed and experience full ecstasy.

“A-Ah, god, _Eren_! Fuck –“ He gasps. “ – inside, please!” With his last erotic shouts, Levi releases onto the bedsheet and lets out a high-pitched moan.

“You want it inside?” Eren asks between angled thrust. Levi shouts out a yes in his orgasmic haze. He feels the fatigue arriving from having two orgasms, but his first job was finishing Eren off. Pushing back again, Levi milks Eren’s cock until he feels his thrust becoming uncoordinated. “It’s coming -” He drawls out before his hips still. His fingernails dig into Levi’s back again. The shorter male's eyes flicker at the feeling.

Eren pulls out seconds later. He sits on his knees, breathing heavy, and rubs at Levi’s velvet buttocks. Scowling, Levi looks behind him and watches him stare at his sweaty figure. “You are a complete fucking pervert.” He mutters out loud. Eren raises an eyebrow and continues to run his hand along his cheeks, as if they were soft pillows.

“You came twice, right?” Levi turns his head back in front of him and avoids answering. “You’re so sensitive. I would think you were a virgin.”

“I am _not_ sensitive.”

“Yeah, okay,” Eren crawls up and lays next to him. He lays his head against the headboard and glances at Levi’s flushed face. “I put my fingers in for two seconds and then it’s like –“ Closing his eyes, Eren lets out a dramatic, erotic moan. “_’Eren – I’m gonna cum, Eren –‘ _ow!” The slap against Eren’s chest echoes. “That hurt, you sexy bastard!”

“Are you looking to _die_?”

They take a hot shower, cleaning off the pool’s chlorine and sweat. Levi ends up throwing Eren’s shampoo and conditioner away after use, claiming they are making Eren’s hair worse. They lather each other’s bodies up in ocean-breeze body wash. Surprisingly, the activity stays decent, besides Eren’s habit of rubbing Levi’s bottom in every embrace. Though, Levi is not the one to talk, because he ends up pinching Eren’s buttcheeks in awful humor when drying off.

Eren changes the sheets and they settle on watching television. However, the watching does not last long, as their kisses become wetter and their naked bodies start to react to each other again. Kiss after kiss, lick after lick – and Levi is contemplating if he’ll be able to keep up with Eren’s sexual drive. They are only a year apart, so it shocks him when Eren is able to get back up again in only a few minutes.

Nonetheless, Levi does not complain much.

They have sex two more times before they call it quits. The birds are chirping and cars are driving down the road. That tangerine sunrise has become a baby blue sky, infiltrating Eren’s room and feeding his family of cacti. Eren finds Levi the closest clothes to his size and they both get ready to go about their day. Eren has another house he works on in the mornings, so he plans to drop Levi off around seven-thirty.

So, with sore hips and a raspy throat, Levi checks his neck for love bites and finds none. The only evidence of today is the slight fingernail indentations on his hips, something he can easily hide from Roman. Levi fixes his hair and waits for Eren to finish dressing.

What comes after this – is not talked about.

Perhaps, it was implied when Eren pulled up to Kuchel’s house. He places the truck in park and glances over at Levi. His hair is placed back into a bun with few strands in front of his face. His lips are sore from Levi biting them so much, and if you looked closely, you could see love bites he had left on his collarbone. Eren leans against the seat and finds the right words to say. Levi sits there patiently.

“Do you have any regrets?” Eren finally asks. The black-haired male pauses in any movement and thinks about the unexpected question. “Do you feel any guilt?” Levi blinks. Shaking his head, he grabs the trucks handle and responds.

“No…,” says Levi. “I don’t think so.” He looks over at Eren and is surprised when he smiles at him. He laughs, like he always does, no matter the situation, and peers out the window next to him. Levi watches his turned form move. “I’ll see you later today?” Levi asks as he opens the car door. Eren nods his head.

“Of course.” He slams the door closed. Levi watches as Eren drives off, face indescribable, but smile brightening. Levi shuffles on his feet and turns to face his mother’s house. Roman’s car is gone, showing he was already gone for work (or the gym, or the store, or whatever his dumb excuses were). Sighing in relief, Levi strolls up to the door. He stands there for a few seconds after completely analyzing his appearance. He looks fine.

No evidence – _nothing_.

“Well, well, well – look what the cat dragged in!” – is the first thing he hears when he steps foot into the house.

Farlan’s voice, of course, punctures through his façade of nonchalance and makes the elder scowl. Farlan raises an eyebrow at him from the living room couch and continues gobbling down a bowl of cereal. Isabel, who sitting right next to him, continues making egg sandwiches and dipping it in ketchup. “A lost mouse, it seems.”

“Farlan, Isabel.” Levi interferes. “Why the fuck aren’t you two in school? You have summer classes for a reason.”

“Development day. The real question is –“ Farlan points his wet spoon at him. “- where have you been all night?”

“Out.”

“Out, huh?” Isabel condescendingly says. Her vibe shows she is still upset about Levi’s eventual departure, but she cannot help her nosiness. “I could have sworn I heard a truck singing down the road, and it awfully sounded like Eren’s.”

“Eren’s!?” Farlan feigns shock. He drops his spoon in his milk dramatically. “Not Eren’s!”

“Tell me, Levi!” Isabel’s excitement bursts like a shaken cold drink. She places her cereal on the floor and grins happily. “Do you like him? Did you go on a date or something?” Levi stands in the middle of the room, shock evident on his face. Jesus fucking Christ – could he get anything past these two brats? Levi shakes his head and walks over to the couch. He sits down next to Farlan and relaxes. He attempts to not show nervousness on his face.

“Obviously not, Isabel. I’m fucking married.” He says a bit too harshly. Isabel deflates. “We went to the movies.” He lies. Isabel and Farlan light up at the confession. Levi tries to tap into those hidden parts of his brain that store immense intelligence because he is surely going to need it if he is going to get out of this with no suspicion. Then, Levi finds it. “He confessed to me. I had to let him down gently.”

“What!?” – the two shout in unison. Levi flinches at the sound. “Eren likes _you_?” Farlan questions uneasily.

“What do you mean _‘Eren likes you’_?” Levi shouts. “I’m a good catch! And yes – that’s why I was out so late. I felt bad so I offered to take him out to eat. So yeah, I’m not hungry. I already had breakfast. Thanks for asking, you fucking brats.”

So untrue, he is starving.

“That still doesn’t make sense,” Isabel confesses. “Why couldn’t this be a day thing? Why so late at night?”

Levi is a terrible liar. Fuck, he wishes story-telling was in his blood!

“Because he didn’t want Roman to be there.”

“…but Roman didn’t work yesterday.”

“Would you -!” Levi sits up from the couch. “ – just drop it! I don’t know why Eren did it. Ask him!”

“Speaking of Roman…” Farlan drawls on. He swallows some of his cereal and looks at Levi knowingly. “He woke up this morning very upset, I’ll tell you. But your best brother here told him you went grocery shopping! I think I made it believable enough.” The blond gives a teeth-filled smile. “I think he left for work though? Doesn’t he work nights?”

_‘Who knows._’ Levi wants to say. _‘He leaves when he wants, and comes back when he wants.’_ The older sibling gets up from the couch and starts to walk toward the kitchen.

“I’m going to get my phone. I’ll be right back.” When he enters his bedroom, he finds the comforter on the floor, along with several items that resided previously in the nightstand. Levi figures Roman was looking for his phone. Bending down, Levi picks up the device that he had hidden under the bed’s mattress. It was a habit, really. Letting Roman going through his phone was equivalent to begging for an argument, considering the other went through his emails and text messages like a mental case.

Levi turns it on and grimaces at the number of messages from his husband.

**Roman**

_where are you._

_6:24AM_

**Roman**

_You better fucking answer you never leave in the morning._

_6:25AM_

**Roman**

_ Levi._

_6:30AM_

**Roman**

_your phone is gone so I know you see these. if you don’t reply levi I will do things I’m going to regret_

_6:46AM_

**Roman**

_I’m not stopping next time. you think you can leave whenever you want? you’ve always been a slut but at least you knew your place coming back to this place has done nothing but make you fucking crazy.when you com home_

_6:59AM_

**Roman**

_I’m sorry._

_7:00AM_

**Roman**

_you said you wouldn’t leave me_

_7:00AM_

**Roman**

_went to the gym. you better be home when I get back._

_7:03AM_

Forty missed calls. Levi places his hand on his forehead and hangs over the bed. His stiff hair, courtesy of Eren’s awful shampoo, creates a prison over his eyes. He clenches the phone tightly and raises his thumb to respond. He thinks, and thinks, and thinks of what Roman would believe.

What would be the most reasonable? What would make him less angry when he got home?

**Levi**

_I’m sorry. I went to the gym too. I went earlier because I knew you would be going in the morning. I’m sorry._

_7:48AM_

Not even thirty seconds later, Roman reads his message and starts to type. Levi’s heart starts thumping, and he can feel his palms sweating.

**Roman**

_how did you get there_

_7:48AM_

**Levi**

_Mom’s car._

_7:49AM_

**Roman**

_on my way back._

_7:49AM_

_‘Son of a bitch.’_ Levi groans in his head. _‘Fuck, fuck, fuck!’_ Jumping up from his position, Levi starts taking off the clothes Eren gave him automatically. His mother would work today, showing that the car was gone and that he, in fact, did not take it. Levi shimmers into a tight, white shirt and pants. With a shuffle to his locks, Levi makes sure he looks the least bit of attractive before he heads back downstairs.

“That hurts, Farlan!” Farlan looks up from braiding Isabel’s hair to see his older brother sprint into the kitchen. Raising an eyebrow, he continues pulling his sister’s hair into a Dutch braid and not carrying about her complaints. He watches his brother make coffee and tea at the same time. He then looks down at his sister who is sitting between his legs on the floor, rubbing her scalp and telling Farlan to finish.

“Can’t you do it softer?”

“You want it to stay put or not?” He mutters out. His delicate hands that are used to braiding Isabel’s hair start to finish up. He wraps a rubber band around the end and pushes her head away from him. “There. Big ass baby.”

“You didn’t even do the other side!”

“Levi!” The blond-haired male bounces up from his position on the couch. He travels into the kitchen and watches his brother frantically turn on the stove. “Whatchu doin’?” He doesn’t answer. Isabel follows after, itching her head and looking ridiculous with only half of her head braided. Her hand falls from her scalp when she notices Levi making coffee.

“Uh, Levi?”

“Big Bro?” Isabel finds the voice to speak. It was the first time this week she had reverted back to Levi’s old nickname. Nonetheless, it does not catch his attention, as the older is immensely focused on his tasks. Isabel runs her fingers through her locks and glances up at Farlan. The blond shrugs his shoulders.

“Levi!” Her voice booms.

Levi jumps at the sound and peers over at them in surprise. The coffee grains in his hands fall onto the counter due to his jump, but it does not diminish the shock on his face. Just for a second, the two siblings watch his eyebrows contort and see a glimpse of nervousness. It makes Farlan step closer and Isabel stop fiddling with her hair. Yet, time snaps and Levi glues a scowl onto his face.

“What the hell are you two yelling for?” He demeans. “I’m right here.” The statement makes Farlan scoff.

“You seem farther than that.”

“Are you okay?” Isabel intervenes. The black-haired male averts his attention and works on cleaning up the mess he had made. Isabel observes his hair covering up his face, and how his shoulders are so tense that they almost reach his earlobes. The male starts the coffee machine and grabs two mugs. The loud closings of the cabinets become the only sound that breaks the silence.

“Yeah –“ Levi whispers as he cleans the mugs with hot water. “- I’m good. Do you want some tea?”

“No, we’re fine.” Farlan answers for the both of them. Grabbing his sister’s hand, Farlan leads her back to the living room. “I’m gonna finish her hair.”

“W-Wai –“

“Leave it.” Farlan mouths to her when he sits back down on the couch. “He’s fidgeting, all in his head. Probably got into an argument with Roman or something.” Silence falls upon them. They faintly hear Levi turning on the kitchen faucet.

“That asshole.” Isabel starts. She sits back down on the floor and lets Farlan brush her hair. “If it’s not one thing, it’s the other. I don’t know what he sees in that dickhead.” Her brother hums in response.

“That’s love, I guess.”

Time passes, and it becomes three more days before Levi goes back to Australia. The preparations for the barbeque are nearly done. Eren had bought Kuchel a new barbeque pit, which made her beam with joy. She was already near death after seeing her patio, and the more Eren did for her, the more she fell in love with him. It made Levi’s day to see her so happy.

It seemed that as time closed in, her smile grew wider.

Roman grew more irritable.

His promise on cutting down on work was fulfilled, and now Levi has to deal with his attitude twenty-four seven. The talk about kids comes up more often, and before he knows it, Levi agrees to it all just so Roman can shut up. One would think it would make Roman’s attitude improve, but it only made it worse. Perhaps he was aware Levi was lying through his teeth.

His night with Eren becomes a fading memory.

Do not get him wrong, the two still hang out whenever they can. This varies between mornings when Eren works earlier or late nights when Farlan persuades him to play cards past curfew.

Three in the morning swims and meet-ups become nonexistent, as Roman’s presence at night is now more prominent. Even with the slightest movement during sleep, Roman snaps his eyes wide open and views Levi with an indescribable glare.

Whether this irritates Eren is unknowing. As far as Levi is concerned, the bright-eyed male acted like it had not happened. Though, what else would Levi have preferred? Would he have wanted Eren to fight for him righteously, telling Roman upfront that he _wanted_ Levi? Not exactly.

Eren acting like it was all a dream – a fantasy – was alright. He had a husband that he did not plan to divorce anytime soon. His actions were justified.

That night was not a mistake, nor did Levi harbor any guilt for it. It just happened.

Levi thinks of these things continuously, especially when he is around Eren. He wonders how both of them manage to move on so casually, as if they did not miss each other’s lips and bodies. He contemplates how Eren is able to stand by him without a care, not feeling the urge to take Levi and kiss him breathless.

The day of the barbeque, or more so, two nights before he leaves– Levi learns that they were not doing these things.

They are simply ticking time bombs, waiting for the right time and moment to take advantage of their boiling desires. Eren was not standing idly by. In fact, he was standing beside Roman, waiting for his moment where he could offer his love again.

Levi muses on if this is how Eren courts people who are taken. If so, it is an odd, and careless, technique.

“Come in, come in!”

Kuchel waves her hand warmly at some of her coworkers. She laughs and giggles when they compliment her sundress and hair. The sound of booming pop music fills their backyard, as water splashes and children run around aimlessly. Kuchel watches her coworker’s toddlers, one ten and the other nine, run over to the pool in excitement.

“I’m glad you could come!”

“Wow,” A coworker with dirty blonde hair says. “Your backyard is so beautiful!” Kuchel laughs again and leads her down the patio.

“Thank you! My good friend – Eren –“ She points to a noticeable caramel-skinned, cocoa-colored hair male standing at the barbeque pit. He wears a forest green apron around his naked torso and swim-shorts. Wiping his forehead from sweat, he continues flipping burgers and placing finished food into steaming metal containers. The women coo at him, enjoying the few of such a tall, fit man cooking. Kuchel shakes her head. “ – did it for me! He is a great worker, I swear. His card is on the table over there!” She points to where the food is set out. Like hyenas, the women flock over to it and some scatter to speak to the cooking man.

“I coulda swore most of them are married…” Kuchel mutters to herself. She strolls over to some cheap tables and chairs she had bought and sits down. Glancing over at her son, she watches him pick at his baked macaroni and cheese. “Is it good?”

“Yeah,” Levi responds. “_Really_ good, but I already ate two plates.” His mother belches out a laugh.

“I ate three! You need to grow some resistance, boy.” She crosses her legs and gives thanks to the umbrella Eren had bought last minute for the tables. It seemed like that boy had a second instinct. Fanning herself, Kuchel feels the lack of sun cooling her skin. “For not eating meat, that boy can cook his ass off. Those pork ribs were delicious.”

“He should have made some crawfish,” Levi mentions. This makes Kuchel turn her head like lightning and glare at him. “I’m not complaining! I’m just saying!”

“You kids are all the same. Complaining about food, cleaning, mon –“

“Misses Ackerman! Misses Ackerman!” Two children holding buckets of water stomp their chubby feet over to Kuchel. Kuchel looks down at the kids and glances at their buckets. “Do you have some water guns? Momma said you have some water guns!” The boy asks. Kuchel tuts her lips and crosses her arms.

“What if I do? I don’t even like you kids!” She jokingly says. She pinches the little girl’s cheeks delicately and smiles when she giggles. The boy jumps up and down while whining. Done with her teasing, Kuchel stands up and places her hands on her hips. “Fine, little brats! But the guns stay in the pool!” The two kids scream obnoxiously. It makes Levi want to plug his ears.

As if their backyard was not small enough, his mother, Farlan, Isabel, and even Roman invited friends to the barbeque. Levi could see Isabel playing with her girlfriends, and Farlan bumping music on the pool’s edge with his two best guy friends. Kuchel had plenty of associates, many with kids and husbands. They were gathered around the deck, taking sips of wine and sparkling water. They munched on salads until twenty minutes in – then they all gathered around Eren and complimented his food.

The bitches hadn’t even tasted it yet.

Scowling, Levi swallows the last noodle on his plate and finishes his cold water. He shuffles in the plastic seat and glances at Roman standing near the deck, chatting with work friends and enjoying a beer. The view makes him even angrier, because Levi does not have friends, and it is all because of his ass.

So, he sits at this crappy plastic table, annoyed with the children’s screams, annoyed with how high Isabel’s friends’ voices are, and annoyed with how old women seem to flock to Eren like he is in his thirties and _available_.

The sweet smell of blueberry hits his nose. Levi looks up and sees Farlan staring down at him, holding a blue-hued drink that awfully smells like Eren’s juice. “Have you tried the chicken wings yet?” He asks him. Levi watches Farlan take a sip and sit down in Kuchel’s leftover seat. “I’ve never tasted anything more delicious.”

“Great. Gonna have an orgasm now?”

“Maybe.” He pushes the drink toward Levi. “I really came to ask you if you could watch my drink? I don’t want no bugs to get in it, and Eren said this is his last batch!” Levi peers down at the drink annoyingly. “Come on, I want to go swim!” Farlan whispers his next thought. “Plus, Isabel’s friends are really good looking and I’m kinda trying to shoot my shot if you know what I –“

“Bye, Farlan!” Farlan laughs at his brother’s response and jumps up from the chair. He heads over to the pool and jumps in, not caring if he splashes anybody. He swims over to his friends who are already attempting to flirt with the women. By the look on Isabel’s face, she is not all that happy about the intrusion. Levi stifles a chuckle.

Twenty minutes past and the dark-haired man thinks about heading inside. He did not plan to get into the pool, especially with all the gross kids and nasty teenagers. He should probably head inside and go upstairs – watch a movie or something. It would look bad though, considering the barbeque is supposed to be for him. Sighing, Levi lays his cheek on his palm, closes his eyes, and listens to the pool’s water splash.

“Hey.” His eyes flutter open. He takes in Eren’s tall form over him, smelling like wood, charcoal, and spices. Eren smiles heartily and shuffles the bucket under his arm. “You look tired.”

“It’s hot,” Levi replies. He sits up from his slouched position and squints his eyes at Eren. He blocks the sun’s view, the rays of light refracting around him. “You done cooking?” _‘You’ve come to keep me company, at least?’_ Levi hopes for in his head.

“Nearly.” Eren places the bucket onto the plastic table and pushes it toward Levi. “I made this for you. Don’t let nobody know.” He jokes. Levi raises an eyebrow and looks into the bucket’s contents.

Crawfish. _Cajun_ Crawfish, if the spicy smell was not the best indicator. Levi grabs the bucket’s side and feels the heat radiating to his fingertips. The scent makes his mouth water, more than the macaroni, and the black-haired male wants to kiss Eren in joy.

“For me?”

“That’s what I said, didn’t I?” Eren points inside. “It has some smoked sausages, sweet yellow corn, red potatoes, and some lemons. Boiled it all together and put some Cajun spice in, just how you like.” Levi gazes at the delicious contents. Eren chuckles at his still form. “I didn’t have enough money for the entire party, but I had enough for you. I hope you like it.” His sincere words make his heart compress. Swallowing the lump in his throat, Levi relaxes in his seat.

“Thank you.” He finds the voice to say. “It looks amazing, Eren. I’ll probably eat the whole damn thing.”

“Is that a promise?” Before he can answer, Kuchel shouts his name across the backyard. She yelps when she flips a whole rib, and groans when barbeque splashes on her dress. Eren shakes his head and places his hands on his hips. “That damn woman, can’t do nothin’ without some help!” Levi watches Eren reprimand his mother like a child, telling her to move aside and that she needed to take some cooking lessons. The statement gets him a slap on the head and a shout, in which she only calms down when her coworkers tell her so.

Of course, they are still up Eren’s ass.

As he eats the crawfish, he is thankful to find Eren stashed some napkins under the bucket. He wipes his fingers after finishing the fourth one and munches on the corn. His mouth gets hot later, and he is too lazy to get up and get some water, so he settles for drinking Farlan’s drink. The blond could yell all he wanted later – but Levi was thirsty as hell.

It’s his first time trying Eren’s juice, and it tastes like the tropics. Mangoes, pineapple, honeydew, blueberries – the whole nine. Levi licks his lips and analyzes the taste. It is really sweet, almost too sweet, but it contrasts well with the spicy food. It would have to do. He enjoys the rest of his food, while downing the entire drink on the way, and finishes almost half of the bucket.

By the time the sky dims and the cicadas start singing, the backyard is clearing out of people. Isabel asks Kuchel if she can sleep over her friend’s house on a whim, in which Kuchel shockingly says yes with no complaints. Farlan already had plans to finish the night with the movies, so he had left an hour ago. With the backyard becoming more open, Kuchel starts wrapping up the leftover food and placing it in the fridge.

“Levi,” The said male looks up from throwing away some dirty plates in a trash bag. Roman gives him a drunken grin, cheeks flushed and vibe light. “I’m going out for drinks, alright? I’ll be home late.” He makes sure to grab Levi’s waist in a haste before kissing him roughly. Levi grimaces at the taste of sour beer on his lips. He doesn’t even get the chance to ask where, just in case he needed to drive and get him, as Roman heads out laughing with his work friends. The screen door closes, leaving Kuchel, Eren, and Levi to clean up the mess.

“You should go rest.” He hears Eren say to Kuchel. “You look pale. I can clean up the rest.”

“I’m fine. The heat just made me tired.”

“That’s why I said go rest.” Eren snatches a soda can from her hands and throws it in a trash bag. “You’re not twenty anymore. You can’t –“

“You callin’ me old?”

“We got it, Mom.” Levi interrupts. He walks up the deck and takes the bag out her hand. “For real. You look like Elmo. Go sleep.” Kuchel places her hands on her hips and murmurs an insult. Turning her nose, she stubbornly walks into the house and heads upstairs. Her lack of refusal shows the exhaustion was getting to her. Levi heads back out into the yard and cleans up as much as he can.

They clean in silence, which is oddly therapeutic. The soft sounds of their trash bags fill their ears, along with the still singing cicadas and their everlasting echoes. Levi picks up the last beer can from the ground and lets out a tired sigh. “I think that’s the last of it.” Eren finishes knotting his bag and drags it inside. “Are you heading home after this?” Levi blurts out when the screen door closes. Eren turns and peers at the shorter male.

“Uh, probably. Why?”

“No reason.” Levi watches Eren place the bags in the corner of the room. He likely planned on throwing them in the dumpster when he was ready to leave. Levi scratches his arm and leans against the kitchen table. “Those crawfish were really good. I saved some for tomorrow, too.” Eren hums a response. He sits down to rest at the kitchen table. Taking his apron off, he stretches his limbs and groans at the cracks.

“Thanks for cooking today. You helped my mom a lot.”

“No problem. It was nice.” He places his thick palm onto his shoulder and wiggles his arm. “I need to take a shower. I smell like shit.” He laughs. Levi situates himself in a chair and runs his hand through his greasy hair. He licks his lips and tastes the saltiness of his sweat. He needed one too. “How you feeling today?” The strange question makes goosebumps appear on his skin. Levi leans in his chair.

“Kind of…spiritual.” The rock around his neck becomes more noticeable – heavier, as well. “But you know, I’m not that religious.” He mentions. Eren slows his movements.

“Yeah,” He says. “Very true.”

“Do you want to take a shower?” Levi asks him. Eren raises an eyebrow.

“Can I? I don’t want to intrude.”

“Sure.” Levi stands up and begins walking toward the downstairs bathroom. “I’ll run the water for you.” His voice fades.

Eren sits there, contemplating his next actions. He squints his eyes and tries to break apart Levi’s works. Spiritual? What did he mean by that? The male moves in his chair and brings his hand to rub his chin. He hears the shower turning on, and the sound of Levi moving the curtains. Eren scratches his cheek and slowly stands from the chair. He wonders over to the bathroom. The door to it is open, shining a boxy light onto the corridor walls. He hears Levi shuffling items.

When he peeks inside, he finds the shorter male leaning against the sink with a unique look on his face.

“It’s ready.” He declares. Eren steps into the bathroom and gazes at Levi. With small reluctance, Levi reaches over and closes the bathroom door slowly. He locks it.

The gentle click solidifies everything for the bright-eyed male.

Ah, _that_ kind of spiritual_._

They do everything but cleaning in the shower. The body wash sits unused, and no matter how many times Eren tries to reach for it, Levi’s body pushes against his and envelopes his lips in a soul-sucking way. Eren nibbles on his bottom lip, granting pleasurable moans from the shorter, and places his hands on his waist. Levi digs his right hand into Eren’s scalp and pushes his head toward him. No matter what Eren does, Levi’s insatiable need overcomes it.

The water falls along their backs and face, making their kissing wetter. Eren situates them away from the spray and invades Levi’s mouth. The moment he opens his eyes, he notices a bright blue in his vision. “Your tongue is blue.” He murmurs against his lips. Levi scowls. “Somebody been drinkin’ my juice?”

“S’not juice.” Levi defends. “It’s Koolaid.”

“Same thing.” He opens his mouth and plays with Levi’s tongue. Levi moans at the feeling and closes his lips for a lasting smooch. “We should clean up, Levi.”

“Then clean me.”

He lathers the male up in fruity body wash and rejoices at the feeling on his skin. Levi closes his eyes the whole time, head tucked against his chest and enjoying the massage. When the time comes for Eren’s turn, the male focuses on his hardened shoulders and back. He makes sure to massage any kinks he found, and promised him that he’ll give him a massage once they get out. If they do so, that is.

By the time they are clean and smelling new, Levi had already captured his lips again. “Eren,” He whispers once they part. “I want you again.”

“In the shower? Not the safest place.”

“Anywhere.” He starts to nibble on his neck. Eren laughs.

“Don’t say that, now.” Eren tilts his neck to allow Levi more access. “How 'bout the kitchen table? That sound good to you?”

“Yeah.” Instinctively, Levi turns off the shower and opens the curtains. Eren stands there, slightly shocked, as Levi dries himself with a towel. “Let’s go.”

“W-Wait, Levi, I wasn’t serious. Hey! This is your Mom’s house!”

As expected, the kitchen table was not a good idea at all. It was far too public, and a place where Levi’s mom could walk in on them any second. So, with a horny mindset and a careless agenda, Levi leads them to his and Roman’s room. He locks the door and raises the window, just so he could hear any cars that would pull up on the driveway.

They have sex – the type Levi loves. The kind that feels like they are making love, though he is not sure if the right feelings are there for such a sacred thing.

They hide themselves in the warm comforter and moan in each other’s ears. Levi grinds himself against Eren’s hips, lowering his legs and shuttering at the feeling deep inside him. He leans forward over Eren’s chest and places his palms near his head. Moving his hips, he feels his sweating locks stick to his forehead and cover his face.

Eren digs his fingers into his waist and assists in bouncing him on his thick arousal. The sensation has Levi lowering even closer to Eren’s chest, unable to handle the fast pace without orgasming.

He muses with a sour thought that maybe he is a bit sensitive. They just started and he is already about to start shuddering. Shaking the thought from his head, Levi sits back up and maneuvers his legs so he can lather all of Eren’s cock in heat.

“Come on, babe, take it.“ Eren whispers sweet dirty talk into Levi’s ears once he places the other on his back. He keeps his legs spread with both on his palms, already knowing Levi’s characteristics. He hits new angles in this position and grins at the ability to make Levi muffle his shouts. The shorter male digs his head into the pillow next to him and almost _whines_ at the feeling of his dick massage his insides.

“ – you take it so well. You look beautiful like this.”

He wants to tell Eren to shut up, but he cannot deny that it turns him on.

“Eren, I’m ‘bout to –“ He feels the thrust becoming harder, making his breath hitch. “A-Ah, _fuck_!” He covers his mouth and tries to minimize anymore outburst. The action makes Eren snicker and remove his hand. He presses his mouth against his and swallows the moans. The bedframe squeaks over and over again, a sound that has Eren thrusting even faster.

Two orgasms later, Eren cums and releases on his sweaty stomach. The hot liquid travels down his navel and reminds Levi that he will need to change the sheets. Eren wipes him down with a wet, vanilla-scented rag from his bathroom and rests on the other side of the bed.

“So, you’re leaving in two more days.” The statement makes Levi’s head pop up from the embrace. He peers up to see Eren staring into space. The shorter male turns on his back and gazes at the ceiling.

“Yeah…” Levi responds. “…I am.” Suddenly, he feels a warm palm turn his cheek. Eren presses a soothing kiss against his lips and touches their foreheads. His abalone eyes, that look indescribable up-close, ease any anxiety growing in his chest.

“I’ll miss you.” He rubs his thumb against his cheek. “I can’t really offer any incentives, such as the mountains or the sea, to make you stay. Honestly, all I have is a beat-up truck.” Eren lays his head on his bicep. “Just know if I did, I’d be offering it right now.”

“What would happen if I did stay?” Levi questions him between minutes. Eren shrugs his shoulders, not offering any true answer, and pushes a strand of hair out of Levi’s face.

“I don’t know.” His baritone voice conveys. “It’s your world, I just live in it.”

_‘My world.’_

He reflects.

With the lasting few minutes they had together, unknowing if it would be the last or the second one to it, they held each other. Levi inhales his fresh scent and ignores the churn in his gut.

This will be the last time he is held like this, and the last time he receives kisses so sweet. It will be the last time he has sex with someone who makes his heart twist and mangle. It will be the last time he fingers those cocoa-colored locks, rubs his caramel skin, and looks into those hazy, sex-dazed eyes.

They lay in silence, not willing to address the issue with words, but trying to solve it with their naked bodies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the smut used to be much dirtier but then I tuned it down because I figured it wasn't the right time lmaoo


	7. Serpentine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What are you, a coward?"  
\- Loose, Daniel Caesar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: mind the tags

_serpentine _

_serves as a gentle reminder that your life _

_is what you **create** it to be._

Those halcyon days with Eren ended faster than they started.

Two days following their reconnection, and the starry-eyed male fails to show up at his mother’s house to work. Whether it be because he was done, or because he did not want to see Levi – it was partially unsure.

The household becomes mute. There are no more distinct shuffles of Farlan’s cards, nor his mother’s hearty laughter, or Isabel’s audible whines.

No one sat at that kitchen table for days.

The hour comes at night where Levi sits on his bedroom floor, packing away his clothing and listening to his husband hum in the shower. The raven pats his clothes delicately and closes the suitcase. He moves on to pack his husband’s items – who had not started at all. His arms have grown tired of folding and tucking, and his back is straining from bending down so much.

How many times have the cicadas sung to him during these times? How many times did he ignore it? Levi closes his eyes and listens to the drawling whine. A sweet melody and serene lullaby – and he had ignored the gift until today. He begins to stand up from the floor and wipes his pants off. He strolls over to the bathroom door and knocks.

“I’m going downstairs for something to drink,” Levi tells his husband. Roman replies colorlessly, a brief ‘alright’, and resumes his cleaning. The younger heads down into the kitchen and turns on the light. Instead of tea or coffee, he pours himself a cold cup of water.

He takes the suitcases and drags them downstairs. They bump and roll against the floor, causing more ruckus than needed. He situates them against the living room couch, near the front door, and heads back up for the rest. By the time eight o’clock rolls around, Levi has the majority of suitcases on the lower level. He wipes his hands in success and sits down on the couch.

Levi leans on his knees and glides his fingertips along his forehead. He is leaving tomorrow, early enough that it could be considered today. He will be gone from this house and back in Australia, likely forced to have kids and manage a tedious lifestyle. He palms his eye and wiggles his leg.

What is he doing? What the fuck is he doing?

_‘I can’t get out of this.’_ He convinces himself. _‘I asked for this life.’ _His gut churns.. _‘Almost nine years. I can’t leave now. Every relationship has problems. There is no reason to leave for some –‘ _Eren pops into his head. _‘ – fling.’_

But the guilt carves at him with a jagged knife. Not guilt for Roman, but guilt for Eren.

Two nights they had spent together. Two nights with a handful of minutes, yet rare hours. Nights spent in tender intimacy, where every second guided them closer. Sex upon dirty sex, and raw fucking, and sex that felt like they were in love. A type of affection that made Roman’s actions look inferior.

He questions how Eren feels about this. Though Eren showers him with smiles and love whenever they meet, Levi cannot seek out his true emotions in his eyes. It is like he breathes to satisfy Levi, and though it is admirable, it is also terribly annoying. It is as if he fears anger or frustration. Like he believes a beaming smile will mean everything is okay – even though it is not.

Their last moments together, Eren tells him he will miss him with that same smile. He offers him his beat-up truck for collateral to stay.

He tells Levi _– ‘it is your world; I just live in it.’_

To anyone else, it would seem like he did not care. But to Levi, it was an infuriating, desperate cover-up for his inner feelings. His real emotions scream insecurity and familiarity with abandonment. He might as well had said – _“I am not good enough to have you. Please, **leave**.”_

The potential that Eren thinks like this drives Levi up the wall. He prays to stars above, God if he exists, and the abalone shell around his neck – that if he had not been married, he would have fallen for Eren in an instant.

“I drained the pool.” Levi lifts his head up to see his mother standing before him. She releases her hair from a clip and wipes her hands on her blue jeans. “The damn leaves from the tree dirtied it up again.” Kuchel places her hands on her hips. “Looks like you’re up and ready to leave. You know you still got eight hours left?” She strolls over to the love seat near the couch and sits onto it. “Packing went well?”

“Yeah.” He replies. He leans back against the couch. “I don’t want to be late, is all.”

“Far and Izzy talk to you yet?”

“No.” His voice says solemnly.

“Don’t worry about those two, baby boy.” Kuchel comforts. She gifts him with a warm smile. “They’ll give you all hugs and kisses at the airport, just like last time.” Levi huffs at this and crosses his arms. “I was trying to invite Eren to see you off, since you two got so close. But it looks like he won’t make it. He is a great friend –“ His mother laughs. “ – I’m sure he’ll miss you plenty.”

Of course, Eren would not go.

“Don’t feel bad.” Kuchel consoles him. “I get the feeling he is always like that.”

“…What do you mean?” The son interjects after a few seconds. Kuchel raises an eyebrow and waves her hand.

“Eren’s weird, is all.” She shrugs her shoulders nonchalantly. “He's insecure, like some teenage girl. It gets irritating considering we all love him so much.” Kuchel scratches behind her ear as she becomes deep in thought. “He probably isn’t going ‘cause he doesn’t think he is all that special. I try to tell him he is – but he is a real downer.”

“Sounds familiar,” Levi mutters to himself. His mother squints her eyes at him and slaps him with her palm. Her son yelps and lifts his leg away from her clutches.

“Anyway,” His mother continues despite the frown on her face. “I try to tell him that it’s okay not to be special, you know? That you don’t have to live your life and expect to be the president, or a celebrity, or rich. But every time I say it, he gets more insecure. That boy drives me crazy!” She shakes her head dramatically. “And he is makin’ me even more mad ‘cause he hasn’t been over in two days! We stink now or something?”

“It’s your loud mouth.”

“Whatever.” Levi laughs and sees his mother grab the remote. She turns on the television to an irritating talk show involving screaming women and men. He lays his head against the couch and listens to the couple’s complaints. His mother laughs every once in a while, making Levi smile. They sit there watching television, painfully reminding Levi of his childhood.

His mother and father loved to watch shows like _Judge Judy_ or _Hot Bench_ or shows equivalent. They would spend hours upon hours analyzing the cases and obnoxiously calling out the actors. It was an activity Levi himself did not participate in, but happily watched.

He will miss these moments.

_“Yeah, Maury, because I caught this *beep* in the bedroom *beep* another *beep*!”_

_“Look at his forehead, Maury! Tell me that is not his kid! With those floppy *beep* ears!”_

_“The lie detector determined – that was a lie.”_

“Ha!” His mother shouts. “A fucking joke!” She claps her hands and places her arm on the couch’s edge. Levi closes his eyes and listens to the funny commentary. His thoughts run – and his mouth opens before he can think about it.

“I need to tell you something.”

Kuchel flashes her face to him. She bites her nails nonchalantly and cocks an eyebrow. Levi gazes at her lax form and wonders why the hell his lips decided to move. She continues with her curious look, often glancing back at the television and then refocusing on Levi. Her gray eyes are eager, and her mouth ruthlessly nibbles on her fingernails.

“Promise you won’t judge me.”

His mother takes her fingers out her mouth. She looks at him questionably.

“I can’t make promises like that, Levi. What is it?” The television is still booming with unsavory screaming. “You got a girl pregnant or something?” She chuckles to dilute the serious aura. Levi feigns a grin and digs dirt from under his own fingernails.

“Very funny.” He dolefully replies. His mother folds her leg over the other and waits for her son’s next words. “But it’s about Roman.”

“You guys are having kids.” If he would have been drinking water at that time, it would have jetted out his mouth and splattered on the television, floor, _and_ on the front door. Levi ceases in fidgeting and glares at his mom.

“What? No! I mean –“ He shrugs his shoulders. “- maybe?”

“Seriously!?” His mother slams her foot onto the ground in glee and leans up. “Oh, I’ve been waiting my whole life to be a grandma! When you get the surrogate, make sure you get our bloodline in there!” She waves her hand. “Roman’s great and all, but us Ackerman’s are naturally born with good looks! I’m still mad you changed your last name –“ Her eyes squint. “ – so you have to make it up to me.” 

The son wants to laugh at the sparkle in his mother’s eyes. She glides her fingers together and mumbles on about baby names. He doesn’t have the heart to tell her that Roman preferred adoption, and that likely, the kids’ last names were going to be ‘_Mallory’_ – not ‘_Ackerman_.’

As he stares, it breaks him apart slowly that he had already become adjusted to a life he did not ask for.

They are going to have three children, Roman demands. One will be named after his grandmother, and the other two will have random names. Levi did not even have the chance to ask him if they could name a boy after his father. He wanted to adopt between the ages five to seven so he did not have to deal with changing diapers. Levi listens to his husband’s requirements and feels dread after dread. Their future children sounded more like puppies than people.

Nevertheless, it will be his life in a few months.

“I had sex with Eren.” – a soft, apprehensive whisper floods the room.

Kuchel pauses. Oxygen gets sucked out the room, and she looks like a statue in Levi’s eyes. Her jubilant fingers that were counting female baby names fall, and the excitement on her face withers away.

“Two times,” Levi adds. “If you go by day.” If not, the times they had sex were endless. But if he had to guess, Levi had Eren’s hands on him at least four times each day. Levi rubs his nail and looks away from his mother’s face to watch the television show.

The yelling cuts through the tension, but when Levi looks at her again, it wraps around his neck with a vengeance. 

“What?” Kuchel sprouts. Her body movements have stopped, and all you can see is her eyebrows slowly contorting as she displays confusion. “You’re joking.”

“I’m not.” The reply is as fast as the wind. Kuchel recoils at the assurance. “The first time was when he finished the pool, and the second was two days ago.” Her jaw slacks open and then it closes. She shakes her head and lets out a bitter laugh.

“You can’t be serious. Levi _Ackerman_.” Her tight voice makes Levi’s breath hitch. “Tell me this is a joke.” He wishes for it to be faintly when he sees the angry glint in his mother’s eye. “I can’t believe this.” She shuffles in her seat.

“It’s the reason Eren doesn’t want to come –“

“Levi!” She stands up from the couch and points her finger at him. “Do not take this lightly. You had sex with someone else as a married man!? Do you understand what you just said to me?” Kuchel ignores the agitated state her son is in. “That is not something you do to a person you love!”

“Please, be quiet.” Levi runs shaking fingers over his face to hide his features. “He’ll hear you.”

“And? What, are you expecting this relationship to continue like nothing happened?” She lowers her voice, thankfully. Kuchel shakes her head in disbelief and walks back over to the love seat. “I can’t believe you, Levi. I’m so fucking –“ She pauses and swallows down words with tasteful regret. “ – Roman is a good guy and you do that to him. Now what? You’re going to divorce? What was the point of getting me so excited about kids then? Was that for shits and giggles then?”

“I’m gonna make up for it.” Levi blurts out. The conversation is going down roads he does not want it to. “We’re going to have kids, Mom, and I’ll try to fix it. I promise.” Thankfully, he hides the cracking in his voice by his palm. His muffled words do not soothe Kuchel’s conscious at all.

“Are you even going to _tell_ him?”

“Yes.” He replies. “Soon…when the time is right. It’ll be okay.”

_‘Everything is going to be okay.’_

He convinces himself in his head.

They’ll have children, and Roman may calm down soon. When Levi tells him, Roman won’t react as bad. He’ll play it off as he was drunk, and he thought Eren was Roman, and he didn’t understand what was happening, and they have kids so he can’t hurt him, and –

“God, I’m going fucking crazy.” Levi murmurs to himself. He digs his palm into his face and clenches his temples. Kuchel watches her son fall apart right in front of her. She wants to comfort him, pat his back and give him ‘mommy smooches’, but he needs to understand his wrongdoings.

Though it pains her to this day to see her son so vulnerable, she wants him to comprehend that he is destroying a life that had the potential to be _perfect_.

“And Eren,” She rubs salt into the bleeding wound. Her emotions are past disappointment. “I can’t imagine how he feels. You used him, Levi. And for what? _Sex_? Some dick? Are you kidding me?”

_‘It wasn’t just dick.’_ Levi defends himself. He wipes his eyes. Turning his head, Levi makes sure his mother cannot see his crimson irises. He luckily caught the small few tears that escaped. _‘It was something else.’_

“You act like I seduced him.” Levi snaps back. His mother scoffs.

“Eren would not have initiated anything with you. He knew you were married!”

“_He_ kissed me!” The shorter male jumps up from his leaning position and glares at Kuchel. “_He_ invited me back to his house to _fuck_, so get rid of that pure narrative you have of him. He understood what he was doing just as much as I did! Don’t try and paint me as some awful person!”

“I never said that!”

“You might as well have!” Levi gets so heated that his cheeks and ears turn red. He can feel the heat radiating from them. “You don’t think I get enough of that from him!?”

“From who?”

The statement comes from two sources: his mother, and Roman walking into the kitchen. The older man has a fluffy white towel over his midnight locks. He suckles on a cigarette and rubs the towel in his hair. Strolling into the living room, Roman places the cigarette between his fingers and lets the smoke glide out.

“What are you two talking about?” He questions.

“Roman, put that cigarette out or I’m gonna bring the hose out.” Kuchel warns. With a chuckle, the male ashes the cancer-stick with his fingers. The lack of fear and pain that registers when he does this always freaks Levi out, though his mother thought of it as oddly empowering. Roman throws the cigarette in a small trash can. Using that same hand, he pushes Levi’s silky hair behind his ear and smiles down at him.

“So, what are we talking about?” Roman repeats. Levi ignores the chill that wiggles up his spine. Kuchel opens her mouth to speak, but Levi beats her to it.

“Farlan.” Knowing his husband, he will not take Kuchel’s words serious even if they were the truth. He wanted to hear from Levi, and Levi only, and he made that very clear when he pushed his hair back gently. As if to warn him his affections could only go so far. “He has been ignoring me lately. I was talking to mom about it.”

“He is still mad about it? Damn.” Roman leans against the couch’s edge. “Well, remember what you said – he is just a kid, right? Said it when we had dinner a few months ago.” He crosses his arms and feigns thought. “The seafood place_. ‘Just don’t take them seriously,’ _you said.” He grins at Kuchel, who looks confused.

_‘If I find out you are lying to me,’ _Levi translates. _‘Remember what I can do.’_

“Yeah, kids will be kids.” Kuchel interrupts while standing up. She pulls up her jeans that were beginning to slide down and begins to walk past the television. “No matter how old they get. ‘Night.” She disappears into the kitchen, and soon Levi can hear her footsteps going upstairs.

Roman grabs his jaw and pulls his face toward him. “Thanks for bringing the suitcases down.” He says. Levi nods his head and takes his chin out his hands. He faintly listens to the television as he reflects on his mother’s words. Roman reaches into his back pocket and pulls out another cigarette.

“Go light it for me.” Levi glares at it.

“Why can’t you do it?”

“Because I want to see you do it.” With short reluctance, Levi grabs the cigarette and stands up from the couch. He heads over to the kitchen and turns on the gas. The azure flames burn the tip, setting it ablaze with a velvet burn. He hands the cancer-stick back to Roman.

“Put it in my mouth.” The male demands. Levi pauses.

“Why?”

“Because I said so.” He snaps. “Don’t ask me again. Do it.” His pale fingers place the cigarette in between his cracked lips. Roman bites down on the tobacco and breathes in the smoke. Levi turns off the fire and crosses his arms. His husband stands there, smug about the fact he did not have to lift a finger.

“Now give me a kiss.” He commands once he takes the cigarette out his mouth.

Levi does what he says with no hesitation.

_“Little Man!” _

_A younger, pure-looking Levi Ackerman pounces his head up from the flower bushes. He ceases from looking at a wasp devour a cerulean butterfly. His father, short and mighty as ever, waves from the back porch with two bags on his arms. _

_“I said, uh, Little Man!” The boy giggles with glee at the nickname and runs with small legs to his father._

_His dad gives him a toothy grin when he spots him in the backyard. “There yew are!” His tongue weighs heavy on the ‘are,’ showing a distinct dialect. His father leans down on the porch and holds out his left and right hand. “Naw, listen here. I got two bags from ya momma and nem for Hallaween, and one got candy, and the otha got fruit!” Levi nods his head cutely. His short, bob of hair flows in front of his face at the movement. “Pick a bag.”_

_“Me? I choose? Issa guessin’ game?” His high-pitched voice questions. His father nods his head and holds the clothed bags. One bag is a vibrant vermillion, and the other is a baby blue. Levi taps his chin. “Red! I wan the red one, Daddy!” With a big grin, his father hands it over._

_Levi opens the bag and deflates at the sight of apples, oranges, and pears. Groaning, he stomps his feet and pouts up at his father. “Ake!” His father dances goofily. “All candy for me!” Like a child, he runs into the house and ignores his wife’s screams that he needs to close the backdoor._

_“Daddy, no! I wan the candy!” Levi runs in with him. However, he stops dead on two feet when he sees his mother holding his father by the ear. Levi drops the bag and shuffles on his feet._

_“You pay for air conditioner!? You lettin’ all the air out with all this playing! In or out!” Kuchel snatches the bag from her husband. Reaching down, Kuchel grabs the bright blue bag and holds them both out to her son. “Now Levi, you got a choice. You can pick the blue one, or the red one. You can’t have both.” She gives him a sly wink. Ignoring the whine from his father, Levi giggles and wiggles his fingers together. _

_“I wan…” He taps his chin. “…Both!” Levi lets out a devilish laugh and snatches both bags from his mother. Shocked, Kuchel watches her son run back outside. His father rubs his ear and grins at the sight of his energetic son. _

_He probably taught him that, Kuchel thinks._

_“You little brat!” She yells at his fading form. “And what I tell you about going in and out!?” _

“It’s time to leave.” 

Navy-gray eyes flutter open.

Removing his hand from my forehead, Levi stares at the ceiling. The blanket is thrown over his fatigued form. The raven-haired male lifts his head and sees Roman’s blood eyes. The man snatches a cigarette from the nightstand on routine. Levi hears the flicker of a lighter.

“Get up.” He murmurs.

August 3rd. Three months later from when he got here in April. Levi pushes his body upward and lets the comforter fall off his naked chest. His husband heads into the bathroom in tight boxer briefs. Levi scratches his cheek. Time passed quickly.

As if to make matters worse, it is raining. Levi stands fixated at the darkly saturated sky. The gray hues make it a midnight morning. Levi buttons up his shirt and listens to the rain hammer against his window. “Don’t forget your phone.” He automatically reminds his husband once he steps out the washroom. Roman pats his pockets and finds his device laying on the neatly fixed bed. “I’m finished.” Says Levi.

“Let’s go then.”

The rental had been taken back a day prior, so the drive to the airport was by Kuchel. She plays soothing instrumental music and hums to herself. Isabel and Farlan sit in the back, cranky from being woken up so early, and saddened that they have to say goodbye to their older brother again, like every other year. Levi shuffles in his seat and stares out the window.

He has been dreaming about his father more and more lately.

It drives him insane when he wakes up and realizes that perfect life is no more. Sighing, Levi rests his head against the glass and listens to Isabel’s phone play some video. She laughs at it and becomes quiet again. Farlan and her rest in digested silence.

“I love you, baby boy.”

His mother whispers to him as she gives Levi her last hug. Her fingers dig into his back, and all the breath in his body comes out in a single blow. Levi returns the affection and inhales her scent. “No matter what happens.” He pulls back and views his mother’s reddened face. Kuchel wipes the tears from her undereye and rubs his shoulders.

“You’ve grown to be a handsome man. Take care of yourself, you hear?”

“Of course.” He mumbles. Her palm glides down his arm to his fingers. She gives one last squeeze before she lets go. Levi turns to his siblings and tries to give a grin. “I’ll call you both the minute I land. We’ll do one of those facetime things.” Isabel rolls her eyes and crosses her arms.

“You better.” She whispers. Her body instinctively gives him an embrace. Swallowing down her tears, Isabel lets him go. “Be safe.”

“And try not to bore yourself to death around that geezer,” Farlan interjects. Luckily, Roman stands a few feet away, and Farlan’s whispers are fairly low. “They all can’t be special like us.” He smiles. Levi scoffs and playfully pushes the blond’s shoulder. Giving him a brief hug, Levi disconnects with them all and takes a few steps back.

“I’m leaving now.” Kuchel’s breath hitches. Isabel closes her eyes. Farlan offers a grim smile. “See you.”

He drops the_ ‘next summer’_ that is normally attached with certainty.

The family does not notice. Levi pulls his suitcase and turns his form. His shoes make a painful click against the floor. Roman pushes his own luggage to the check-in line. They stand there, waiting for their turn, and the Ackerman’s do not make a move to exit.

Their luggage gets checked. Levi grabs his suitcase off the counter and tucks his phone, sunglasses, and other miscellaneous items back into his pocket. He tries to peek through the metal detectors, just to see if his family is still there. Roman’s hand lays on his shoulder and pushes him toward the walkway to their gate.

With one last glance, he fails to see them standing there. Levi’s eyes soften and he clenches the handle in his hands tightly. They’re gone. Roman starts to talk about how draining the flight is going to be. The only thing Levi can do is bob his head, listen, and wish he did not wake up from that dream this morning.

The damp rain makes the grass smell like his new hair conditioner. Knocking his head back against the couch, Eren licks his cracked lips and listens to the plastic sun shade scream. He hears the rain, but no thunder. The male chuckles and runs a hand down his face.

God, he is so fucking hungry. He could eat an entire cake right now, or maybe some pineapple pizza. Eren smirks and rubs his hazy eyes.

He’ll have to drain the pool. The leaves from the tree make it look like a jungle, and the rain water taints it’s pureness. Eren cracks his back and takes a deep breath. His mouth tastes like the musky herb he smoked, and no matter how many times he downs a cup of his juice, he cannot get the taste out.

No one is in the Ackerman household, so it feels just like his cold, lonely apartment back uptown. Eren lets his hand fall from the couch and touch the deck’s floor. His chest feels empty. Any thought that crosses his mind is pulled into a melancholic abyss.

It is a familiar feeling – a feeling he has become accustomed to.

That feeling of abandonment. Loneliness. Eren rubs at his chest. It is his own fault, really. He expected this outcome. He knew it would end up this way, but it did not stop the emotion from spreading. Soon enough, the whole Ackerman family would have his fill of him. After all, he is done with their porch. They have no use for him.

He meditates on if he were a stray dog in a previous life, wondering around the streets and munching on scraps. He crawls home to a dark alley at night and howls at the blood moon. His screams convey every crevice of sadness built within him. Then he wakes up the next working and continues the endless cycle.

Eren has no respect for himself, and he knows that. He would let himself be used to every drop if it meant it would help another person. Hell, he practically spent all his savings on decorating Kuchel’s backyard. He puts the cheapest price tags on himself, letting other clients use his abilities to shreds. Some pay him, some do not. Nevertheless, he leaves these random houses with a torn tool bag, blue juice, and a smile on his face.

It is the least he could do, living in such a cruel city.

He enjoys the company. He enjoys talking to people and making friends. He likes helping people – it’s in his nature. It did not matter if he got hurt in the process. It was his problem to deal with. If he could make this world less painful every day, person by person, he would be alright.

Levi Mallory-Ackerman.

Eren never thought he’d partake in an affair in the process.

But Levi had those slit, beautiful eyes that made his chest constrict, and a sweet voice that made his mouth water. His aura was filled with confidence, sensuality, and tranquility. He was the epitome of a gem in Eren’s eyes. He adored him, and if Levi only wanted sex from him, he could take it.

Eren knew it would tear him to pieces later, but it did not matter.

He would deal with it. He was not unaccustomed to sadness, nor grief. His parents died in Katrina – so he knew the emotions like the back of his hand. He was an orphan, so he knew what it felt like to be alone. He’s _Creole_, so he knows what it’s like to be different. These sentiments are not unusual to him.

Yet, the despair never gets easier.

Eren looks at the screen door when he hears the front door to the house close. Otherwise, he does not move an inch. He hears Isabel’s voice, as well as Farlan’s. It takes a few minutes before Kuchel opens the screen door. She turns her head toward him and grips her purse.

“Eren?” He moves his head to peer at her. “Why does it smell like burnt popcorn?”

He wants to laugh. “I burnt popcorn.” He replies. Kuchel scowls.

“You don’t like popcorn.” Eren chuckles.

“You’re right.” He replies. Turning on his side, he closes his eyes and hears the rain fall harder. Kuchel shuffles and crosses her arms. “I hate popcorn.”

“So why did you cook it? It stinks.”

“Ask those two.” He gestures the house. Surely, they would know why. They smoke so much that they practically shit out Mary Jane. Laughing, Eren confirms that Levi’s sour humor has rubbed off on him. Kuchel rubs her arm.

“I’m heading back upstairs to sleep.” She says. “Any reason you came over here so early in the morning?” Eren pauses in his thinking. He stares at the pool and licks his lips. “Eren?”

“I wanted to say goodbye.” He whispers. “But I already did.” Kuchel blinks. Cocking a hip, she turns her head away from him and gazes at the dreary sky.

“Go home, Eren.” She tells him. “Get some sleep.” Eren feels his heart deflate. She wants him to leave. Faintly, Eren hears the screen door close. He grips his thighs and wonders when the pain will cease. Day after day, night after night – and his emotions continue to wither away like approaching death. It’s like by the time he is well in his thirties, he will become an emotionless bastard. That, or a pothead who can’t keep his hands off some drugs. Eren questions which he prefers.

He just didn’t want to be alone.

_October 1st _

There is no shock factor when Roman hits him again.

After all, Levi has a smart mouth he refuses to dilute. It was in due time.

It happens the first week they return. Their home near the beach is beautiful, and Levi frequents it when he can. Otherwise, he sits on his laptop all day, sending emails and coding. Roman keeps telling him he needs to quit, but the younger refuses. He tells him he needs to look up some adoption centers, and Levi keeps putting it off.

As a last resort, Roman breaks his computer and slaps him in the face. It leaves a muddy bruise. Levi does not try to cover it. He never leaves the house anyway.

He is now jobless. Levi sits in their bed, watching television and trying not to think about how dreadful his life is becoming.

His love for Roman is there, but slowly, it becomes more of a burden than a blessing.

He calls his family as much as he can. Roman attempts to take the phone from him, but after explaining that his family will become suspicious, he leaves the idea alone. Instead, he tells the younger that he cannot make calls past five o’clock. And if he does, he will break the phone and make him give up all electronics.

They argue, and Levi ends up with a sore neck and throbbing ribs. He sleeps in the next day – too pained to move. Roman wakes him up for sex, and he lays there like a rag doll as his husband uses his body. Roman claims he enjoys having him so impaired and jokingly says they should _“do this more often.”_

The thought actually scares him.

He can feel the life draining from him.

There is a certain emptiness that begins to reside in his body after a month of it all. 

He sleeps until Roman comes home and cooks the food he buys. He hardly eats due to his excessive sleeping. It does not help that Levi’s recurring dream of his father keeps happening. It makes him want to stay rested for days, enjoying his father’s company.

Somedays, he contemplates if he offed himself, would he have the same sweet dreams?

The depression suffocates him. It claws at his sore throat demonically, gnawing into him at night and forcing him to experience a half-way death. It was as if spirits above were giving him signs, _telling_ him to sleep more, and if that felt good – maybe he should take it farther and never wake up.

His family calls get less frequent. He forgets to charge his phones most nights.

Roman hits him when he forgets to bathe. Clutches his neck so hard when he does not eat. He makes the smallest things result in stronger hits. Levi lets it all happen while sleeping off the memories. His yearn to fight back, his yearn to change – it all fades away in the span of two months. No matter how many times Roman chokes him, slaps him, kicks him, or anything else – it all feels the same.

The same pain runs through his veins. The same bruises and blood. The same love.

His life is ruined either way.

_What is the point?_

There is no out.

He has no choice in the matter. Roman has affiliations with an adoption center and plans to take a trip out to it soon. Levi stays tied to his bed, drowning in his dreams and accepting the life he was given. His mother calls him, and he declines. Farlan and Isabel call him, and he declines.

He has a dream Eren calls him, and he hesitates.

October 1st – Levi plans to keep his dreams infinite.

“Hello?”

_“Levi, baby boy, is that you_?” His mother’s voice sounds like an angel in his ear. Levi smiles and looks down at the bottle of pills.

“Yeah. How are you?”

_“Awful! You haven’t called in two weeks! Are you okay? You sound so tired; have you been sleeping?”_ She pauses. _“You better not be overworking again, Levi! I told you to stop all that!”_

“I’m not, I promise. Roman and I have been busy with adoption papers.” He comforts. “How is Izzy? Far?”

_“Alright, I guess. They are nicely caught up since they took those classes over the summer. Hopefully, they get into a good college.”_

“That’s great. I hope so too.” Levi leans on his elbow. “I’m sorry I haven’t called.”

_“It’s fine, baby boy. I’m just being a worrywart, as always.”_ She laughs. _“How is Roman?”_ They talk, and talk, and talk, until Levi hears the front door open. He clenches the phone and looks up. His husband stares down at him, eyebrows furrowed, as he lays his coat onto their marble kitchen counter. Levi waits for his mother to finish a story about how they saw a mouse in the basement and speaks.

“I have to go now, Mom.” He says. “I’ll call you later, okay? Tell Isabel and Farlan I said hey”

_“Alright then. Don’t forget! I love you!”_

“Love you, too.”

He drops the phone onto the glass kitchen table. Roman cracks his finger and leans against the counter.

“Your Mom?” He asks. Levi nods. The older male grabs a glass mug from the sink. Filling it with water, he places it onto the table. “You have a headache?” He gestures the pain pills cuddled between Levi’s elbows. Levi looks at the fresh drink.

“Thank you.” He mutters. “I love you.” Roman pauses in his movement. He is shocked, considering Levi hadn’t uttered those words in weeks. Nonetheless, it makes Roman smile. He shuffles on his feet and grabs his coat.

“I love you, too, baby. I see you got rid of that necklace.” He gestures his collarbone. Levi does not look at him.

“Yeah,” He drawls out. “I threw it in the ocean.” He says.

Yesterday, once he decided to commit this act, he returned the abalone shell to its rightful place. Now, Levi’s neck feels lighter, but heavier at the same time.

“I’m glad you’re happy.” Roman smirks. He runs his fingers down his nearly bony neck. Levi does not react to the touch.

“Very.” Roman replies. “I’m going to get undressed. Let’s take a shower together.” The taller male makes his way to their bedroom. Once Levi hears his footsteps fade away, he cracks open the plastic bottle. Powdery, round-shaped pills fill every crevice. With no hesitation, he pours half of the bottle into the glass of water. Levi pushes the nearly empty bottle away and grabs the glass.

He stares at the endless stack of pills dissolving in the water. Particles float to the stop and make the liquid ashy. Levi stirs it around and places the glass to his lip. He downs mostly water before he gets to the juicy contents. He feels several pills flow down his throat. His stomach starts to churn at the large amounts of liquid. Ignoring it, Levi swallows four more pills before the glass is slapped out of his hand.

It falls to the ground with a heavy crash. The glass shatters and splatters across the kitchen. Before he can react, Levi feels a thick fist against his cheek.

“What the _fuck_ –“ Steaming hot hands snatch his face and slap him again. “ – are you doing!?” Blood fills his mouth and his teeth are throbbing. Roman had once knocked his teeth out in the back before, so the rock he feels on his tongue is not uncommon. Levi spits out the chipped tooth and watches the blood pour down his chin to his shirt.

Roman seizes his hair and forces him to the ground. He digs his large, unclipped nails down his throat and accidentally cuts his inner cheek. His fingers wiggle around, and Levi gags before liquid travels back up his throat. Tainted water falls onto the floor, along with at most ten nearly dissolved pills, and Levi can see his pre-planned future fading away.

“Do I need to strap you onto your bed now, Levi!? Huh?” He grinds his teeth together and forces the male to look at him. “The fuck is _wrong_ with you!?” Roman pushes him onto the floor and backhands him again. The slap echoes throughout the mellow kitchen. Levi, dazed and disappointed, looks up at Roman. He props his body up on his elbow and blinks.

“I need to tell you something.” Levi groans out. He sits upward and cuddles his swelling cheeks. Roman cocks an eyebrow.

“You think you can speak right now? Shut the fuck up!” The older male wraps his hand around Levi’s throat.

“I cheated on you.”

Roman’s grip falters. It softens. Levi catches his breath and tries to inhale. All he can taste is blood.

“What?” He releases his neck and stands up. He towers over the sitting male. “Don’t fuck with me right now.”

“I was going to tell you before I took them but –“ Levi pauses. “ – you were being kind, so I didn’t.”

Roman’s reaction is…_different_.

He gains this frail look in his eyes, like a lost kitten, and his arms start to tremble. Levi licks his busted lip and spits out blood. His husband stands before him, looking calmer than he ever expected. Suddenly, Roman walks over to their bedroom without a sound. Levi sits on the ground, laying in his own vomit, and contemplates if he should finish the job. He got it off his chest. Levi fulfilled all the wishes he wanted to – so there was no reason to sit there and mourn.

Still, he looked at their bedroom door. Was Roman crying? Was he regretful? The thoughts light a fire within the younger male. What if Roman had a change of heart? What if this was all it took? What if their relationship was _salvageable_? Levi grabs his wrist that began reaching for the pills. Pulling it down to his side, he walks slowly down the corridor to glance into their bedroom.

His husband sits on the bed silently. He looks at the ivory wall. “Roman?” Levi murmurs out. His midnight locks cover his expression.

“Get out.”

“Are you –“

“Levi, I’m not going to repeat myself.” Roman breathes out a shaky sigh. “Let me think.”

“Are you breaking up with me?” His voice sounds like a little child. His husband pauses. Levi feels the air get chiller. Suddenly, Roman starts to laugh. He fingers his hair and rubs a hand down his face. Levi shuffles on his feet and watches Roman’s cheeks get rosier. His breath runs dry and he contains the rest of his laughter. Shaking his head, Roman looks at him with eyes that remind him of the devil.

“You’ll always be mine, Levi. No matter what.” He finally states. A frown takes hold. “I _told_ you that.”

Levi wishes, for once, Roman would hate him.

Levi stares at him for what seems like an infinite amount of time. His husband runs him a bath, washes his body, and patches up his bruises. He dresses him silky clothes and lotions his body up. Levi falls limp in his arms. The sweat from Roman’s hands heat and numb his skin like morphine. Levi’s eyes flutter closed when Roman places him in bed to sleep, whispering that he loves him dearly.

He cannot get away from him, even in death.

This man will keep Levi as a treasure as long as he lives.

Levi swallows spit that tastes of iron. He watches Roman lay beside him and fall in content slumber.

Levi leaves during the night with no clothes, no luggage, and no phone.

He holds his debit card and identification in his hand as he pays for a taxi to the airport. He watches their home get farther and farther away. The driver asks him friendly questions, but Levi does not miss the way he lingers on his bruises endlessly.

October 1st – Levi makes the choice to leave. It was nothing he had planned, nor did he really want to.

He just could not stand the emptiness any longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all for the wonderful reviews and kudos. i almost mass uploaded yesterday just because I was feeling the love <3.  
next chapter comes out tomorrow guys, i'll see you there :)


	8. Rhyolite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It looks ugly, but it's clean  
Oh Mama, don't fuss over me."  
\- Cherry Wine, Hozier

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some comic relief (not really): yesterday I had terrible munchies and ate ice cream, two cupcakes, barbeque wings, cheese fries, and a meatball sandwich. it also took me three minutes to get out of bed because i kept falling. now i'm doing a water detox. *sigh*

_rhyolite _

_helps foster acceptance and emotional release_

_with rhyolite, everything is going be **alright**._

“Sir?”

The airplane's engines vibrate his eardrums. The nauseating feeling in his stomach does not cease, and the vibration does not make it better. Rubbing his head against the plane’s windows, Levi swallows down a sigh and ignores the thumping pain on his face.

“Excuse me?” Noticing a voice speaking near him, Levi turns his head slightly and sees a flight attendant gazing at him. “Are you alright, sir? Do you need an ambulance?” Her mountain-shaped eyebrows show an overwhelming amount of concern. Levi shakes his head.

“No, I’m fine. Thank you.” She bites her lip and glances at the other passengers. Most are playing on their phones and waiting for lift-off. Thankfully, the plane had first-class seats available, so Levi did not have to deal with an obnoxious person asking him about his wounds. But of course, he forgot all about the flight attendants.

“Well –“ Levi interjects. “ – I could use some ice.” He says, just to make her feel like she is helping.

The woman smiles happily and nods.

“I’ll get right to it, sir!”

She shimmies her way through the walkway. Levi shakes his head and sighs. Booking a last-minute flight was a tricky ordeal, but he luckily squeezed his way into a flight that was leaving in thirty minutes. It was the fastest run of his life, but Levi did not have time to wait two hours for an open spot. There was a reason he saved money – and it was for these emergency situations. If he had to bribe a thousand dollars to get the fuck out, he would.

“Here you go.” The woman hands him a cup of ice. Her hands fold near her waist after. “Anything else?”

“Um.” Levi pauses. “Could I order some food? I know you guys technically don’t serve until some hours in, but…“ He trails off.

“We don’t have anything prepared yet. The plane still hasn’t taken off.” She smiles. “But once it gets in the air, I’ll be sure to have your plate made first. Any suggestions?” Levi scratches his lip and asks for a sandwich. The woman nods and tells him she’ll have it out as soon as possible. Levi lays comfortably on his seats and wonders if he could give flight attendants tips.

When the airplane takes off, Levi feels a unique type of release. His ears pop, and his head is throbbing, and his face hurts – but god if he does not feel like this is okay. He is suspended in the air, miles away from Roman, and it brings him soft relief.

He knows Roman will come after him. He knows he will see him again.

But the sensation of freedom never felt so sweet.

“Turkey sandwich.” The flight attendant hands him a covered-up plate so other passengers would not see. “With barbeque chips. I threw in the chips, but the sandwich was made by the chefs.” Levi grabs the plate and thanks her. She nods her head and continues down the aisle. Levi tears open the plate and looks at the food.

His appetite is nonexistent, but he knows his body needs it. He takes a huge bite and shrugs at the flavor. Three bites in and he already feels like a blimp. Levi rubs his stomach and places the barely eaten sandwich on the plate. Luckily, Levi had only stopped eating regularly a month ago, so his weight had not gone down drastically. However, there are still distinct differences, such as his skinny jeans fitting looser and his collarbone showing easier.

He munches on two chips before wrapping the meal up and deciding he will finish the rest later.

“Do you need some more ice?” The flight attendant asks him on her third round down the plane. Levi raises an eyebrow and stares at the cup of ice he did not use. It has become liquid water, at that point.

“Uh,” He pauses. “Sure.” The throbbing in his face feels like fire. She nods and heads to the back. Levi rubs his cheek and wonders how he looks. He did not get a chance to look in the mirror. As far as he is concerned, his cheek feels like fire, his tongue is swollen, and his busted lip hurts every second he moves his mouth. Sighing, Levi lays his head back on the window.

He is spending all this money - for what? Roman will come back for him. Levi fleeing back home to New Orleans will do him no good. Maybe he should get a hotel instead of going back to his mother’s house. Then again, if Roman does come to search for him, he will automatically ask Kuchel where Levi is. That would cause a huge uproar.

But isn’t the same uproar going to happen if he walks into that house looking like a beat-up dog?

Levi made a decision. A stupid one, he understands. He spends the next eighteen hours mourning over it.

“Thank you for flying with us.”

The pilot and flight attendants say to Levi once he exits. The man ignores them and continues out the plane. He sticks out like a sore thumb with no luggage and a bruised face. Levi fluffs his hair so it hides his face and ignores the stares directed toward him.

“E-Excuse me! Sir!”

Jumping, Levi jerks away from a sudden hand grabbing his shoulder. He turns around and sees the same flight attendant gazing at me. His palpating heart calms and he unclenches his fist. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“What do you want?” The flight is over, isn’t it? Why is she still hounding him? She chuckles awkwardly and holds out her hand. In it is a cinnamon cookie decorated in turquoise plastic. She smiles.

“I forgot to give this to you on the flight. It was supposed to be a pre-treat before the main meal. Urm –“ She pauses. “ – every passenger gets one. It’s our airline's policy.” Levi looks at her like she is crazy. He grabs the treat and glares at it. The flight attendant sighs. “Okay, look, this is weird – but I wrote my number on the plastic.”

_‘Oh.’_ Levi realizes. _‘That’s what she wants._’ “Listen, sorry to say, but I’m not that interested in girls. And I’m married.” He gestures the diamond ring on his ring finger. The flight attendant cocks an eyebrow.

“Really? Is that why you’re in New Orleans –“ She points to her cheek. “ – with no luggage and bruises on your face.” Levi ceases speaking. It takes him a moment to understand he referred to Roman as his husband again.

Was he suppose to stop? He ponders over this thought so much that he does not realize the attendant waving her hand at him.

“Never mind that. I have a boyfriend. I just thought you could use…a friend.”

“I don’t need your pity.” He instantly replies. She grins.

“Is it so bad, though?” She shrugs her shoulders. “People make it seem like such a bad thing. There is nothing wrong with having compassion.” She fixes her strawberry-blonde hair by pushing a lock behind her ear. After, she holds out her delicate hand.

“My name is Petra. Nice to meet you.”

“I don’t shake hands with strangers.” He pursues. She puckers a lip.

“Are you always so stubborn? I’m trying to be nice!”

“Don’t you have a plane to walk around on?”

“Just take the damn number.” She pushes his hand toward his chest. “I frequent New Orleans a lot. Call me if you want to have a drink or something.” Levi snatches the treat and tucks it in his pocket. He’ll have to remind himself to get a new phone, or if Roman comes after him, start back using his old one more frequently. Levi lets go of the treat and feels a tingly feeling in his chest when Petra smiles at him.

“Good! I’ll be going now, then –“

“Levi.” He mutters. “My name is Levi.” She smiles wider, and Levi can feel that numb part of him wither again.

Perhaps, they could be good friends.

_“Old woman, old woman, oh you treat me so mean! You’re the meanest old woman that I’ve ever seen! I guess if you say so, I’ll have to pack my things and go!”_ The shuttle driver taps his thick fingers on the steering wheel. He hums along to the song happily, enjoying his profession to it’s fullest. He spins the wheel widely and opens the shuttle doors. A person with one luggage comes on the shuttle and sits down across from Levi. “_Hit the road Jack and don’t cha come back no more, no more, no more, no mor-“_

“Ay, man.” A passenger laying their head on a pole groans out. He wipes his eyes that show the sufferings of jet lag. “Can you turn tha’ shit off?” He asks.

The shuttle driver lets out a yelp in surprises and turns the music down. Levi opens his eyes and adjusts his seated position. With crossed arms, crossed legs, and a mean mug – the shorter male likely looked like death itself.

Yeah, he was feeling the fatigue too, but there was no reason to be a jackass. The driver’s energy was refreshing to Levi. It elevated his mood.

“He can play the music all he fucking wants.” Levi blurts out. The male glares over at him, but instantly looks away when Levi fixes a deadly stare on him. “It’s his shuttle.”

“Aw, it’s alright, little man.” The driver laughs to ease the tension. He changes the station on his makeshift radio. “I’ll play somethin’ a lil softer.” A soft violin cuts through the small vehicle. Sighing, Levi closes his eyes and ignores the male’s grumble. If the stranger did not say it with clarity, then he had nothing to say at all.

_“Georgia…Georgia…the whole day through.”_

Levi lets the music massage his mind. The aura, the energy surrounding the tunes remind him awfully of Eren – a male who could not get through one day without listening to 60’s jazz. Levi hides the smile on his face by tilting his chin down.

_“Just an old, sweet song keeps Georgia on my mind.”_

The male he argued with gets off the shuttle at the next stop. He gives Levi one last glare before taking his luggage and leaving. Other passengers on the bus watch the subtle interaction. However, the shorter male hardly noticed. He was far too invested in the song.

“This the farthest I go, little man.”

Fifteen minutes later and four songs deep into blues, the shuttle driver parks the bus and points to the bus stop a block away. “That should take you where you tryna go.” Levi gets up off the seat and nods.

_“I got a woman, way over town – that’s good to me!_

_Oh, she’s my baby! Oh, don’t you understand?_

_Yeah, and I’m her lover man!” _

“Thanks for the ride. Here –“ Levi hands the shuttle driver his last piece of cash. It is a nicely folded hundred-dollar bill, something he had snatched from Roman’s wallet before he left. The shuttle driver’s eyes widen when Levi throws the money in his lap.

“I enjoyed your music a lot. It helped me think. Could you tell me who it was?” He stands before the man.

“U-Uh, yeah! It was Ray Charles, but boy, are you sure ya’ wanna –“

“Thank you.” Levi steps off the shuttle. As he makes his way down the sidewalk, he tries to keep the melody in mind. He faintly thinks about showing Eren the artist and asking he knew of him. But if Eren is Eren – he’d know every jazz/R&B artist in the book. He grins at the memory.

The bus ride to his mother’s house is less entertaining. Passengers sat staring at their phones, often glancing up at Levi to scrutinize his bruises.

Every now and then, a sweet elderly woman would ask him if he was doing well. Levi would nod, thank them, and continue his half-slumber. It took around five women asking him before Levi finally leaned over and hid his face. Though it hurt his stomach to crunch (he was still bruised from a beating days prior), it was better than feeling self-conscious about his damaged face.

He saunters up to Kuchel’s home. The backyard pool is drained, but the patio had gained a few new accessories. Daffodils and orchids are settled along the gate’s walls. Though unsure, Levi can see a section of their backyard completely demolished. He figures it is Eren’s doing – if he is still around. Yet, the short male is clueless about what Eren could be creating this time.

Levi braces himself as he raises his hand. He licks his lips and pauses for a second. He knocks softly. A dog would have never heard it.

He ceases and lays his fist to his side. Backing away from the door, he contemplates if he should have gotten a hotel first. It would have been more money wasted, but at least he could have thought what he was going to say. Levi could have thought of a plan, a whole ordeal, perhaps an excuse as to why he was back home.

Instead, he went into this recklessly. He is thousands of dollars short with a severe headache and terrible jet lag. Hell, he does not even _know_ if his family is home. Farlan and Isabel are seniors in high school, studying for exams and applying for colleges. His mother works a part-time job and loves to shop and go out for secret mani-pedis. He would be lucky to catch them all home in the evening.

He takes a step back, and the door opens painfully wide.

“Sorry, I –“ Their eyes attach to each other.

Levi’s breath hitches. His heart pummels against his chest, and his throat constricts. He clenches the fabric of his jeans. Yet, no matter how much movement Levi initiates, their eyes do not disconnect.

“Levi…” His voice whispers. Said male lets out a shaky breath and mingles his feet. “Why –“

“Can I come in?” Levi asks. The man at the front door tightens his hand around the doorknob and opens the door wider. Levi steps inside and senses the familiar smell of sugary blueberries. The house looks the same. The same pictures are on the wall, and the same television is playing the same awful shows.

“Everything looks the same.” He whispers to himself. “That’s nice.”

“Why…” The door closes with a click. Levi faces away from him and looks down at the floor. “I’m confused…I wasn’t aware you were coming back?”

“He doesn’t know I’m here.” His cocoa-colored hair sways when he turns around. Levi continues. “I’d rather not talk about it.”

“Did he…” The man pauses. Levi peers over his shoulder and watches his fist curl up. His caramel hand, knuckles holding several moles and scratches, develops a veiny appearance. Levi looks away and focuses on the ivory wall in front of him. “…do that to you? I –“ The fist relaxes. “ – I don’t understand? Can you talk to me?”

“He did.” Levi blurts out. The bright-eyed male should understand Levi does not dance around the truth. Either he says it or not. There is no middle ground. Frankly, there is no room for one – he is standing there, face bruised and left eye swelling up. There are no excuses he could offer. “But that’s not why I’m here.”

He looks at him indefinitely. Levi turns back around and faces him. His coffee-toned hair is messily placed into a bun, like usual, with strands hanging over his face. His vibrant green-blue eyes look upon his body vacantly. He has on basketball shorts and a college t-shirt, showing he was wakened up from a nap. Levi ceases his staring.

“I need to be home for a while.” He continues. “Being there made me do some…stupid things.” His suicide-attempt flashes through his mind.

As Levi reflected on it, it was truly a dumb choice. He has his mother, his siblings, who love him to death. He has a husband who honestly could not _live_ without Levi. How would they all react to finding him dead – all because he was depressed? He’d been depressed before, and it had never gone that far.

All those hours on the bus had him thinking. Levi assumes if he and Roman take a break, things will calm. They needed time away. So, he inherently decided he would call Roman when he got home and tell him he went back to New Orleans. Levi will tell him he needs a month, maybe two, away from the elder. If Roman understood, they would still be married. If he didn’t…

He did not know _what_ yet.

“So, what –“ His voice pops Levi out his reverie. “ – you’re gonna take a break, do a lil’ recharge, and go back?” He scoffs. “You must be fucking crazy.”

“Excuse me?” Levi interjects with a raised eyebrow.

“You really think you’re gonna come back here, lookin’ like you just got _jumped_, and tell me you and him are goin’ to take a ‘_break’_? Are you dense?” The male walks up to him. Levi can smell the mint on his breath. “You aren’t going back to him at _all_. I promise you that.”

“Who the fuck do you think you are?” The shorter male backs away from him, looking his body up and down. “He’s my husband.”

“ – who _beats_ you.” The words pierce him. “Do you hear yourself? How long have you two been together? _Eight_ years?” Levi feels his mouth open, but no words come out. “I understand that this may be hard to grasp, Levi, but I’m not the type of person who is going to sugarcoat anything. I’m not here to hug you, or hold you, or give you advice if you are going right back! I can be self-less a lot, but –“ He shakes his head. “ – I refuse to see you suffer.”

“I’m not suffering.”

“So, the bruise is just a kiss on the cheek then?”

“…you are such a fucking _asshole_ –“

“And you’re a fuckin’ idiot!” Levi’s eyes widen at his raised voice. “You mean to tell me this whole time you’ve been getting hit, Levi? That bruise on your face - and the redness on your neck – it was like _that_? And you walked around this house like you weren’t hurt? Do you know how that –“ He pauses and swallows. “ – do you understand how fucked up that is?”

“…this isn’t even any of your business, Eren.”

Levi gives up. The weight of Eren’s words hold him down. He sits down on the couch, looking between his knees at the floor. Eren’s heated form sways.

“You made it my business when you told me.” He runs a hand up to his forehead. “I’m going to get some bandages.” Eren exits the room. Levi feels his eyelids throbbing and twitching. Rubbing them, he ignores the wet residue left on his palm. He does not even know how to process what Eren said to him. But really, what did he expect?

Did he expect Eren to embrace him lovingly and murmur sweet reassurances in his ear? Did he expect him to take Levi to bed, have sex, and make him _feel_ something?

He certainly did not anticipate the man ruthlessly yelling at him. Eren always had a calm aura about him, so any energy outside that realm was nonexistent to Levi. He now knows that was a stupid assumption. Of course, Eren would get angry – just like his mother and siblings will.

_“And Eren, I can’t imagine how he feels. You **used** him, Levi.”_

If Eren had been sympathetic, Levi would have used him all over again. Just like his mother said. He would have kissed him, embraced him, and left him for Roman in a few months again. Levi lets out a pained laugh and sways his head.

He really is a horrible person.

“This’ll hurt.”

Eren dabs a clean, damp washrag against his swollen cheeks. A sting vibrates through his face, but Levi ignores it and tilts his chin higher. The scent of alcohol makes his nose sensitive. He tries not to sneeze. After cleansing the wound, Eren gently lays a bandage across his cheekbone. He starts to fix open cuts on his lip next.

“I’m sorry.” Levi opens his eyes.

“Hmm?” He hums.

“About yelling. Uh, sometimes I don’t think before I speak.” Eren reaches down and applies more alcohol to the rag. “I should have been calmer. You’re going through a lot. I’m sorry.” His voice sounds like a guilty child. Levi blinks and watches him heal his wounds.

“It’s fine.” He whispers when Eren retreats from his lips. “I do it all the time.” The clutter of bottles and bandages fill the silence they make. Eren rips open a small Band-Aid and lays it near his mouth.

“You need to ice this.” He gestures Levi’s cheeks. “It’ll get worse by tomorrow if you don’t.” Before Levi can speak, Eren strolls into the kitchen and brings out some frozen food. He hands Levi a bag of frozen pineapple chunks. “Here. These smell good when thawed.” Levi places the bag against his face and shivers at the coldness. Eren situates himself next to Levi and places his hands on his knees.

“I noticed your necklace is gone.”

He mentions. “What happened?” Levi pauses and tries to remember what he had done with it. The last few days had gone by so fast, he hardly remembers when he last used the bathroom.

“I threw it away.” Says Levi. “It became a hassle.” Not a complete lie. Since he had planned to off himself, the abalone was no use to him. It was dead weight around his neck. Eren nods and begins to dig into his pocket. Levi analyzes his movements.

He pulls out a silver necklace with a dangling rock. It was about the size of a quarter, compared to his previous abalone shell that fit Levi’s entire palm.

“This was my mother’s,” He lays the necklace out on his hand and shows Levi the centerpiece. “She was a geologist. Practically traveled to every country. She used to teach me about mineralogy and petrology all the time.” Eren smiles, a look Levi misses dearly. “It’s why when I first met you, all I could notice was that big ass boulder around your neck. ‘Cause I knew what it was.”

“Abalone.”

He holds up a fragmented piece of the shell, properly polished and sized. Levi notices the similarities. The pearly, holographic shine. The way it shimmered in every direction. Eren gazes at it between his thick fingers.

“My father was a jeweler, ironically. Whatever rocks my mom found, he made into rings, necklaces, bracelets – the whole nine.” The shell’s vibrant colors catch Levi’s eye. “She has dozens of these necklaces. I honestly have too many to keep.” He holds the necklace out and heads for Levi’s neck.

“Here. For you.”

He can feel Eren’s body heat radiate as he wraps the necklace around him. Levi breathes against his chin and inhales Eren’s scent. The shell falls against his chest and feels lighter than air.

“Have you ever heard -” Levi begins when he hears Eren clicking the ends together. “- of Ray Charles?” Eren drags his fingers along the silver chain until he meets the centerpiece. Levi feels a pull.

“_Just an old, sweet song keeps Georgia on my mind_ ~” Eren sings after Levi mentions the name. Levi grins and chuckles. The bright-eyed male leans against the couch and looks into Levi’s navy eyes. “’Course I do. Ever heard of Louis Armstrong_? Heaven, I’m in heaven – and my heart beats so that I can hardly speak _~” Eren deepens his voice and jokingly sings the song. “You should, he’s from where you’re sittin’.”

“He _does_ sound like that.” Levi shakes his head at Eren’s foolishness. “You’re pretty good at that.”

“Really?” Eren rubs his chin. _“When we’re out together dancin’, cheek to cheek ~_”

“Alright, no, stop.”

Their serene laughter echoes the empty household.

The two catch up with each other – in which Levi learns Eren had moved in with Kuchel temporality. After Levi left, Kuchel found out Eren had been low on funds and could not pay his rent. She offered him her guest room, where Levi and Roman previously stayed until he could raise his money up again.

Levi tries to hide his satisfaction at the confession. If true, it meant Eren would be around more, and maybe things would get better for him. Mentally, of course. He will be around his family, back in his hometown New Orleans, where he truly feels at peace. Levi smiles and rests his head against the couch cushions. He hears Eren’s voice drifting in and out, and soon enough, he falls into a tranquil slumber.

There is a sound of keys jingling. Levi lets out a sigh and opens his eyes. He is faced with the couch’s cushion pressed against his face and a cotton blanket over his entire form. Levi stretches his legs and closes his eyes once again. The sound was probably his mother coming home. He will talk to her after a nice _ten_-hour nap.

“Eren’s lazy ass is snoozin’ on our couch again.” Farlan’s voice fills the living room. Levi’s eyebrow twitches at the loudness. He could not be quiet if his life depended on it. He hears his mother’s mouth tut.

“Swear, give that boy a nice bed and he still raids my living room. Don’t he know I watch television here?” A jingle indicates Kuchel placing her keys on the nightstand. “Izzy, make sure you put the leftovers up.”

“Can I have your pasta tomorrow?” Isabel stubbornly asks with a whine. Kuchel gives an obnoxious _‘huh.’_ Levi can practically imagine her stance – arms crossed and eyebrow raised high.

“Hell no! I’m havin’ that for breakfast!”

“That is not good for your diet.” Farlan whispers. “Do you know many carbs is in pasta?”

“Farlan, shut up. You had greasy fried pork smothered in gravy. That’s worse.”

“Touché.”

“Alright now –“ A slam echoes the living room. “- Eren, get your ass up. I wanna watch _Sex in the City_ and you’re in my way –“

“_Kuchel_ –“

Kuchel stills in reaching for the couch’s blanket, which covers up the individual’s body from head to toe – minus a small head of hair. She gapes at Eren’s form exiting the kitchen. He holds a steaming cup of tea. She straightens her posture and points to the person on the couch.

“Who the hell is this?”

Isabel makes squeaky noise with the plastic container in her hand. This sparks Farlan out of his daze, and he pushes his sister into the kitchen. “Bringing home girls was not a good idea, idiot.” Farlan whispers to Eren. He gives a hefty pat on his back, not recognizing the grave look on Eren’s face, and walks to the fridge. The two make room for the leftover food.

Eren thumbs the hot tea in his hands. He places it onto the nightstand and ignores Kuchel’s angry body language. She crosses her arms. “I gave you permission to stay here. Not to bring home strangers, boy. Do you have no respect?”

“It’s Levi.” He utters. Kuchel cocks an eyebrow and lets her jaw drop. Eren continues. “He’s…back. Came back hours ago.”

“Wh-“ She recoils her head in confusion. “Where’s Roman? What’s happening? Did something happen to their house?”

“It’s not my place to say.” Eren instantly answers. “Just wait until he wakes up.”

“Eren, I am not going to play these games with you. This is my son you’re talking about.”

“I understand that.”

“So, open your fat mouth!” Kuchel stomps over to him. She clenches her fist. “He is supposed to be in _Australia_. Working, living near the beach. There is no reason for him to be here unless something bad happened – especially if Roman isn’t around!”

“Ya know, you should _really_ stop speaking so lightly of him.” A low, unnerving mumble from Eren is enough Levi needs to hear.

The man of the hour lifts his body upward and opens his throbbing eyes. It causes silence to hoover around the room. Levi lets the thick blanket fall down from his form. He stares at the couch’s side cushion, wondering when he will find the guts to turn around and show his mother his face.

“Levi, baby boy?” His heart hammers against his chest. Levi licks his chapped lips and pushes his hair out his face. “Are you awake?”

“Yeah…” He murmurs. The shorter male situates himself onto his bottom and faces in front of him. If his mother walked even four steps to the side, she would see _everything_. Levi grabs tightly at the cotton covers. “Can my Mom and I talk?” He did not even have to look, nor gesture, for Eren to get the picture.

Eren nods. “I made you some tea. Try and drink it before you go to sleep again.” Eren peers over at Kuchel. “I’m gonna take Isabel and Farlan out on the patio.” He leaves the living room and runs into the two siblings talking about senior projects and whatnot. With no reluctance, he tells them to head outside.

“Okay, now I’m nervous.” Kuchel cuts the silence. She tries to laugh it off before shuffling on her feet. “Did someone die?” She slowly walks around the living room couch and in front of the television. Having enough of the awkward tension, Levi flips his feet over the couch and peers up at his mother’s eyes.

Her gray irises, usually holding an unfathomable amount of motherly love, contorts into something ambiguous. Whether he could see anger, surprise, or guilt – he was unsure. But Levi knew if he was in her position, he would not know what to do either. What do you say when your child comes back home looking like this? Beaten and bruised. There were no excuses like he got into a fight, or he fell down the stairs. He is twenty-five. What else could he say?

“What the fuck happened?” Her voice speaks her mind. She drops her purse onto the ground and bends down onto her knees. She stares up at him and sees his wounds up close. “Jesus Christ, Levi, what _happened_?” She touches his bandaged cheek. He flinches. “These are fresh. It takes eighteen hours for you to get here from Australia. I need you to talk to me, baby boy.”

_I do not sugarcoat things_, Levi says. _I am blunt_, he proudly announces. Either he says it how it is or not.

Levi finds that foolish now that he sits here, avoiding his mother’s eyes and attempting to find a middle ground. But then you have Eren outside, someone who would not let Levi get away with another lie. He had already told Eren the truth. So why was it so hard to look his mother in the eyes and tell her that her own son – the delinquent in high school, someone who took nobody else’s shit – was getting _battered_ on.

How does he tell her that?

“Um,” His shaky voice noticeable instantly. Kuchel rubs her hand on his shoulder. “C - “ He breathes in. “Can I come home?” He makes an ill-favored type of face, with his lips stretching downward and eyebrows curving upward. A flash occurs in Kuchel’s mind, and she is reminded of her son at four-years-old.

A chubby, red-faced Levi crying when Kuchel would take away his favorite fruit – a lime – because it would hurt his tongue. He’d whine and cry, so much so that Kuchel would end up giving it back to him along with two more.

He did the same cry when he found out his father died. The same face where you could see despair and hurt etched into his features. The one that was so ugly – Kuchel would giggle at it when he was a baby. Even her husband found it funny, though he’d slap Kuchel on the head when she’d laugh.

_We are parents, for god’s sake, not teenagers_ – he’d say. Then he’d make Levi smile again.

A beautiful, fulfilling smile that made them fall in love with Levi all over again.

He had stopped the waterworks well into his teenage years. Kuchel never experienced Levi tearing up since then. He buried those habits, along with his heartful smile, in dirty soil long ago. His flowery romance with Roman blossomed much more grins, however, so she could not complain. As long as he was truly happy, Levi did not have to cry ever again.

Kuchel did not know how to react when wet, salty tears flowed from his navy eyes. Nor did she understand why her own eyes started to water. Perhaps, they were both babies at this point.

“Baby, don’t _cry_.” Kuchel mewls out. “_Please_, don’t cry. I don’t like seeing you like this.” Her arms envelop him in an embrace. She feels his loud sniffles and coughs into her shoulder. His fingernails dig into her back. He hiccups several times, unable to control the onset of emotions, and releases more cries. “You can always come home. There is no place better.”

Levi removes himself from her embrace and stares down at the wet spot on her shoulder. He feels a cold tear run down his cheek and tries not to rub it, knowing it would irritate his wounds. “I love Roman a lot, Mom.” Kuchel cocks an eyebrow. Lifting her hand, she rubs his head and wipes a teardrop from his eye.

“I know you do.”

“And I still do.”

“Of course.”

“I don’t want you to hate him,” Levi mumbles out. “Because I _love_ him.” Kuchel pauses. She places her hand onto his knee and shakes her head.

“Did Roman leave you?”

“Roman did this.” This faint declaration shatters Kuchel’s fantasy-like breaking glass. “A few months ago, I would have said he’s only done this five times. Now –“ Levi swallows. “ – I can’t even count it all. And I know this is sudden, and you are still processing this, but –“ He breathes in. A final tear falls onto the floor. “ – I _need_ to tell you.”

Her legs collapse.

Kuchel sits on them and stares at her son emptily.

She grins for a second, unable to believe the words, and huffs a laugh. “I…” Waterdrops ripple down her plump cheeks. They drip off her chin and run down her neck. Kuchel shakes her head in disbelief and places a hand on her forehead. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Levi looks away from her. “I thought it could get better.”

“It never gets better. You _know_ that.” Her shaky voice utters. “I told you this when you were younger.”

“It’s different when it happens.” Levi watches his mother’s face contort. Her eyes swell and turn crimson, and her eyebrows curve upward. He had seen his mother cry plenty of times, and every single time it makes him want to start sobbing with her.

He hates seeing her cry, just as much as she hates him doing it too.

Levi attempts to control his emotions as he speaks. “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?” She whines out. Her hands find their way to her reddened face. She sobs between them and lets her hair hang over her face. Her cries of guilt and frustration echo an empty living room.

“Don’t cry.” He murmurs. Levi places his elbows onto his knees and tries to subdue his growing urge to weep. “My eyes already hurt.” The sentence does nothing for his mother, as she continues to mourn her emotions into the room. By the time his mother controls her cries, her watery voice infiltrates his ears.

“You know…” She starts. “It’s your daddy’s birthday today. You didn’t even know, did you?” Levi’s eyes widen. He tries to remember the date, but finds it muffled due to his scattered brain.

“October 3rd.” Kuchel whispers. She reaches up and grabs her son’s hand tightly. “We went out to his favorite restaurant. I ordered _Garlic Cream Linguini _with Shrimp – his favorite.”

“I’m sorry.” He strains out. He not only forgot his own father’s birthday, but he ruined it for his family. Levi haunches over and ignores the pain in his abdomen. “I’m _sorry_.”

“Stop apologizing.” She clenches his trembling hands. “He would have liked that we are all together. He was always a family man, you know?’ Kuchel licks her salty lips. “We are going to get through this together, okay? Me and you. With Isabel and Farlan. And –“ She halts. “ – And Eren. Don’t you worry anymore. We’re here, now.” She smiles up at him.

“Daddy’s watching over you here. He’s gonna help us, too.” She traps her son’s hands in her palm. He nods and his hair tickles his cheek. Her hands give him warmth - feeling just like summer.

His mother had not exactly been in an abusive relationship, but she was raised by parents equivalent. It is one of the reasons why Levi never met them. As far as he knew, they lived somewhere in Florida, living their best lives with the grandchildren of Kuchel’s brother. She cut contact with them ever since she met Levi’s father.

She knew what it felt like to be beaten. She knew how it felt to be hit by someone you loved. It’s why when she raised Levi, Isabel, and Farlan – she made sure to discipline them with small slaps on the hand and verbal communication. She raised her kids with a certain agenda – and that was to make sure they felt safe. To make sure they understood their worth, and that they fought back when messed with.

It is no shock that she got caught in her own self-loathing when she found out Roman was abusing Levi.

It really was not the time to. Her son was in pain, physically and mentally, from someone he loved. Yet, Kuchel could not help but sob continuously on the living room floor. She had _failed_, after all. It was happening in front of her, right under her fucking nose, for almost_ nine _years. And she had endorsed it all.

She _loved_ Roman.

She thought he was going to be Levi’s savior – as cliché as it sounded. He was going to mend her son’s fallen pieces, just like Levi’s father did to her, and give him a fulfilling life. Levi was going to live a perfect life, a life Kuchel never got to finish due to her husband’s death.

She got too caught up in her own fantasies.

_“You go sleep upstairs in my room. I’ll talk to Isabel and Farlan. And bring your tea too. I know how much it helps you.” _– his mother had whispered to him with anguish etched onto her face.

The tea Eren made him tastes nothing like the original. The peppermint is merged with something a bit sweeter and fresher. Levi does not know if Eren made it with black or green tea. Either way, it alleviated the throbbing in his throat and left his breath smelling nice.

Levi scrutinizes the home phone settled onto Kuchel’s nightstand. He rubs his fingers over the porcelain cup in his hands, feeling the calming heat. He removes his left hand and grabs the phone. Settling on the edge of his mother’s bed, Levi runs his fingers on the plastic buttons. 

“Hey.”

His relaxed shoulders tense up. Levi jerks his head to see Eren standing in front of his mother’s room door, arms crossed as he leans against the wood. Eren gives a soft smile.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” Levi responds. He attempts to hide the phone between his thighs. “She knows.”

“That’s good.” Eren pushes away from his slouched position and strolls into Kuchel’s bedroom. His hair drapes over his neck and touches his shoulders. He sits himself onto the bed with a deep sigh. “Is the tea fine?”

“Tastes weird.” The shorter immediately confesses. Levi glances down at the drink and cocks an eyebrow. “You obviously don’t know the recipe.”

“What?” Eren recoils his head and scoffs. “_Please_. It tastes like the same toothpaste drink. But –“ Eren grins. “ – I did use a wintermint instead of peppermint. I hate peppermint. Wintermint is a bit more…” He hums. “…_fresh_.”

“And just like your juice, it’s annoyingly sweet.” Levi shakes his head. “Did you even attempt to be healthier while I was gone?” Eren opens his mouth and closes it. With an expression flat out saying _‘I’m caught,’_ the bright-eyed male shrugs his shoulders and leans on his palms backward against the bed.

“I had _less_ fatty foods.”

“So, you had fatty foods.”

“Good fat, though.”

“What kind?”

“The _seafood_ kind.”

“Good choice.” Levi chuckles and places his tea onto the nightstand. In doing so, he hides the house phone between his thighs better. “Let me guess – crab?”

“Actually, Cajun Crawfish.” Eren gives him a beaming smile. “I ate for two that day.” Naturally, Eren is flirty, so Levi cannot help the heat that travels up his neck. Levi rolls his eyes and shuffles on the bed. “Even had a po-boy with roast beef. It was disgusting, by the way.”

“Doesn’t that go against your diet?”

“I bend the rules now and then.”

“Whatever. It’s fine.” Levi sighs. “Carbs are way worse anyway.”

“I’ve been eatin’ the fuck outta pasta though.” With a playful shove, Eren laughs at Levi’s push and places his arm over his bicep. “My bad!”

“Get your shit together.”

“Alright, alright –“ Eren waves his hand dismissively. “ – I’m gonna go check on your mom. I’ll be sure to reflect on my dietary choices as I walk down.” He lifts himself off the bed and rubs absentmindedly on his stomach. “But before I go, I just want to let you know something.” Eren takes the porcelain mug off the nightstand. It is empty. He gives a cocky smirk at Levi before holding it to his chest.

“You ever heard of the word _agency? _It’s a sociology term I learned. I’ve been reading a lot more since I have free time but that's beside the point...it’s not like an organization or some shit like that, but anyway…”

“It’s the ability to make your own choices. To know what is good and bad for you. To live _independently_.” He taps his finger against the mug. “Some lack it, and some have too much of it. I’d say I have it too much. I make my own choices so much that I don’t think of the consequences.”

Eren chuckles at his own flaw.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is that…whatever choice you make, whether it be calling him –“ He gestures the home phone between Levi’s thighs. “ – or not, just make sure…you’re being kind to yourself.” His hands fall lifelessly to the side. “It sounds weird, I know, but it’s more important than you think.”

Be _kind_ to yourself.

_“Where are you.”_

His breath shakes. The heat surrounds the hidden cove he made under the covers. Levi rubs his hand on his forehead and closes his eyes. “I went somewhere.”

_“Tell me, now.”_

“I need a break, Roman.” Levi stumbles out. “Just for a few months. I’ll be back, I promise.” He swallows building spit.

_“You’re at your mother’s house, aren’t you? I know you are. Where the fuck else would you go?”_

“If you force me to come back, we’re getting divorced. I need time away from you.”

_“You think threatening me is going to make me feel better?”_

“No.” He sighs. “Don’t come here. I’ll be back in December, before my birthday. Okay?”

_“I don’t think you’re understanding me, Levi. You think you have an option? You think because you’re over the phone, that I won’t fly out there and take you? I don’t fucking like this. I don’t like this break shit, and I don’t like you being away from me. You either come home or –“_

“I’ll do it again.”

_“…do what again?”_

“I can’t be around you right now. I start…feeling _different_. I don’t like it.”

_“What? You’re gonna swallow down more pills like a fucking junkie? Is that what you’re saying?”_

“Yeah.”

_“…I should let you, just for threatening me like this. Nobody wants you over there, Levi, you fucking dumbass. Your mom pawned you off to me like gold. Don’t get cocky, you worthless bitch. Kill yourself – I don’t give a single fuck!”_ His voice grows louder with the last word, almost like a feral growl. _“I searched this house up and down for you and you’re gonna tell me that you want a break!? That if I don’t let you, you’re gonna kill yourself? What a fucking joke!”_

“Yeah.”

_“I don’t want anyone in this life but you. You’re gonna try and take it away from me? What if I come there tomorrow, unexpected? What happens then?”_

“I’ll do it tonight.”

_“I’ll kill you myself before that happens.”_

“Yeah.”

“_If you aren’t here in December, Levi, I will come up there. I do not give a single fuck about your family. You are coming with me, whether it be your corpse or live body, it doesn’t matter. You hear me?” _ A pause. “_Do you hear me? I’m not fucking around! I’m pissed off and you’re over here breathing hard as fuck into the fucking phone like you got asthma! Answer me!”_

“Yes.”

_“And you better call me every night. On this phone.”_

“Okay.”

_“…I missed your sweet voice, though. You sound good. Where are you at right now?”_

“My mom’s room.”

_“Yeah?”_

Isabel and Farlan skip school the next day. They make Levi breakfast. They do not hound him about Roman, nor do they ask why he is home. They treat him like they used to when he actually lived there. They take lingering looks on his face, yet ask whether he wants bacon or sausage. Levi finds himself drained, but thankful. After last night, the last thing he wants to do is talk about his husband.

He changes his bandages and lays onto the couch with a frozen pineapple bag on his face. Levi flickers the television to channel after channel, listening to the voices cut off over again. He ignores any mumbling in the kitchen from his siblings.

He sees the elephant in the room. He looks at it, knows its size, color, ratio – everything. But god forbid, he does _not_ want to talk about it.

Especially because he knows he will be going back soon, and the only one who is aware is Eren.

He walks in four minutes afternoon. He smiles at Levi, toolbox jingling and cheeks beaming. Levi sits up from the couch and gives a lazy wave. Eren asks him about his bandages and makes him his tea (with wintermint). Levi sips it endearingly, and cannot help the warm feeling that cuddles him when Eren grins at him again.

Always smiling – like everything is going to be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> things get better I promise, lmao.  
next chapter is 11k words...


	9. Chrysocolla

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Touch my mouth with your hands,  
I want to understand the meaning of your embrace."  
\- I Gotta Find Peace of Mind, Lauryn Hill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song for this chapter has helped me through too many times that I can count. It truly is beautiful and I recommend at least listening to the first few seconds. You can practically touch the emotion coming from her voice. 
> 
> oh, how i'm doing? i did fieldwork yesterday for a class and was editing it at my dorm. i ate a blackberry and the juice splattered all over my field notebook. the blackberry was delicious, so this professor better take this stained paper. it has great memories now. 
> 
> enjoy :)

_chrysocolla_

_ helps to purify energy fields, which increase your capacity to love - the best medicine for healing._

_to commence a **new beginning**_

Isabel listens to music that makes your ears hurt. Farlan listens to music that makes you wonder if he is going through something emotionally. That, or pop (He _loves_ Ariana Grande). Kuchel listens to classical music and enjoys some of _The Lion King_ soundtracks. Eren listens to music that makes your grandpa groove, or sway, in his sleep.

_“Darling, you-u-u send me, I know, you-u-u send me. Darling, you-u-u send me, honest you do, honest you do, honest you do -whoa!”_

“Every morning.” Farlan murmurs to his older brother as he nibbles on cut sausages. “Every morning, he listens to Sam Cooke. Evening, it’s Ella Fitzgerald. Want to guess what he plays at night?” He raises a blond eyebrow. “Yep. You were right. _Billie Holiday_.” He scoffs and scarfs down a large slice of pancake. “He’s lucky he cooks well.”

Actually, Farlan is way off. Eren starts off his day listening to bands – such as _The Originals, The Temptations, Bob Segar and The Silver Bullets, etc_. They are upbeat and give him energy. Then he’d enter the evening with something more chill, but otherwise lively, like _Louis Armstrong, Frank Sinatra, and Paul Anka_. Levi does not get to hear much of Eren’s music at night, but from what he’s heard, it consists of the rhythm and blues. _Ella Fitzgerald, Billie Holiday, Etta James_, and many more.

Farlan finds the oldie music annoying. Isabel doesn’t care. Kuchel adores it. Levi…_tolerates_ it. Though he cannot deny, it’s hard to indulge in his daily horror movies for entertainment when Eren is blasting upbeat jazz from the downstairs bathroom.

But that’s Eren. He would not change him for anything.

A plate of eggs is set onto the kitchen table. Levi lifts his fork and opens his mouth.

“I need some –“ By instinct, Eren places a glass bottle of hot sauce down. Levi cocks an eyebrow and watches the cocky smirk Eren gives him. “ – hot sauce…” Scowling, he snatches the hot sauce and places a few drops on his steaming eggs. _Eren looks ridiculous what that stupid apron on_, Levi thinks to himself. _Cocky little shit_.

“You still put hot sauce on eggs?” Farlan interrupts. “What are you, a devil?”

“Shut up.”

“I put barbeque on my eggs,” Isabel interjects. A faint squirt is heard as she pours the brown sauce onto her meal.

“That’s disgusting. Who raised you?” Levi murmurs.

“Farlan still puts pickles in his mashed potatoes.”

“H-Hey!”

“I literally lost my appetite.” Levi scowls at his brother. “Are you serious?”

“I like the crunchy taste!”

“But he _hates_ crawfish.” Isabel coos.

“Right.”

“Can y’all leave me alone!?”

It’s mid-November now.

Levi lives in the guest room, where Eren previously slept and keeps the house clean as a hobby. Eren sleeps in the living room on an air mattress. He has made himself his own little home, even buying a plastic table nightstand and a cheap alarm clock. Eren buys and cooks food with his own money. When Kuchel is gone for work (or out with her girlfriends), Levi and Eren act like a married couple with two twin kids. They become two peas in a pod – with one washing dishes and the other drying them up.

Two more weeks before December.

Levi calls Roman every night from his mother’s home phone. His excuse for stealing the phone was simple: he left his phone at home and needed to call his work. Kuchel did not bother pushing the issue any further.

So, he sits up at night, listening to Roman rant about his day and making him have phone sex. Half of the time Levi fakes it – just moaning into the phone so he could go the sleep. He hangs up and falls into slumber, trying to forget the reminder that he has to go back to that life in a few weeks.

Levi rubs his eyes open to Eren cooking breakfast, listening to _Baby, I’m For Real_, and it’s like he is living a double life.

He loves having Eren around him. _That_ much Levi can admit. The way he talks, the words he spews, and the kindness he shows – it gives Levi all the more reason to like him. They do not talk much at night like they used to, but when he catches Eren nibbling on lettuce at three in the morning, they have conversations that could last for decades.

Eren’s building a hot tub in the backyard. A _hot_ tub. Levi asks him how he is going to do it, and Eren waves him off. He is simply building an extension to the pool, he says, and Levi wants to roll his eyes at his nonchalance.

Yeah, like _that_ was easy.

He works on the hot tub when the sun is shinning the most. He wears long-sleeved shirts instead of tank-tops, and instead of his face becoming all red like during the summer, his cheeks have a tint of rosiness in autumn. Levi watches him from the screen doors, like a real-life creep, and gets him water when he feels a little nice.

Winter is knocking. He hardly noticed the sound.

“Alright, Levi.”

Eren stops him from outside the busy supermarket. He places his fist in his hand and looks down at him seriously. “This is war, ya hear me? Every asshole in New Orleans is lookin’ for a turkey. Ya gotta stay strong and catch it when you see it, okay?” Levi cocks an eyebrow at his declaration. “The biggest one you can find. That’s our winner! Ready?”

“Uh, I guess.”

“Don’t get ran over. I know you’re short and everythin’ but you gotta stay –“

“Do-fucking-not finish that sentence, Eren.” Eren giggles childishly to himself and speed walks into the market. Levi follows behind slowly. People among people scatter, holding carts full of vegetables, fruits, processed foods, and whole turkeys. Levi sighs and strolls to the meat section. He manages to slide past people easily due to his small frame. Luckily, no one has pushed him yet, so he has no means to start throwing punches.

Fourteen pounds. No. _Twenty_ pounds. Maybe. Levi scratches his chin and grabs the tag. Should he grab it just in case? Shrugging his shoulders, Levi snatches the wrapped turkey and holds it in his arms. Where the hell is Eren in all this mess?

“I caint find shit, Lorine!”

“Boy if you don’t go put that ten-pound turkey back! Who that gone feed, the birds?”

“It caint feed the birds, Lorine, it’s a damn bird itself. You on’t even know whatchu eatin’ these days! Ah! Lookie, it’s a sixteen!”

“Goddamnit, Georgie, that’s gonna feed the baby in my stomach and Bubbles! Do I look like an infant or a dog?”

Levi walks past the arguing couple, eyes almost budging at the size of the woman’s stomach. She does not notice his presence and screams at her husband. Shoving the older male, her husband pouts and dives for heftier turkeys. Levi leans against a rack of bread and tries to stand on his toes.

Any minute now, he is going to start screaming bloody murder. That would surely get that bright-eyed bastard to come take this heavy ass turkey.

He moistens his mouth and drops his jaw. “Ere-!”

“Levi?” Levi ceases his yell and jerks his head. An awfully familiar woman with strawberry-blonde hair beams at him. She waves and moves her cart in front of him. “I almost didn’t recognize you! Do you remember me?” She points to her face and laughs. Levi cocks a hip and tries to recall her name.

“Uh, yeah. I know you. You’re…?”

“Petra.” She waves her fingers. “I didn’t expect you to remember. It isn’t exactly common.” To relax his wrists, Levi leans the heavy turkey on her cart and analyzes her different appearance. The tight, spaghetti-strapped dress she wears hugs her feminine curves nicely, and the cropped jean jacket on her shoulders makes for an informal look. “You never called! I was hoping we could go out for some bottomless mimosas!”

“Funny.” Levi scoffs. “I’m not one of your girlfriends.”

“Really? I would have never guessed.” She sarcastically says. Levi rolls his eyes. “I just love drunk brunches. Was hopin’ you’d pay, too.”

“You seem like a bad friend.”

“So mean!” She pouts and leans against the cart. “You’re celebrating Thanksgiving then? Good. I would have forced you to attend with my family if not. Consider yourself a lucky guy, Levi.” Petra cocks her head and pushes the cart forward. As her form gets closer, Levi can smell the potent perfume on her neck. “Well, I should go! I sent my boyfriend to go get some cheese, and I bet he’s having a brain aneurysm at which to get. Last time he got me gouda and I almost kneed him in the dick.” She huffs. “The price he pays for pregnancy.”

Levi lifts the turkey off her cart and stares down at her stomach. The black dress she has on does well at hiding the protruding bump. Levi tilts his head and hums. “Wow. Black _is_ slimming.”

“Right!?” Petra makes a show as she shows off her slim figure. She even flips her hair over her shoulder. Done with her modeling show, Petra leans over the cart and laughs. “I asked him that and he said ‘_maybe_.’ I have to stop myself from committing arson every single day!”

“Petra!” – a high-pitched voice sings. Levi glances over and sees a rather tall, wavy-haired male strolling over to Petra. He holds out a block of cheese to her, and Levi deduces that this is her lovely _boyfriend_. “Mozzarella? I got pepper jack too.” She glares at him. To give them privacy, Levi turns his head awkwardly and scratches behind his ear. “D-Don’t look at me like that! You shoulda followed me if you wanted the right kind! After all I’ve done for you –“

“I’m pregnant as hell and you wanna eat Mac N’ Cheese with pepper jack! I don’t even like spicy foods! They make me gassy, Oluo!”

“You ate all them Hot Cheetos yesterday! What you mean you don’t like hot foods!?”

“That’s different.”

“W-Wh – No it’s not! You even put _Tajin_ on it!

_‘Couples on Thanksgiving -’_ Levi thinks to himself. He stares at the wives among husbands, fighting over foods and collecting for a feast. _‘ – are all the same.’_

He gives a jealous smile.

Levi tucks the turkey against his stomach and begins to walk around Petra’s cart. Maybe if he found Eren, this odd _feeling_ boiling in his gut would fade away. He takes two steps forward before Petra opens her mouth again.

“A-Ah, Levi!” He looks at her. She pushes her boyfriend’s face away and pushes her cart toward him. “I forgot to ask, but are you doing well? You look…” Her lips go from ear to ear. “…_so_ much better. From when I saw you, anyways.” Levi blinks and tightens his hold around the twenty-pound turkey. He nods slowly.

“Yeah. I am.” He takes his eyes off her. “But you shouldn’t get too invested in stranger’s lives.” That warm smile of hers stays. She shrugs her shoulders in response. She pulls her cart into another direction. Once close enough, Petra gives him a soft shoulder squeeze.

“I’ll see you, then. Text me some time and we can get together. I may bring some of my ‘_girlfriends,’_ or so you call them.” She chuckles and makes her way to the frozen food section. Levi watches her go. Her boyfriend follows after goofily, bringing up their previous argument and causing them to fall into playful bickering.

_Bickering_. Levi shakes his head. It is…entertaining, to say the least.

Eren gets his hands on two seventeen-pound turkeys. He pouts like a kid and throws it into his cart. Without a second thought, Levi says he found a twenty pound one, but Eren’s excitement only rises slightly. He grabs the turkey from Levi and frowns. “Uh, you sure this is twenty pounds?” Levi nods his head and watches Eren struggle to place it into the cart. “That is heavy as fuck. That is _not_ twenty pounds.”

When they check the turkey’s weight on a store scale, the number flickers nonstop. Levi shuffles on his feet and stuffs his hands into his pockets. Eren scratches his chin. The number stops.

Twenty-nine pounds.

Eren’s jaw drops. He looks at Levi like he is the Messiah. “How the hell did you carry a thirty-pound turkey around like that?” _‘Because I’m stronger than you,’ _Levi sassily replies. His sit-ups and push-ups in the morning must be paying off.

They get away with buying the turkey for cheap. Levi tells Eren that he is a thief and that he scammed the store. Eren shrugs his shoulders and says that if he is a horrible person for it all, he will feel the guilt after he devours a turkey leg. Then Levi reminds him that he is pescatarian, and Eren gets quiet.

He blurts out his next sentence when they are driving back home in his raggedy truck.

“I can have one day, alright!”

That’s Eren. He would not change him a bit.

Levi finishes his call to Roman when Eren walks into his room. The elder planned to attend a business dinner and would not be available at night. His husband talks about how he has to redecorate the living room and that he bought Levi new comforters. Levi listens to his voice drawl on and on, before Roman hangs up on him. No goodbyes, no _‘I love you’_ \- nothing. Levi gently places the home phone back into its holder and hangs his head.

“You seen my cast urn?” He lifts up. Eren wipes his hands on his dirty apron.

“The what?”

“My cast urn.” Levi scrunches his eyebrows. His low spirits fade away when Eren slaps his hands on his sides goofily. He swallows a laugh. “Cast urn!” Levi rubs his eyes.

“You mean _‘cast iron’_?” Eren places a hand on his hip and shakes his head at the shorter male.

“I see what you’re doin’, and it’s not funny.”

“I honest to god had no idea what the hell you were saying.” He cannot help the chuckle that weaves its way between his words.

“Uh huh, whatever. The food is ready, so get yourself downstairs.”

The twenty-nine-pound turkey tastes like heaven itself. The black-haired male devours it, along with some macaroni, yams, and other delectable sides Eren made. His mother raves on about her day at work. Isabel listens, and Farlan slips in sly comments when he can. Eren, surprisingly, takes no turkey meat – and instead enjoys some greens and Sweet Hawaiian bread sandwiches. The abalone-eyed individual sits across from Levi, sparring him gentle looks that makes his stomach bubble.

_Thanksgiving was nice_, Levi admits to himself as he dries the dishes. The dinner is over, and his family had run upstairs to end the night with a tummy-filled sleep. He and Eren do the usual routine – with him drying and Eren doing the washing. Levi places the spotless dish onto a rack and wipes his hands dry.

December is closing in, and there is a certain torture in knowing what your future looks like.

“All done,” Eren mutters. He flips off the faucet and assists in drying the rest of the dishes. “You feelin’ okay? You’re slackin’.” He gestures the four porcelain plates that are still dripping. Levi places a dish into the rack. “Levi?”

“I’m good.” He replies emotionlessly. “Thanks for the food. It was good.”

“No problem. I love cookin’.” Eren grins. “Back in the day, I used to cook for all my cousins at my aunty’s. They even called me ‘_Cook_.’” He chuckles. “But ya know, they was young so they didn’t know the meaning of ‘_Chef_.’” Levi hums and pays close attention to the dish in his hands. His nimble fingers are trapped underneath a cloth as they glide on the glass. His mouth moves before he can think.

“Your parents died in Katrina…right?” Eren pauses. He nods his head. Levi’s eyes soften and he feels his eyelids becoming heavy.

“Is that why you’re so –“ He sighs. “- family-oriented, I guess? You cook and clean. You give my siblings advice like a big brother. You talk to my Mom like an old friend.” Levi ceases to mention himself. “I used to think it was weird, you know? But now, I don’t think I can imagine this house surviving without you.” His words fall upon Eren’s ears with a soothing undertone. “You’re a good person, Eren.” Levi admits.

Eren’s hands have stopped fiddling with the dishes, and he looks at Levi in shock. He laughs awkwardly and averts his eyes.

“U-Uh, thanks? I never had someone call me out like that.” He places the dish onto the counter. “Um, I don’t really know? I never focus on myself like that. But I know I like being around people and helping people. To help others heal their wounds is nice.”

He hands the final dish, a bowl, to Levi. The shorter-male takes it and feels their fingers brush. His are freezing cold.

“Your mother once told me…that I have no self-respect.”

This statement causes Levi to turn his head. His eyes glaze over. “It was around the first week we met. I told her that some ass refused to pay me when I was done redesigning his gazebo. Complained about the fencing, but it was honestly an excuse to rip me off. I meant to tell the story as a joke, but she took it seriously.” His eye’s shimmer from the kitchen light.

“She told me that I was offering myself too cheap. That I let people walk all over me, and that I have no respect for myself. I let people use me.” He laughs it off by shaking his head. “I thought, _‘wow, this woman is intense!’_, but she was right. Honestly, the reason I do this job is to be…_around_ someone.”

“It’s nice to get to know people. It’s nice to talk and joke around. It’s nice to feel wanted. I’m an extrovert at heart, so when I’m alone, life is just –“ Eren glances down at his damp hands. “ – empty.” Levi watches the younger lean against the counter and prolong his thoughts. He intervenes.

“You don’t.” Levi puts bluntly. “Have any self-respect, I mean. I mean...you had sex with me knowing I was looking for a release. You knew I wasn’t going to be with you, Eren.”

“….Yeah, I know.” The shock that Levi even brought the situation up was not there. Eren only taps his finger against the counter. “My actions confuse me to this day.”

“Do you think you pitied me?”

“_Pity_?” Eren cocks his head. “I’d never pity you. I really don’t know why.” Levi rolls his eyes and scoffs. “My relationship with Kuchel is like an old friend. _Sometimes_ a grandma. With you, it was like I was living high with my best friend. You’d make shit jokes, nag about my eating habits, and do stupid shit in the backyard with me. Hey –“ Eren raises a finger. “ – remember the time we got stuck in the empty pool because I left out the ladder? I tried to run up the slope but kept falling!”

Levi grins at the memory. He remembers, alright. It was hot as hell and the idiot needed his help cleaning out the pool drain. Next thing you know, Eren tries to leave to wash his hands and realizes he threw the ladder out so it would not be in his way. Levi was upset, but could not help his laughter when Eren tried to run up and fail miserably.

“Yeah, you almost sprained your ankle doing that dumb shit.”

“Or the time you accidentally stepped on an anthill and freaked out when they crawled on your slippers. Or my favorite – “ He laughs endearingly. “ – when you’d come out to see the possums with me. We took those cutesy photos when we found them asleep during the day. You refused to take one because they were ‘_ugly_,’ so I sneaked one under your door.” Levi’s head pops up at this.

“You did?”

“Yeah, you didn’t get it?” Eren tuts his lip. “I got one with the mother’s eyes open. Though I had to back away very, _very_ slowly.”

“He probably found it.” Levi murmurs. He turns around from the sink and leans his back against the counter. “Eye’s open, huh?” Eren crosses his arms and mimics Levi’s position. They stare at the empty kitchen. “I kinda miss those brats.”

_I miss how it used to be._

“You’re the only person I know who would call a possum a ‘_brat_.’”

_I miss the summer._

“Eren.” Levi licks his lips and glances at the floor. “Can you stay with me tonight?”

This calming feeling. The aura Eren carries around him – it is equivalent to what he had been searching for at the beginning of summer. Something soothing, lull, and _pacifying_. The anxiety he experiences when alone is unbearable. He sleeps rolling around the covers, staring at a blank wall, and suffocating in the darkroom.

Would he be an awful person for asking for Eren’s company?

Does he have the nerve to after leaving him like that?

“Is this a test?” Eren questions. He uncrosses his arms and lifts himself up. He turns around to face Levi. “I’m confused.”

“You don’t have to. I don’t want to do anything like _that_. But I can’t exactly go to my Mom and cuddle up with her. I’m twenty-five. Same with my siblings. It would be nice…” He peers into Eren’s tranquilizing eyes. “…to feel safe.”

“From what? No one is going to hurt you.” Eren’s voice is so soft that Levi can hardly hear. Levi gives a small smirk and sways his head. He _knows_ that.

Levi does not fear Roman. Without a doubt, he has at times been frightened at what he could do to him, but Levi had never been _terrified_ of him.

The only thing Levi fears is himself. His love, his emotions, his irrationalness – it’s all going to end up getting him hurt in the end. He knows it. Roman could walk in right now, beat Levi to a bloody pulp, and the shorter would love him all the same. It is overwhelming to know Levi could harbor such eternal affection.

Nine-years of dependence had done that to him, and now that he is all alone, he doesn’t exactly know _what_ to do.

“I know that,” Levi replies. He clears his throat when it comes out shakier than expected. Eren reaches forward and grabs his wrist. Intertwining their hands, he rubs his thumb along Levi’s knuckles and clenches tightly. “I know that.” He repeats. Eren’s cold hands warm up at their touching.

Eren is new. Eren’s smile, laugh, and affection is new. It is refreshing - similar to the flavor of hot, steaming wintermint tea.

Though he would not admit it, Levi enjoys cuddling. His smaller frame made it easy for him to curl up against someone who is much taller and wider. He feels like a cocoon and the warmth aided in a wonderful sleep. It was an activity he only participated in with Roman, of course, so it is very personal.

Eren’s heartbeat thumps like a musical lullaby. Levi tightens his arms around Eren’s torso and intertwines their legs. He feels Eren’s toe nail scratch his ankle, which makes him pinch his chest and get a warning groan from the younger. Levi chuckles in his haze and inhales his shirt, which smells like turkey seasoning and chicken broth. With no hesitance, Levi tells him to take off his shirt.

His chest smells like soap. The perfect scent – in Levi’s opinion. Thirty minutes past, and the two fall in and out of sleep. Sometimes Eren wakes up and glides his sharp fingernails across his back. Levi wakes up and claws at his chest in response. Then they go to sleep again, and the cycle continues.

The fourth time it happens – it’s four-am – and Levi kisses his chin. Eren’s eyelashes cast a small shadow on his undereye, illuminated by the streetlights shining from the window. His hair is messily sprawled against an ivory pillow. Levi is enamored by the sight. He is so dazed by sleep, and his eyes are so heavy, that he feels as if he’d seen a real God.

Eren is gorgeous. So, _so_ gorgeous.

He flows his fingers along Eren’s cheek and gazes at his handsome features. Levi’s thumb touches his bottom lip, and he wonders how many people Eren granted the touch. He hardly has to move for their lips to touch. Levi drily connects their lips. There is no sexual intent – nor is Eren responding.

Until he hears a soft inhale and plump movement against his mouth. Levi moves away and breathes out a sigh. His stunning eyes peer from their cave and gift him with two familiar jewels. Eren looks confused and licks his lips. They both stare at each other – still in a haze from lack of sleep. Their movements are on instinct.

“I can’t kiss you.” His voice is raspy. Levi backs away and lays his head on a nearby pillow.

“Why?” He knows why. Levi is not stupid. Just when he expects Eren to tell him he is not interested anymore, or that he does not want to get hurt again – Eren replies with something unexpected.

“Because I made a vow I wouldn’t kiss married men anymore.” He scrunches up his eyebrows cutely. Levi watches his expressions contort. “Made it six hours ago.”

“Do you do this often then?” Levi mutters. Eren gives a lazy grin. It shows his perfectly white teeth and his award-winning smile. His eyes crinkle and he sways his head.

“Only in my dreams.” He whispers. Levi eyes his body become relaxed again. A loud inhale indicates him falling asleep again. Levi shuffles in his position and places his head against his chest again. He listens to his heartbeat and falls into slumber at the song.

Who would have known that it would be painful to wake up in sunny December?

It is forty-degrees outside, but New Orleans’ sun shines a shadow among all. Levi stares at the crimson digital numbers. One that shows the time, and the other that paints the device with twelve-slash-_one_.

He had already booked a flight yesterday. He has nothing to pack, so all he has to do was take one foot outside his mother’s house. Everyone is asleep. Levi digs his feet into some slides and stands up from his bed. His hair is not brushed, and his teeth are grimy. His back cracks.

He makes the bed properly as a thank you to his mother since he will not be able to make her breakfast instead. He’ll call Isabel and Farlan when he can. He’ll thank them for not digging deep into his wounds. They are naturally nosy, so Levi is surprised that they had not mentioned Roman once when he came back.

Levi will send Eren a letter. A personal thanks for staying with him those nights. It had started awkward, with Levi kissing Eren on the lips, but the shorter controlled his actions from then on. They became simple bed-buddies. Never mind that Eren’s touch started to bring butterflies in his chest. Or how every time Levi would wake up in the morning, he would become stunned at how beautiful Eren is.

Levi can reduce it’s meaning as much as he wants, but he truly cannot forget how content he is to have Eren near him.

But Eren does not talk much about his feelings. He can only assume he is not interested anymore, which is fine.

He has Roman, at the very least.

His shaky hands struggle to tug down a new shirt over his torso. The reflection in the mirror tells him a truth that his mouth could not convey. Swallowing down a sigh, Levi tugs on a jacket and ignores the hitches in his breath.

For once, Levi is eager to go back. He craves normalcy. Home is not _normal_ anymore. Not with Eren around. Every feeling, every emotion – it is something Levi is hesitant to address. It was okay during the summer, and it was okay a few days after he got back. But now…_now_ –

The house phone rings.

Levi jumps from staring at himself in the mirror. “Shit –“ He whispers. He runs over to the phone and turns it on silent. Hopefully the loud ring did not wake anyone up. Placing the device near his ear, he answers. “Roman? I’m on my way, okay? Don’t worry.“

_I’m coming back. Things will go back to normal again. We can have kids. We can –_

_“Who the hell is Roman?”_ Levi pauses. Looking down at the phone number, he realizes it is most definitely not his husband. _“Hey, Levi, I thought you were supposed to invite me to drinks soon?”_ A whine emits. The male scowls when he comprehends the person on the phone. He shakes his head in irritation. _“Levi?”_

“Petra – how the hell did you get this number?”

_“I have my ways.”_ She chuckles. _“Now come on! You should come with me and my friends today. I’ll even pick you up! We’re going to this cute spot for brunch!” _

“Aren’t you pregnant? You can’t even have alcohol!” He angrily whispers.

_“Don’t remind me, ugh. I’m not used to this.”_ She groans. _“But listen, it’ll be fun! I’m paying for everyone’s tab too!”_ Levi listens to her rant on and on. His body slouches against the bed as he tunes in on her happy voice. It is so early in the morning. Why the hell is she awake in the first place?

_“So, yeah?”_

“I can’t.” He admits. “I’m leaving today.”

_“…leaving where?”_

“Back home.”

_“Where’s home?”_ Levi sighs. The phone’s metal feels cold against his ear lobe. _“These are the kind of questions I’d like to ask you, you know? I wanna get to know you.”_

“I understand you met me with my face beaten black and blue, but if you’re doing all of this out of some pity, then I’m not interested. There is a reason I never contacted you.”

_“There is a difference between pity and compassion, Levi.”_

“Is there?” He interrupts. “From my understanding, they both bother the shit out of me. Especially from a stranger.”

_“Ahh, you are so stubborn!”_ She growls into the phone. _“It may have been pity at first, I won’t deny that! But after meeting you at the store – you don’t seem like that bad of a person? I’m just trying to make a friend! I’m an extrovert, don’t blame me!”_ He hears a slam. _“Look, are you coming or not? I get the feeling you’re an arguer, and I’d feel much better if we could bicker in person.”_

“I’m _not_ an arguer.”

_“Keep telling yourself that.” _

“First,” Levi begins, “Tell me how you got this number. I’m not letting this slide.”

_“If I do, will you come tonight? I’ll pick you up around ten!”_

“Yes. Just tell me.”

_“That guy you were with –“_ She starts. _“ – with the green eyes and long hair. I saw you two talking and asked if I could have your phone number. He said no, of course, but after some persuasion – he gave me the house phone. He is really cute by the way. Are you by any chance ga –“_

“Don’t be late.” He hangs up. Levi shuffles on his bed and stares down at his thighs. Throwing the phone on the mattress, Levi gets up and gazes at himself in the mirror again.

He forgot to brush his hair.

He chuckles and grabs a brush from the dresser. His ebony locks fall nicely in a part. He forgot to brush his teeth, too.

He was in such a hurry.

Levi slowly walks into the bathroom and runs the faucet. The water lathers his hands and his toothbrush.

_Eren saves me again, I guess, in the simplest ways._

Levi has not been in a friend group since he was eighteen. He cut off all his old friendships after meeting Roman. Though most of them were dying anyways because he had moved to college. He never grieved over their loss. He had Roman to fill in each and every hole they left behind. Besides, being the complete opposite of Petra and Eren, Levi is an introvert. He could live his entire life without a friend.

Hanji Zoe. Twenty-seven years old. Works as a physicist in a glorified company near Georgia. Currently staying in New Orleans to do research and train internees at a nearby organization. Identifies as nonbinary, something Levi adjusts to quickly. It is one of the reasons they cling to Levi like a koala. Other than that, they are goofy, loud, and oddly entertaining. Their energy reminds him of a squealing hyena.

Erwin Smith. Twenty-six years old. Works at the same company as Hanji, but instead as a geologist. He enjoys traveling and leading research groups across the world. He has a very can-do personality and sometimes rants inspirational speeches that aren’t needed. Though he comes off as very serious, he is actually very clumsy and spilled his water several times at the table. Petra tells him it is one of the reasons he cannot find a girlfriend.

Mike Zacharias. Twenty-six years old. Has a degree in chemistry, but has yet to find a job. He spends his days helping his parents run their aromatherapy shop – so much so, that he has been thinking about taking it over. He has a very, very deep voice and is sort of quiet. But when he does speak, he makes quirky jokes and pokes fun at Erwin.

The individuals Levi does not get to know as well are sitting far at the other end of the table. Gunther, the one who kept ordering French toast sticks. Eld, a guy who would not stop putting Carmex on. Oluo, Petra’s boyfriend, who would try and say funny jokes but kept failing.

So much for Petra having ‘_girlfriends_.’ They were almost all guys. He wonders how she can put up with all the testosterone filling the air.

“So, Levi –“ Hanji’s voice booms from across the table. They chew on spinach pieces and wipe their mouth of buttermilk ranch. Erwin hands them a napkin, and they give a brief thank you. “ – you said you’re from New Orleans, right? Do you stay here?” Besides Eld and Gunther engaging in a short conversation, most attention is on him. Levi crosses his legs under the table and tries to ignore all the stares.

“No. I live in Australia.”

“Australia!?” They shout. “Damnnn, well look at you!” Erwin shakes his head and munches on his egg croissant.

“Last time I went to Australia, I got stung by a beetle and found a snake on the sidewalk. _Never_ again, I’ll tell ya’.”

“You’re always hiking or traveling, Erwin, of course you’re gonna face these things.” Mike intervenes. “Better than the time I seen an alligator in a motel pool. Shit was crazy.”

“Are you serious?”

“No, dude.” Mike chuckles. He steals a small chunk of Erwin’s food and stuffs his face. “You gotta stop believing me all the time.”

“You’re _annoying_.”

“I stopped off there to see an old high school friend once.” Petra waves her hand around. “I was so scared because I was reading some articles about Australia animals. I stayed for two nights and didn’t use her bathroom because I was scared a snake was gonna pop out the toilet and bite my coochie!”

“Petra, that was way too much information.” Oluo groans.

“Wait, wait, wait –“ Hanji frowns. “ – snakes can weave through pipelines? When has this happened?” Petra nods her head enthusiastically and begins to spew a story. Levi ignores the conversation and pays close attention to the water dropping on his glass. As he does, he notices Mike leaning away from Erwin and placing his elbows on the table.

“You live alone in Australia?” The taller man questions quietly. Levi grabs his glass off the table and takes a sip.

“No.” He begins. “I live with my husband.” Erwin pops his head up at the statement. Raising an eyebrow, he intervenes their conversation.

“You’re married?” Not exactly the question he expected, but it would do. His naturally booming voice catches the attention of Hanji and Petra, pulling them out of their story. Levi nods. “How long?”

“Nine years.”

“Shit.” He hears Mike mutter to himself. “That’s _deep_. How long you guys been together?”

“Nine years.” He repeats. The trio lets out an ‘_ahhh’_ before their minds start to churn. Petra turns to him and puckers her lips. Levi doesn’t wait for her to ask. “We got married a couple months after we met.” Just by the look on her face, Levi can tell she wants to be nosy. Levi feels thankful that she does not bring up such an awkward topic. He could imagine how they react when he tells them Roman is almost _forty_ now.

“That’s sweet, though.” Hanji dilutes the tension. “You guys must be in love! Me and my sweetie, Moblit, don’t really believe in marriage – but it’s still a cute thought!” They rant on about their boyfriend as Levi sits there. He actually listens at this point. It is endearing to hear them speak so caringly about their boyfriend. He admires it.

“So, on the phone…” Petra starts beside him. “…you’re going back to Australia today?” Levi nods his head despite the fact he already missed his flight. Petra gives a brief ‘_huh’_ and wipes her fingers with a napkin. She gets rid of the frown on her face and smiles widely. “Well, it was nice having you here! I’m glad you came, honestly.” Petra leans against the booth and pats her belly. “When you come back, we should all go laser-tagging! Get to know each other more, yeah?”

He wonders if this is what _extroverts_ do. Smile, wag their tail and make people happy. Levi does not answer, but the thought sounds nice. It’s nice to be around people like this. People who laugh and grin; people who make jokes and stay positive. Levi balls his fist around his shirt under the table.

This is nice.

Roman starts to leave voicemails on December 6th.

The first one starts off kind. He asks Levi if he has enough money, and that when he can, to pick up the phone.

The second one comes three hours later. Roman screams. By the time he leaves a third and fourth, Levi had stopped listening because he could not take the anger in his husband’s voice.

The fifth one beeps on December 7th at one in the morning.

_“I’m going crazy, baby. I don’t know if you decided you leave me, or if you’re just in one of those fucking moods again. God, you’re not even going to answer? On my life, Levi, I will head out there. When I find you, I am going to fucking strangle you. You hear me? I know you’re listening to these you stupid FUCKING –“_ A slam, loud enough to sound like a gunshot, echoes through the room. _“ – shit! Got me punching doors and shit!”_ Thirty-second silence. _“…I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to embarrass you around your family, baby. Please come home._”

Surprisingly, that one was nowhere near as worse as the sixth, which came ten minutes after.

_“Should’ve let you die, fucking faggot. Let you go be with your half-breed dad. I wish, I fucking wish, I never met you. No one is ever going love you like me. No one! Might as well swallow those pills again. Better yet, I should come and blow a bullet through your fucking head for doing this.”_

The seventh. Two minutes.

_“I want you dead. I’m never going to forgive you for this. Kill yourself.”_

Levi unplugs the phone.

Eren takes him out for drinks on his birthday. Kuchel drops them off at a bar, shaking her head and telling them she will be back in a few hours. Tiny snowflakes litter the ground, dampening the sidewalk, but not enough to build up.

Eren takes him to a jazz bar. They sit at a booth and enjoy their shots while listening to the music. The bass on the singer’s guitar thumps heavily enough that Levi feels it in his chest. Eren seems to be loving the piano. He bobs his head and vibes to the music.

They get drunk off Hennessy and sweet drinks. The band continues to play uplifting music when Eren pulls a plastic container from his bag. Levi quirks an eyebrow at this. “Since it’s your birthday, I made you something special.” He opens the cheap container. A traditional chocolate cake, covered in hazel icing and blue swirls, sits perfectly sliced. Eren grins at it. He hands Levi a utensil. “Cake – for you and me.”

“Smells really good.” Levi slurs. Before he can dig his fork in, Eren stops him and grins.

“It’s not just any cake.” Levi’s eyes squint. “It’s _that_ kind of cake.”

“What?” Eren looks at him knowingly. Then it clicks. Oh. _Oh_. Levi stares down at the cake and suddenly grins. “It’s my birthday. I’ll let it slide.” His fork digs in, and before he knows it, he is devouring a delicious dessert that has a distinctive flavor. Eren joins in. They end up fighting for the icing remains and laugh the whole time.

“Oh, you guys look a mess!”

Kuchel complains to the two when they sloppily get into her car. Levi buckles his seatbelt in the backseat and looks over at Eren knowingly. On instinct, the bright-eyed male laughs and wipes his eyes. Kuchel shakes her head as she stares at them in the rearview mirror. “We still need to open presents when we get home, so try and sober up.” She turns the wheel and drives back home.

For some reason, Levi cannot stop humming the jazz music he heard in the club. His eyes are heavy, and he can’t stop staring at a stain on the glass. Bobbing his head, Levi blinks and glances over at Eren. The male is downing a water bottle and moving slowly. Levi opens his palm.

“I want some.” He says. Eren looks at him, confused. Levi cocks his head. “The bottle.”

“This?” He questions.

“Yeah.”

“It’s water.”

“I know that.” Levi wiggles his fingers. “I’m thirsty.”

“Want some water?”

“Yeah.” Eren hands him the bottle. “Thanks.”

“You guys are friggin’ weird.” Kuchel murmurs from her seat. “The hell did you drink?”

“Water,” Eren replies.

Opening presents go well. Isabel got a new perfume collection and headphones. Farlan got new headphones as well, in addition to new shoes. The two siblings also got money to spend on whatever they please. Kuchel gets Levi a new coffee mug and blanket. But, by far, her most expensive present was for Eren.

She hands him a solid check for four thousand dollars.

Eren declines it. Kuchel opts for sealing it in his bag and patting him on the back. As for Kuchel, Levi buys her a designer purse filled with high brand makeup. She is ecstatic and even tries to end the night early so she could go try it on.

As he said, Christmas and his birthday went well. The family watched so many Christmas movies that their eyes hurt.

However, Eren accidentally knocking over the Christmas tree becomes a good indicator that maybe it was time to call it a night. Eren and Levi are forced to clean up the tree and it’s remains. They did not mind much. They spend the whole time laughing either way.

Never mind that he was drunk and faded.

Never mind that life isn’t the best for him anymore.

Life was good at that moment.

Life was pure and joyful. That was all that mattered to Levi.

The Earth could burn up, or freeze, to death tomorrow – and he would not care. He would remember this day for as long as he lived.

The future did not matter that day. It was all about him, Eren, and their fallen damaged Christmas tree.

“Remote sensing.” Levi jerks his head up and takes his mouth off his drink. Hanji grins at him and wiggles their finger. “Remote sensing would be perfect for you.” Levi rolls his eyes and breaks apart his chocolate cookie.

“I have no idea what that is.”

“It’s in the name! You sense things about Earth without physically being there. I do a portion of it in my field.” Hanji slams their hand on the table and leans forward excitedly. “You have a degree in computer science. You could come work with Erwin and me! It would be fun! You get tons of vacati –“

“Can’t I just code or something?”

“Hell no. That’s boring. Live life on the edge!” Levi scoffs and stuffs his face.

“Whatever. Tell me why we are in a Starbucks like some teenage girls? I could be at home watching horror movies.”

“We’re waiting for Erwin.” Hanji shakes their iced coffee and sips it like a mad man. “He’ll be here soon. Be patient!” They push his arm and watch Levi move away stubbornly. Giggling, Hanji tries not to tease their friend anymore and pushes their laptop toward him. “Lookie here. Fill this out and email me your resume. I’ll recommend you.” Levi looks at them like they are crazy.

“I’m sitting here. Eating a cookie with crumbs on my shirt. I don’t feel like filling out a job application.”

“Fine. I’ll do it. Your full name is Levi Ackerman, right? I think that is what your Mom called herself when I raided your house yesterday. Oh wait, you’re married. What is it then?”

“Just – give it here!”

By the time Levi is finishing up adding his personal information, Erwin comes walking into the coffee shop with a bag in his hand. He looks around the shop like a lost idiot and waves when he sees the two. Strolling over to them, Erwin places the bag onto the table and takes a seat. “Sorry, I’m late. Some lady at Sprint was yelling about her phone bill.”

“Why the hell were you at _Sprint_?” Levi murmurs as he types. Erwin grins at this. Glancing over at Hanji, Erwin pulls a box out of his bag and hides it in his lap. “What?”

“Okay, so –“ Hanji starts. “ – most of the crew could not be here because they are working. Luckily, Erwin and I have a four-day weekend, so we decided to give you the gift. Petra was supposed to come, but her pregnancy has been making her grouchy.” Hanji waves their hand. “Anyway, everybody pitched in to get you this. I technically paid the most, but –“

“Happy Belated Birthday, Levi.” Erwin interrupts. He hands over a rectangular box that Levi does not recognize. Giving the two curious glares, Levi grabs the box and stares down at the glossy lettering. His furrowed eyebrows straighten and his jaw slightly drops. “It’s been getting hard to contact you lately from that home phone. You never answer, so we all decided this would be a nice present. “

Levi gazes at the brand-new phone in his hands. Running his fingers across the casing, Levi wonders what to say. Thank you? You didn’t have to? What would be the right thing to say right now? He blinks. “What color is it?”

“Black. But we also got you a case. It’s baby blue, I think?”

“It’s perfect.” He breathes out when Erwin confirms the color. “Thank you. Really.” The two give him a smile. Hanji pats him on the back and watches Levi’s posture straightened. He gives them a deadly look.

“No problem, kiddo! You need a phone so I can spam you with dog videos!”

“I’m not a fucking kid.”

“You’re the youngest in the group, though!” They whine.

“By two years.”

“Let me be happy, Levi!”

His phone drops to the ground. Drippings of hot coffee spill onto his shirt. Levi’s eyes widen. He snatches his hand away and yelps at the burn on his hand. The plastic container falls to the ground. It splatters around ebony dress shoes.

“Shit, my bad!” Levi utters. He cuddles his hand and tries to relieve the burning pain.

“You’re fine. Are you alright? You were in a hurry there…” The stranger asks in concern. He bends down and grabs the phone off the ground. He holds it out. “You should be more careful.”

“Thanks.” The black-haired male seizes his phone and wipes the coffee remains on his pants. Levi glances up at the towering man and swallows building spit. Long, silky black hair. Fiery eyes – the color of fire, hotter than the blood coursing through his hand. Levi notices the suit he wears, as well at the soiled white shirt. “Fuck. Do I need to pay for that?” He blurts. The male laughs and waves a hand.

“No, I said it’s fine. It happens.” He stuffs his hand into his pocket. “Um, were you going to take the subway?” A spark flashes in Levi’s brain, and before he knows it, the large subway is announcing its departure. The doors click and it heads off faster than Levi can blink. His jaw slowly dropping, Levi drops his hands to his sides in defeat.

“Son of a bitch.” So much for making it to class. Levi shakes his head and swipes on his phone. He begins to type emails to his professors, letting them know he will either be late or not coming at all. As he does, Levi gives the stranger one last nod before walking away. “Again, sorry about that, but I have to go. Thanks for the hel –“

“Wait –“ The stranger snatches his hand holding the phone. Levi’s hand dangles. He watches the male’s hair swiftly move due to the subway’s fast movement. The stranger smiles and let’s go.

“Your name? Could I have your name?” Levi raises an eyebrow and fixes the messenger bag hanging on his shoulder. “Or your phone number, perhaps?”

“Levi.” He declines the second offer immediately. His assertiveness makes the stranger grin even more.

“My name is Roman. It’s nice to meet you, Levi.” The way he says his name – with a voice so smooth and lacking any ruggedness – makes Levi’s chest boil. “I’m guessing that phone number is not an option then?”

Levi had things to do. He had several projects to catch up on, as well as an essay and it’s _already_ twelve o’clock. He did not have time for flirtatious fuckers at the subway. However, Levi could not ignore the thumping in his chest. Licking his lips, Levi hands over his phone willingly and watches the stranger place his number in.

Whenever Levi thinks about the first time they met, he wonders what would have happened if he didn’t have a phone that day.

What if he declined and went about his way? What if he ignored the man’s call in the first place? Where would he be now, this very day?

It’s New Years Eve. Now twenty-six, Levi ponders what the next year holds for him.

Isabel encourages the family to go see fireworks at a nearby riverbank. Farlan brings his friends, who are loud and intolerable most of the time. But he was having fun, so that was all that mattered. Isabel makes friends easily with girls sitting at a picnic table. Kuchel sets up a blanket and chats with some neighborhood moms.

The fireworks sound like thunder. His gray eyes light up at every sparklingly blue, red, and yellow light. Levi shuffles his bottom on the bedrock near him and leans on his knees. Those flickers of fire light up the entire city. The river below it shimmers and shines. Levi, at this point, does not know which one is more beautiful.

It is twelve o’clock.

“You want to go home?”

Eren can read it on his face. He knows him so well that it’s scary.

Yeah, he does.

The fireworks are beautiful, so is the river – but it is not enough for Levi to feel some type of closure. A new year is not a new beginning. It is just another day. He still feels tied, knotted, and balled up. _Stuck_.

They watch the fireworks from the patio instead. The comfy couch Eren bought for his mother does wonders to his back. Levi rests his legs, that are tired from walking back home, atop a table and leans his head backward. Eren mimics his actions.

“I’ve never lit up fireworks before.” He whispers. Levi blinks.

“Me either.” He responds. “My dad was always worried we’d blow up our hands.” Eren stays silent when another booming firework hits the sky. They watch it – enamored. Eren licks his chapped lips for a few seconds and glances over at Levi. His pale face is illuminated by the sky and his eyes look like onyx gems. The necklace around his neck dims, but the abalone shell twinkles like it is doing witchcraft.

“I’m happy you’re here, Levi.” The bright-eyed male admits. Eren watches his face stay expressionless. Then, Levi lifts his head up from hanging off the couch and flutters his eyelashes at him. Eren disregards the wave of awe flooding his mind.

“Are you happy?” Levi looks away from him.

“I’m trying to be.”

“…what’s making you not?” The man Eren had undeniably fallen for closes his eyes.

“What comes after this?” He opens them. “I feel weird.” Levi rubs his fingertips. His silky locks fall and tickle his cheek. Eren wishes he had the guts to move it back, just so he could see his face once more.

“You move on.” Eren states. “It’s hard, I know that. But you can’t stay in the same chapter your whole life.” The sky darkens for a few minutes. Levi uses this moment to look up at Eren with certain invisibility.

“I really like you, Eren. Like –“ He pauses. “ – a lot.” Silence floats among them. Levi feels Eren tug a piece of his hair behind his ear. “Everything in this shit life has bad timing.” He shakes his head and lifts his legs off the table. He crosses them and leans forward. “It’s annoying.”

“You like me…like a friend? Or something else?”

“Don’t be stupid.”

“Right,” Eren laughs. “Sorry.”

“I’m not in love with you,” Levi admits. “But you make the road to it very fucking easy.”

“I am.” Levi raises an eyebrow. “In love with you, I mean.”

Like it’s written for a cliché rom-com movie, the fireworks screech into the sky and make Levi jump. He curses under his breath and runs a hand down his face. Eren grins at his shaken-up form and gently rubs his back. Levi pushes his arm away childishly.

“You _are_ stupid then. Good to know.”

“Stupid for you.”

“Shut up, Eren, _God_.”

“I want to try it with you.” Eren reaches down and grabs Levi’s palm. He smothers it in warmth and rubs his thumb along his knuckles. “I’ve probably liked you since summer. I’d love…to have a chance.” Levi peers down at their conjoined hands. He snatches their hands and places it in his lap. Levi opens Eren’s hand and writes scriptures on his palm.

“I want to show you how it feels.”

“I’m still married.”

“And I know you’re still in love with him, too.” Eren lifts his hand and gently grabs Levi’s jaw. Turning his head, he peers into Levi’s eyes. “I’m not dumb. But you deserve so, _so_ much better. If I had the money, I’d buy you a goddamn state, ya know? A whole ocean, if ya wanted.”

“Money isn’t everything.” Levi scoffs out. Eren grins at this and places his other hand on Levi’s side. His pull causes Levi’s body to turn into water.

“Yeah, some people just like the _touch_…” He guides the male into his lap and runs his hands up Levi’s toned back. With their faces so close together, Levi can see the smugness fulfilling Eren’s eyes. He lathers his tender hands up and down before looking up at Levi arrogantly. “Don’t you?” Eren lets his jaw fall slack as he suctions his mouth on his jaw. Levi lifts his neck instinctively and bites his lip.

Minutes of Eren nibbling on his neck pass. Sighing, Levi lays his head on Eren’s shoulder and arches his back. He looks into his eyes desperately. “You’re in love with me?” Eren pauses in his erotic touches and turns his head. “You’re not messing with me, are you?”

“You know how beautiful you are?” He sits up and brings Levi along with him. Levi rests his arms along his shoulders and slouches. Eren rests his hands on his waist and smiles. “I wouldn’t call it love at first sight, but the second I met you, I kinda knew I’d be catchin’ feelings…” Eren looks down at Levi’s wet lips. “I even made up this imaginary plan. I was gonna wear tight shirts and work my ass off till I sweat rivers. Then I’d wear my hair down. You’d have to fall for me then. Look too damn good.”

Levi gapes at him. Never mind that Eren’s so-called imaginary plan sort of worked. “You are an arrogant ass.” He blurts. Eren laughs and shakes his head.

“Am not. Jus’ wanted you so _bad_.” His words decline to a whisper, and not even a second later, his lips coalesce with Levi’s. Levi’s eyebrows scrunch up as he relaxes in his arms. The familiar technique – the way Eren suckles on his bottom lip and French kisses like crazy – drives Levi up the wall. Levi sighs into the kiss and tilts his head. He missed kisses. Specifically, Eren’s kisses, which felt like sex itself.

“I wanna go upstairs.” Levi slurs once they part. He licks his damp lips and tightens his legs around Eren’s waist. “You gonna carry me?” Eren huffs and grabs him under his thighs.

“Ya’ lucky I like you so much.”

“Thought it was love?”

“_Don’t_ get cocky.”

The first time they had sex – it was purely raw and sexual. The feelings were there, but neither were willing to admit it to themselves. So, what was sex supposed to be like when they confessed? When the emotions were exposed, ready to be touched and used? Levi deduces, mouth slack at how much of his body is now rippled with Eren’s kisses, that it feels unimaginable.

“Did you shave?” Levi asks when Eren tosses his shirt to the ground. Eren’s eyes widen. He lifts his armpit and runs his palm over the hairless area. Levi takes a moment to check Eren’s arm and legs, which are also shaved. “Wow.”

“You told me I was too hairy months ago. I took your advice.” Eren whines. “You’re makin’ me feel insecure. Stop that.”

“It’s fine.” Levi grabs his shoulders and pulls him over his own body. Levi spreads his legs and runs his hands along the soft skin. “I was joking, though. I didn’t mind the hair…” Eren raises an eyebrow and lifts his body up. He smirks.

“Are you the type that’s into those bear-like guys? Like, the dudes who have a whole lotta hair on their chest and shit?”

“Fuck off. I was trying to make you feel better. And no, I’m not. You sayin’ you grow hair on your chest?”

“Yeah.” Eren rubs his pecs. “I get it waxed. Not a fan of how it looks. You want me to grow it out? I’ll do it for you, babe.”

“I don’t have a hair fetish.”

“I’m not judgin’ you! Different kinks for different folks –“

“You want me to leave?” Eren chuckles into his neck and licks his ear lobe. He opts to not respond and instead lifts Levi’s thighs high enough to where their groins connect. As he grinds against him, Eren slowly unbuckles Levi’s jeans and tugs his briefs with them. Levi lifts his hips and watches Eren tug his clothing off.

Like Levi remembers, Eren enjoys foreplay. He also enjoys overstimulation to a certain degree. He claims it is a newfound kink of his, ever since discovering Levi is underhandedly sensitive. It takes him ten minutes of pleading for Eren to get to the _point_. He had already spent the majority of the time milking him, along with sucking Levi off at every turn. Levi loved it – yes, he loved it – but he didn’t want these to be one of those nights where Eren tested his stamina.

Besides, he doesn’t even think he can do that again. Being pushed to the edge is exciting, don’t get him wrong, but it wears Levi out like crazy. He is not used to having more than one orgasm in the same night. Hell, he hardly got _that_ with Roman.

“Ah –“ Eren tuts out. He towers over Levi’s form, casting a small shadow, and smiles at his flushed cheeks. He clenches Levi’s ankle and pushes it farther away. The action makes Levi squeeze around the two fingers deep inside him. Sighing, he collapses on his back, no longer supported by his elbows, and wiggles his hips. “Keep those legs open for me, yeah?” Eren huskily reminds him for the fourth time. Then he pistons those fingers faster, as if Levi would be able to handle it without some form of movement.

“M-Mhm, god, _fuck_.”

“That’s it,” He massages his hand down Levi’s thigh. “Moan for me, babe. You know I like it when you’re loud.” Levi tries not to let his eyes roll upward. Did Eren have to fucking talk so much? Eren’s sweet, raspy voice whispers to him more. “Feel so wet inside. You’re so damn gorgeous.” Eren bends down and kisses him. He swallows down his moans and rubs his fingers along his walls. “I missed seeing you like this. All under me, blushing and whining. I want to fuck you so bad right now.”

“Do it.” Levi breathes out. His fingernails claw at Eren’s biceps, feeling the pressure of his thick fingers and trying not to yell. He doesn’t even know if his family is home yet. “I want it.” Eren places one last kiss on his lips before slipping his fingers out his entrance. He takes off his briefs and grabs the _Aloe Vera_ container on the bed.

Like the tease Eren was born as, he casually rubs his cock against Levi’s hole teasingly. Every time Levi braces himself for the intrusion, the male would back off and let his dick glide against his entrance. Levi slaps his shoulder when he does it the third time. The slap echoes the room. “Stop fucking with me, you bastard!” He utters. Eren puckers his lip and makes a cage over Levi’s form.

“That hurt! You want it that bad?”

“Obviously. I’m under you, my legs spread and dick hard, aren’t I?” Eren shakes his head in disbelief and smiles. Levi watches his abalone eyes hue as he pushes inside. Their eyes stay connected until Eren bottoms out. Levi bites his lips and shifts his hips to adjust to the size. Instinctively, he digs his nails into Eren’s shoulders to direct his need to move somewhere else.

“Move.” He faintly whispers. Eren reaches down and pushes one of his thighs upward. “_Eren_ –“ He feels his cock hit deeper.

Eren’s hips take four careful thrusts before building up to a pound. The male beneath him closes his eyes and listens to his body. The feeling of Eren’s warm form against him, along with his distinctive scent and aura, makes Levi’s heart cry. He breathes heavy and presses his mouth against Eren’s. Their hot breath is heard whenever they part, and Eren stops kissing him for a few seconds to hear his sweet moans.

“You’re so _deep_.” He whispers in Eren’s ear. The bright-eyed male snaps his hips harder and ruthlessly hits his prostate. Levi jerks, mouth dropping and back arching.

“Mmm, E-Eren! Fuck!” His erotic moans continue, and all Eren can do is close his eyes and bask in the moment. “I-I can’t…I’m gonna cum, slow down –“ The wet sound of their connection makes Levi’s gut bubble. Eren pistons in and out, disregarding Levi’s plea.

“Cum for me, babe. Don’t worry – it’s not over.” Eren comforts. He watches Levi’s face slowly contort at the words. Reaching down, Eren jerks his erection quickly and ignores the scratches Levi makes along his back and shoulders. The shorter-male wraps his legs around Eren’s waist and arches his back. Eren sees his mouth opening for a loud scream, but he luckily catches it before Levi would embarrass himself.

Levi moans into his mouth and feels his legs shaking from his orgasm. Eren slows down and waits for his body to calm. “I didn’t want to cum yet, idiot.” He breathes out. His chest huffs up and down. Eren laughs at the sight and continues to slowly thrust.

“Wanna stay like this?” Eren questions. Levi looks down at their position and blinks. He wraps his pale arms around Eren’s neck and connects their chests. Eren feels Levi place his hands on his lower back. “Levi?”

“Yeah, keep going.” Levi tucks his face into Eren’s neck and gazes up at the ceiling. “I want to finish like this. We can do some crazy positions later.” The taller male hums and kneads his hands on Levi’s lower back. “Don’t stop till you’re done.” He adds. Eren lifts himself on his knees as a response. Eren finds solace in their locked position.

He hears Levi’s keens right next to his ear. All he can see is the cotton bedsheets, but he can feel _so_ many things. Besides Levi’s tight warmth, his heart is full and his mind is clear. The scratches on his back ache and burn, but Levi’s tender body soothes his wounds. He feels a familiar swelling in his groin, and it causes him to let out drawled groans.

“Ah, a-ah, Eren –“ Levi breaks out of his staccato moans and forms sensible words. “ – Don’t pull out, please_._“ Levi’s body scrunches up as he curls against Eren’s broad form. “It feels good. So g-goo -_oh my_ _god_!” If Levi ever complained about Eren’s mouth during sex, at least Eren had some blackmail to go off of. Smirking, Eren listens to Levi’s rare pleas and thrusts a final few times.

He pauses in his thrust as he releases inside. “Mm, _shit_, Levi.” Eren shutters. His cock jerks over and over, filling the shorter male with his cum. Eren breathes heavily into Levi’s neck before pulling away. Levi, with locks of hair falling over his face and cheeks flushed, glances down at their stained chests and frowns. Eren pulls out and sits back on his knees.

“Wanna take a bath?” Eren asks, reading Levi’s scriptured mind.

Their bath was nothing sexual. A worn-out Levi laid against Eren’s wet chest, who was running water through the shorter’s hair. Levi hums at the feeling of Eren running his fingers through his hair. When it stops, he opens his eyes and sees a bottle in front of his face.

“Look,” Eren begins. He wiggles a conditioner bottle in his hands. “I got some conditioner. The good kind.”

Levi’s wrinkled fingers grab the bottle and look at the brand. It is good, too.“Got matching shampoo.” The ebony-haired man turns around and hands the bottle back. “You not gonna say good job? I did this for you.” A squirt is heard throughout the bathroom. Eren applies the conditioner to his hair and massages his scalp. “I still have split ends, though.”

“You have to cut them.” Levi finds the energy to respond. Eren hums.

“Can you do it for me?” The shorter slouches his form stubbornly against Eren and grins when he tuts his lips. “_Hey_.”

“Maybe.” He utters. The bright-eyed male looks down at Levi’s fatigued body. He smiles endearingly and continues to run his fingers through his midnight hair.

“You look happier.” Says Eren. Deciding to let the conditioner set, he wraps his arms around Levi’s body and rests them on his chest. “I’m glad.” He presses his lips against his forehead. Levi wiggles his legs under the water. He stares at the porcelain walls. When Eren reaches down to lay a kiss on his neck, Levi turns his head and places a wet palm on his cheek. He kisses him – with no tongue, no grinding, no moaning - just a deep, soul-sucking kiss. He disconnects with a smooch-sound echoing.

“Thank you.” Levi mumbles. Eren nods and rests his forehead on Levi’s shoulder. The weight makes Levi feel calm. Lifting his hand, he scratches Eren’s damp, shaggy locks like a dog and hears Eren murmur.

“Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last chapter on Friday :(  
will be 11k words again though :)


	10. Ocean Jasper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He's my peace of mind.  
What a joy it is to be alive.
> 
> To get another chance.  
Every day's another chance  
To get it right this time."
> 
> \- I Gotta Find Peace of Mind, Lauryn Hill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just gonna say i'm sorry for adding more smut when i should be getting to the plot. i have a problem :'(  
either way, i hope the ending does not feel rushed. i genuinely do not think i would have written it any other way. this is a short story, so i expected to have a rather hasty ending.  
also, i do not know how the court system works. i used my brain and toothpick to figure it out. 
> 
> enjoy :)

_ocean jasper _

_let love _

_be the current you **flow** to_

Perhaps, January was the month where Levi felt his chapter had turned.

No one suspected that Eren and Levi had established a relationship. They acted like they always did around the others. It would be when the sunset and the cicadas singed that the two would indulge in less familial activities. Levi found himself sleeping downstairs on Eren’s squeaky air mattress, watching horror movies and filling his belly with salty popcorn (though Eren hated popcorn, so he would eat cheddar chips).

Their dates consisted of going out in Eren’s truck to department stores or the movies. If they would eat anywhere, it would be at comfy pub bars that sold delicious burgers or seafood. For some reason, Eren knew where all the good spots were. Otherwise, they are relatively the same around each other. Nothing has changed, other than the fact they can touch each other more intimately.

It feels like he has fallen in love with his best friend. That’s the only way Levi could describe the complexities of their relationship. Yet, despite his evident emotions, Levi is still reluctant to claim the word.

Saying he is in love with Eren is like saying his entire marriage with Roman was a farce. It worries Levi that he could move on so quickly.

Because even though the year is new and the weather is changing, Levi lacks closure.

Eren can sense this, as if Levi’s feelings radiate like the sun. It is why he lathers Levi with affection nonstop. He is not understanding that it makes the black-haired male even more stuck.

There are weights Levi can drop off, and weights he has to carry his entire life. Roman is _definitely_ one of them.

That being said, Roman’s voicemails stopped coming in after New Year’s. There is a faint thought that perhaps he moved on. Then Levi remembers that men like Roman do not simply _move on_.

They chase – like a wolf after limping prey.

Sleeping downstairs in the living room with Eren, Levi deduces, was a bad idea. Don’t get him wrong, the air mattress is comfy and it’s nice to be away from a guest room that holds many painful memories. Eren has collected a massive number of pillows and blankets, so when they sleep together, they get lost in the barricade. Simply put, Levi would take the air mattress over the bed upstairs any day.

But the living room is public. Only a few feet away from the kitchen, which is the first area Kuchel, Isabel, or Farlan would walk into if they came downstairs for a night’s drink. Levi thinks of hanging a sheet to block off the entrance but realizes it would raise suspicions. He did not exactly want his mother to know about them yet.

Eren is twenty-four. Two years younger than Levi now, but in his age-range. Yet, he has the sex drive of a teenager. Levi can honestly say this all he wants, but he is not going to lie.

He sort-of came onto Eren first. So, he guesses Eren can blame it all on him that Isabel caught them that night.

“Why do you play this shit?”

Levi asks Eren, boredom seeping through his body. His eyes are lit up by Eren’s phone, showcasing a rather complicated game that the male enjoyed playing in his free time. Levi rubs his cheeks against his naked shoulder and glances at Eren’s focused face. “Never saw you as the video game type.”

“I’m not, but Farlan got me into this. It’s actually fun as hell.” Eren whispers. He taps his fingernail against the phone. “Look, I made this cool ass house and everythin’.” He fiddles with the controls and shows Levi the pixelated home. Levi hums in response. “Imma make an upstairs next. Then imma make a farm with a whole bunch of donkeys. S’ gonna be crisp, ya hear me?”

At this point, the male is talking to himself.

Levi rolls his eyes and lifts his leg under the covers. He glides his feet along Eren’s calf. All Levi can hear is the sound of his phone making animated noises. Shuffling, Levi places his hand on Eren’s naked torso and rubs fingers along his navel. “Aye,” He hears Eren mutter. “Can’t you see I’m busy?”

“With your imaginary farm? Yeah, I guess.” Eren scoffs and sways his head. He continues to fiddle with his phone. Levi huffs and digs his hand completely into Eren’s underwear. With a startled jump, Eren squints his eyes at the other and ceases in his game.

“What you want?”

“Is it not obvious enough?” Eren turns the phone off. A soft click echoes the room. He tosses the phone onto the other side of the bed and gestures Levi’s intruding hand.

“You mind?” Levi raises an eyebrow and digs deeper. He reaches Eren’s flaccid erection and grips it tightly. The action makes Eren widen his arms and gaze down. “What you wanna do?” He questions as he pulls his boxers down halfway. Levi lifts himself upward and pushes his hair behind his ear. He shrugs. “Sit on my chest.” Eren wiggles his finger.

“What?” Levi ceases the stroking he did absentmindedly. “Why?” Just to be a little shit, Levi feigns annoyance and furrows his eyebrows.

“Gonna do a lil’ six-nine, what you mean ‘_what_?’” Eren mocks his voice. He snatches the other by the waist and leans him closer to his torso. “Get on.” Levi decides to ignore his mocking and climbs backward onto Eren’s chest. The air mattress squeaks and screams with their movement. “Don’t _doubt_ me, babe, I always know what you want.” He glides his rugged palms up Levi’s back and stops to squeeze his cheeks. “Before you even know it.”

“If you say so,” Levi teases. He spreads his legs when he feels Eren tugging down his sweatpants. His pants slide off in the next second, and sex-inducing fumes fill in the air. It is Levi’s first time doing something like this (as most of his sexual experiences with Eren are), so it is not a surprise that he cannot focus when the sensations hit him.

His fingers dig into Eren’s clothed thighs. Bending down, Levi tries to adjust to the feeling of the male's tongue dancing on his taint. Once Eren sticks to a rhythm, Levi breathes shakily and takes his leaking erection into his mouth. His tongue circles the bulbous head and swallows the pre-cum emitting. His right-hand strokes the thick length and smothers saliva on all inches. Levi takes his mouth off and takes a deep breath. Holding Eren’s cock lazily, Levi thrust his body back and forth to the fingers inside him.

“_Mhh_…” He moans. The room is dark enough to make their forms close to invisible. All they go off on is touch and sound. Honestly speaking, Levi thinks sex is better that way. Being able to close his eyes and focus on all touch is an exhilarating feeling. But he also cannot deny that he enjoys seeing Eren’s form on top of him, biceps flexing and forehead sweating, as he fucks with no abandon.

Levi taps back into reality and continues making love to Eren’s cock. He relaxes his throat and swallows. The wet, noisy suction fill the entire room. Levi ignores his sweaty locks of hair falling over his face and bounces his head up and down. He is so invested in the process that he dismisses the familiar sound of footsteps running up the stairs.

“Shit, Levi, wait –“ Separating from glistening cock in his hands. Levi turns around to look at Eren with a dazed face. Eren, lips rosy red and wet, looks away from him. “I think we technically just got caught…” Levi raises himself up and sits on Eren’s chest.

“Whadayu’ mean?” He slurs, still hazy from the intense pleasure he was experiencing. “Wait, who? Did they see us?” Levi briefly wonders if it was his mother. Then he shakes his head no, because if it was, his mother would have _definitely_ interfered. She is not the shy type, and if she told Farlan and Isabel they couldn’t have sex in the house, she damn sure applied that to Levi. Levi runs a hand down his face and tries to remember he is an adult. The whole situation has him feeling like a teenager again!

“Nah, probably heard you. You aren’t exactly quiet.”

“Then why the fuck didn’t you tell me to shut up?”

“What am I gonna do?” Eren whispers. “If a dick doesn’t shut you up, I’m sure nothing else will!”

“What about you?” Levi situates himself in front of Eren. “_You_ can’t be more quiet?” He pushes his shoulder into the air mattress and fixes his t-shirt over his hardened erection.

“I can’t _believe_ you’re arguing with me about this.” Eren rolls his eyes and places his hands over of Levi’s ass. “Look, are we finishing or not? If you’d like, we can go out to the truck so you can yell all you want.” Levi pauses and contemplates the decision. After a few seconds of deliberation, he decides he is way too horny to stop now and that the truck may not be that bad of a choice. It heats up quickly too.

“Fine.” The shorter male snatches his sweatpants off the floor and bounces off the air mattress. “Come on, then, ass-eater.” Eren grabs his car keys off the floor and tugs up his boxers. He gives one last glare to Levi, something that sends a shiver down his back, and follows Levi’s grinning form.

It isn’t hard to decipher that Isabel was the one who walked in on them. From the way she blushes when she sees the two the next morning and squeaks a goodbye on her way to school, Eren and Levi had already determined that she was their victim. It makes Levi want to yell in frustration. It _had_ to be Isabel. It couldn’t have been Farlan, who would have taken the news rather calmly. But _Isabel_. She’d be blabbering her mouth on and on about it in the next week.

“Architecture project. Yep, I said it.” Farlan repeats. He swallows down some spaghetti Kuchel had made and ignores the way it sprinkles on his school uniform. The blond drops his bookbag near the living room couch and shakes his head disapprovingly.

“An Architecture project. What the fuck do I know about architecture?” He whispers the last sentence to the wonder duo on the couch.

Eren nods his head like he completely understands where Farlan is coming from. He nibbles on some chocolate ice cream in a glass bowl. Levi sits beside him, enjoying his own strawberry flavored ice cream, and becoming entertained at his brother’s exasperated form.

Farlan regularly complains when he comes back from school. It’s a hobby of his.

“So, I need your help.” Farlan points his metal fork at Eren and cocks his hip. “You build stuff, right?” Eren coughs and punches his fist against his chest. Farlan ignores the response and chews his pasta.

“Um –“ Eren begins. “ – yeah? But not a whole _building_.”

“That’s fine! It’s supposed to test my creativity.” The blond waves his hand and walks around the room absentmindedly. “I need your help on the type of shit to get, you know? I know I’m supposed to know this stuff, but I’ve always been the video games type of guy. I don’t like wood and glue guns and nails.” Farlan shakes his head in disgust and sets his food down on the living room table. “Can you help? Mom and I are heading out to get some supplies in a few minutes.”

“I guess?” Eren taps his spoon against the glass bowl. “What are you thinking about doing?” Farlan rants on and on about his ideas. Eren gets lost in most of his explaining, and figures he will guide the teen into something more efficient once they have the supplies needed. Nonetheless, Farlan shares his opinion nonstop and becomes so much of a blabbermouth that Levi wants to cry in relief when Kuchel comes downstairs.

“Ready to go?” She asks with a beaming smile. Kuchel wiggles the keys in her hand and waves her hand at Eren. “Come on, now, I don’t got all day!” A deep sigh emits from Eren, making Kuchel pinch his ear, as he grabs his jacket to leave. “Isabel is up in her room. Tell her she needs to have the dishes done by tonight.”

“I’ll do them.” Levi instinctively tells her. Kuchel squints her eye at him. “Oh, yeah, never mind. Yep. I’ll tell her.” Kuchel hums, evidently pleased, and opens the front door to the house. _‘Isabel needs to be more responsible,’_ Mom tells him. _‘She needs to be more independent._’ Levi swallows the last bit of ice cream and gets up to place the bowl in the sink.

The same stuff she said to him growing up. Nothing new. Hopefully, Isabel would take Mom’s advice.

The smaller male spends his alone time fiddling with his phone. He ignores texts from Hanji about whether he finished his job application, and responds to pictures Petra sends him on her growing belly. In the middle of scrolling through their ‘group-chat’ (honestly, Levi contemplates if any of them are truly adults at this point), he hears footsteps coming downstairs.

“Hey.” He sees Isabel standing before him, wearing blue jeans and skimp cami-top. She scratches her cheek. “They’re not back yet?”

“No.” Levi responds. “Mom told you to do the dishes. Why are you dressed like that?” He gestures her outfit and watches her face contort. Scowling, Isabel walks over to the kitchen sink, ponytail swinging, and turns on the faucet. “Going somewhere?”

“Yeah, in a few minutes.” The red-haired girl cocks her hip as she searches for an apron. When she finds, it she places it on and continues to wash the dishes. “Going out with my boyfriend.”

“Where?”

“None of your business.”

“Rude.”

“…Why didn’t you tell me you and Eren are together?”

_‘There it is.’_ Levi stiffens from his position and tries to avert his attention to his phone. Isabel turns off the water. She walks into the living room. She crosses her arms. “I knew he liked you, but what the _fuck_? And you really need to be more discrete! I did not need to walk into that!” Her cheeks flush. “I just wanted some damn water!”

“What, should I put a sock on the door next time?”

“You have a whole guest room!”

“Alright –“ Levi tosses his phone onto the couch. “You’re right. My bad, okay? Let’s act like it never happened! He was massaging my feet or something.”

“_Levi!_”

“What!” He is not necessarily used to Isabel calling him by his first name. “I don’t know how to handle this! I’ve never been caught before!”

“You’re so embarrassing,” Isabel shakes her head and tries to hide her reddened cheeks. “I can’t believe you’re my brother. I can’t.” The red-haired girl wipes a hand down her face and sighs deeply. “Alright, I’m burning sage tonight so I can purify this entire fucking room. Also –“ She peers over. “- does anyone else know?”

“Hell no.” Levi scoffs. “As if I need Mom to get into my business anymore.”

“What do you mean?” Isabel wipes her damp hands onto her apron and walks more into the living room. “Is it because you’re…cheating, I guess?”

Levi’s eyes fire up at Isabel.

Her eyebrows are cocked and lips are puckered. She snorts and uncrosses her arms. “Any other situation I’d probably chew you out but…I’ve been waiting for you to break it off with Roman _forever_.” She laughs. “I never liked him. He gave me weird vibes.”

The way she says his name, is like how she said it during the summertime. A distinct flavor of hatred, but not enough to be lethal. Her voice makes Levi straighten and analyze her awkward movements. Swallowing a growing lump, Levi orders his mouth to move. “Izzy, um,” His lips stitch together before reopening again. “Do you know why I’m here?” It fades into a whisper.

Isabel places her hands on her hips. Her expression falls. “Not really? Mom told us you were taking a break from Roman. Said you got jumped while walking home. They took your luggage and stuff. You were letting the police handle it. I don’t know if it was a lie or not but, uh, she told us not to bring it up.” She shuffles on her long legs. “Said you were mad about the whole situation.” Levi blinks endlessly.

“Oh.” He mutters. Of course, his mother would not tell them the truth. She didn’t want him to become an example. She wanted him to stay pure in their minds, as their _‘Big Brother.’ _Levi forces a weak smile and rubs his left eye absentmindedly. He guesses he wasn’t the best example back then. Beaten black and blue, back hunched over, and stomach still bubbling from swallowing pain pills.

Yeah. They don’t need to know. Let them believe their brother fought tooth and nail against a gang of hoodlums. He came out alive, but showing battle scars.

It was much better than telling them he has been getting battered for the past six months – by one person. The person he had a wedding with, in a wonderful church, where he cried out his vows and eaten velvet cake. The person he swore he’d love all eternity. Let them believe the lies.

Let them make up this fantasy, just like he did.

“Big Bro?” Her dainty hand touches his shoulder. Levi flinches at the touch and lets out a deep breath. “You okay?” She asks. The male instantly nods his head and sits back against the couch. “I know this is going to sound ignorant, but you look paler than usual.” Levi scoffs and removes her hand that she rested on his forehead.

“I’m good. Go finish the dishes so you can go out.”

“Actually…I might cancel.” Isabel fiddles with the short-top and covers her exposed belly. “Don’t think I’m ready to wear things like this out yet.”

“Then change?”

“No,” She shakes her head. “I’ll cancel. You want to watch a horror movie? I hear they have some good ones that just came out.” Levi watches her back up slowly. He wants to tell her to please, _go_. He needs time alone to think – but then he remembers that time alone is not necessarily good for him anymore. That luxury had long been ruined. Levi lets out an exasperated breath and grabs the television remote near him.

“Fine. Don’t blame me when your boyfriend breaks up with you.”

“He won’t. I’m a good catch, after all!” She laughs as she runs upstairs.

They watch a terribly made horror film, full of all the clichés and unrealistic deaths. Isabel rolls her eyes at some scenes, evidently used to watching these sorts of shows with Levi, and laughs at unnecessary sex scenes. Levi makes them peppermint tea and popcorn. They get halfway through the movie before Isabel decides she wants to start speaking again.

“So…” She begins. Levi glances over. “Eren, huh?” He resists the urge to roll his eyes at her suggestive tone. “Can’t say I’m terribly mad. Though I did not expect it at _all_.”

“Why? You were the one who rooted for us that one time.”

“I was joking.” She waves her hand dismissively. “I dunno. I thought he’d give up. S’what I get for assuming, I guess.” His little sister reaches down and fiddles with her pajama pant’s strings. “Are you serious about him? You’re not stringing him along, are you?”

“Aren’t you supposed to be asking him that?” Levi scratches behind his ear. “You’re _my_ sister.”

“I worry about him a lot.” Isabel scrunches up her eyebrow and sits up on the couch. The television becomes the only background music to their conversation. “He doesn’t have a family. No friends. Just walks around the neighborhood, like a stray dog, looking for some place to feel at home at. He’ll never admit it but I think he feels real…lonely sometimes.”

_‘He does,’_ Levi wants to say. _‘But he is more like a stray puppy.’_ Flashes of Eren’s amazing smile, shaggy hair, and endless need to cuddle starts. “Yeah.” Levi hums. “He deals with it in his own ways.” Him cooking, cleaning, taking Levi out on dates, watching movies till the sun rises, buying Kuchel materials – everything Eren does, he does to feel _wanted_.

He does not do these things for himself.

It is an issue Eren needs to work on. But Levi has a lot of issues himself, so who is he to judge? As time grows wider than the clock, they could help each other. That is the essence of a relationship – isn’t it? A healthy one, anyway.

“Don’t we all…” She whispers. “I need to go charge my phone. I’ll be right back.” In an abrupt way, Isabel slides her feet off the couch and walks barefooted upstairs. Levi watches her slyly and pops some popcorn in his mouth. He pauses the movie and shuffles his treats to subdue the silence. He hears her footsteps upstairs, stomping and pausing. Sighing, the male snatches his phone off the nightstand and provides entertainment for himself.

**Four-Eyes**

_did y’all know some pugs’ eyes can pop out? they are so big that they can’t contain it. _

**Meek-Eh**

_@Ervin no because eucalyptus is good for anti-inflammatories. Try tea tree oil. _

**Peet**

_okay so what do you do when their eye pops out. I’m confused._

**Ervin**

_But I heard eucalyptus is best for it. Are you lying to me again? What about rosemary? _

**Meek-Eh**

_Who works at an aromatherapy shop here?_

**Four-Eyes**

_Stick that sucker back in!_

**Peet**

_I use lavender oil in the bath. What do you guys use?_

**Meek-Eh**

_Ew, you take baths?_

**Ervin**

_Baths are better than showers. They save a lot of water and are more environmentally friendly. _

**Four-Eyes**

_Wow what a true geologist. I put turmeric. Sooo good for sore legs._

** _Peet_ **

_That has nothing to do with nothing. Also, good choice. It stains so much tho._

**Grumpy**

_Peppermint oil._

_(2) tea tree is good for rosacea. _

**Ervin**

_Seriously? Alright it better work then. _

**Meek-Eh**

_I told you!_

**Four-Eyes**

_Levi! How I missed seeing your mean-mug in your icon._

**Grumpy**

_Shut up_

_(2) turmeric in the bath is too much. It stains my shirts._

**Peet**

_Then don’t wear a shirt ; )_

**Four-Eyes**

_I agree with this statement._

**Ervin**

_What even is skin care I don’t know about any of this millennial shit_

**Grumpy**

_Get Aloe Vera too._

**Meek-Eh**

_You know a lot about this?_

**Grumpy**

_I’ll want payment for my help. _

**Ervin**

_CashApp?_

** _Grumpy_ **

_That’ll work. _

**Four-Eyes**

_Let’s talk about English language: what is the difference between effect and affect. I keep forgetting._

Erwin jokingly sends him fifty cents as a thank you. Responding with a middle finger emoji, Levi chuckles to himself and types out a response to Hanji. He types a short sentence explaining the difference between the two, while also calling Hanji an idiot for having their doctorate. Hanji replies with a meme, which Erwin and Petra laugh at, and Levi wonders how he got caught up with middle-aged children.

A soft knock, small enough to sound like a kitten’s paw, picks up in Levi’s ear.

The male glances up from his phone and peers into the kitchen. Isabel is still upstairs. Levi untucks his leg from under his bottom and stretches his body. His bones crack and ache. Fixing the sock hanging off his heel, Levi walks up to the front door and unlocks it.

The way the sunlight hits him, with its devilish way of contouring his nose and cheeks, makes Levi want to gasp. Nature cuts off his hair into a choppy style and tans his skin slightly. Even those red eyes, the one’s Levi could never forget, forge into cocoa-brown.

Levi could have sworn, just for a second, that his father was at the front door. A taller version of him, but his blood nonetheless.

But it isn’t.

His head blocks the sun, and all figments vanish and show reality. Any glimmer of comfort bleeds away. Levi shakes his head and contemplates if he is _seeing_ things.

He first saw his father, and now…?

“I know I don’t look the greatest right now, Levi.” He flexes his fingers around the duffle bag hanging from his shoulder. “But you don’t have to stare at me like that.”

Roman Mallory forcefully steps into his mother’s house, dressed in a dingy t-shirt and sweatpants. He drops his duffle bag to the ground. It falls with a heavy thud.

“Close the door.”

Reluctantly, Levi shuts it. He stares at the pristine white door before turning around. It is then Levi notices the plastic container Roman holds against his side. The living room smells like coffee. Smiling, Roman gestures the drinks in his hand and cocks his head. “Let’s go to the kitchen.”

He hasn’t said a word. Levi watches Roman place the drinks on the table and hold out the beverage. “Here.” Levi stares at it. He does not move, nor does his acknowledge any response to him. Roman calms the boiling occurring in his abdomen and softly places the coffee onto the table.

“Sorry, I’m late. A lot of issues happened. I had to stay overtime for work and then _many_ flights got delayed. It’s why I look like this. Didn’t expect it to take a whole month to get here but…” He smiles. “It happens.”

The shorter male keeps his distance from Roman. He stands against the kitchen wall, gazing at Roman’s form near the screen doors. Roman rubs his hands together and cracks his knuckles absentmindedly. “Are you going to speak or just stand there like a fucking degenerate?”

“Why are you here?” Levi questions.

“You _know_ why I’m here.” The long-haired man grabs a wooden chair and pulls it with him as he walks toward Levi. Levi glances down at it, wondering why he would snatch it as if it were a _weapon_. “For you. I’ll spare you the small talk and advise you to take your happy ass outside. We have a taxi waiting.”

“I’m not leaving –“ With a deep-seated exasperation, Roman slams the wooden chair in the table. They clash against each other and the table slides against the floor with ease. He throws the chair to the side and strolls toward the shorter male.

“Don’t –“ He pauses. He takes a deep breath. “ - _fuck_ with me right now. I’m not in the mood.” Levi’s head turns toward the mess Roman already made. He crosses his arms and tries to glare. Tries to convey to Roman that he hates him and that he wants him to leave. Tries to hide the fear, not of Roman, but the fear that this might be the closure he desired.

“I don’t want to.”

“I don’t want to hear this bullshit right now, Levi!” His red eyes roll and he bobs his head. “I came at the perfect time. Nobody is here. You can write a stupid fucking note and call it a day. Honestly, I’m going to start counting numbers in my head, and if you aren’t out that fucking door by ten – I’m dragging you out.” Roman backs away and snatches a coffee container off the table.

“Move!” He barks.

Levi glues his feet to the ground. The urge is there. The yearn to mend their flaws and work through it is clawing at him. Yet, with all the toxic thoughts crowding his mind, he can feel himself grounded. Maybe it is his will, maybe it is his perseverance, or maybe it is the necklace that feels heavy again.

The lack of disobedience triggers Roman immensely. He holds the coffee to his lips and strolls up to Levi. Now face to face, he looks down at the male and watches Levi’s determined eyes burn. Roman holds the coffee to his chest and glares.

“You want a divorce?”

“Yes.” Levi confidently says.

“You don’t want me?”

“I don’t.” It pains him that the words sound so right coming out his mouth.

“What did I do?” The midnight-haired man sighs shakily and clenches the plastic container. “I _love_ you. I came here for you. I let you stay here. You know how lonely I was in that house? But I did it for you. Now you want to tell me that I have to live like that _forever_?” He chuckles dryly. “You must be crazy. Is this…is this about the hitting?”

Levi’s breath hitches. He looks away from Roman, whose crimson eyes are beginning to water. The older man wipes them immediately and straightens his posture. He clears his throat.

“You know I can stop. I’ve done it before. Please, baby. I’ll do anything. What do you want? I’ll get you anything. Just tell me.” His quivering voice makes Levi’s gut churn. Levi stares at Roman’s chest to avoid his bloodshot eyes.

“The ocean.” He whispers to his ex-husband. Roman’s eyebrows raise.

“What?”

“Get me the ocean.” Licking his lips, the older man lets his hands fall to the side. Levi analyzes his new posture and wonders how he will respond. Reassurance? Saying _‘Yes, I can baby. Anything for you’_? What response would he come up this time?

If it were Eren, he’d laugh and say _‘but I’m right here?’_

The coffee is _hot_. So hot Levi can practically feel his skin peeling off. Shouting, Levi pushes Roman roughly away. He watches the plastic container fall to the ground as waterfalls of boiling coffee soak down his chest. Roman runs up again and grabs Levi by his shirt.

“You think this is a game!?” His knuckles dig into his collarbone. Reaching up, Levi tries to softly clench Roman’s hands to ease his anger. “I’m trying to love you and you keep fucking with me! I’m not joking right now!”

“Let go.” Levi groans out. His back slides up the wall as Roman lifts his body up higher.

“I should kill you right now. How would your family feel, coming home to nothing but a dead body? Huh? Since you think my love is so _funny_ –“ He drops Levi down and backs away. Roman watches Levi’s eyes contort into something familiar. Scowling, he balls his fist up. “Don’t look at me like that.” The shorter male glowers with mysterious intent.

“Like what?”

“Like you’re going to hit me.” Levi breathes out a sigh and looks away from him. How many times has Roman said that to him? Levi bounces his body off the wall and contemplates his next move. Should he call the police? Should he lead Roman on and run at the last minute?

As he thinks, he does not have time to process the veiny fist raising and bursting against his jaw. His head cocks to the side and spit falls on his chin.

His hand covers his mouth. Blood travels around his tongue and every swallow taste like iron. Eyes widening, Levi narrows down at his hand that is covered in vermillion. Roman snatches his neck and raises his fist again. It is so quick that Levi almost does not have time to react. He blocks the next one with his arm and pushes his ex-husband again.

“Get the fuck _out_!”

The back of his knees bend, and he almost falls over the kitchen table. Roman regains his posture after several attempts and looks at Levi with utter shock. His own hand covers his mouth, and his long hair his starting to get overly tangled.

“Did you…” He mutters from under his hand. He slouches and peers down at his palm. “…just _hit_ me?” Levi’s eyebrows scrunch up.

His knuckles throb. A speckle of salvia, now mixed with blood, is distinctive on his ring finger. Levi stares down at his knuckles and tries to remember when he got a hit in. He pushed Roman away, didn’t he? He didn’t hit him. Levi opens his hand and gapes at his ex-husband.

“Alright,” Roman’s emotionless voice seeps through the silence. “You want to fight then?” He throws up his hands mockingly. “You’re a fucking joke! I can’t believe I wasted nine years -” He scoffs. “ – _nine_ years on your worthless ass! Now here you are, trying to be some type of _soldier_, and hitting me!” His hands fall to his side. “You want to fight? Come on then. It’s nothing new. You’ll _always_ look the same – useless. Worthless. _Always_.” He utters the last word viciously.

“Hit me.” Roman repeats. He wipes the blood dripping from his mouth with his thumb. “Do it again. I dare you.” His fists ache. The black-haired man rubs his own knuckles and stares down at his hands. Roman’s heavy breathing filters through the room. He chuckles.

“Thought so.” Instantly, his ex-husband snatches his shirt and pulls him forward. “I _thought_ so, fucking –“

He surges all his vexation into a loud slap against his cheek. Levi’s body stumbles to the right, somewhat familiar with the feeling, but Roman’s rough fingers grab him again. His back collides with the wall before he can feel the next assault. Raising his arms, Levi tries to block the pelting attacks and lets his body become a ragdoll.

Slammed against the wall. Kicked to the ground. Levi feels his form curling in, wanting to protect itself from the hurling attacks that he fears retaliating. Roman’s fist, one that uncurled into a softened palm that used to hold him gently at night, rocks boulders into his forearms. Some slip through, properly striking him in the face, and others are stopped. In frustration, his ex-husband grabs his arm and starts to twist it.

“_What are you doing!? Get off him!_” His hidden cove is open. Levi can hear the yells of his sister. His eyes widen and he relaxes his body. Roman takes advantage of this, dragging the smaller across the floor and slamming him into the kitchen table. Levi uses his arms to lift himself and ignores the throbbing in his entire body.

“Stay back, you stupid bitch.” Roman’s teeth grind together. He pushes a kitchen chair out his way and points to Isabel. She stands at the bottom of the stairs, cellphone in her hand and eyes widened. She stares at her older brother’s twitching form. “This has nothing to do with you. Mind your fucking business.”

“You’re _crazy_.” Levi hears her whisper. The fear in her voice, the slight shakiness, and edge gives him all the more reason to stand up. “Oh my god! Levi!” Her feet move forward.

“Didn’t I tell you to mind your business!?” The long-haired man pushes her roughly. She stumbles into the table and looks at him in shock. She leans forward off the table and stares right into Roman’s crimson eyes. He glares down at her dauntingly. “What? Think I won’t hit you too? Get the fuck out of here, cunt –“

_“_ _Be safe. Keep your mother safe…and everyone you love safe.”_

Levi can tell anyone how it feels. How it feels to fight back. It is not exhilarating as everyone puts it. There is no adrenaline rush, nor any excitement.

The only emotion Levi can feel as he raises fists against his own husband is sadness.

Complete, utter sadness.

Sad that life had to play him these cards, and he had to pick out the best number. Grief that in the end, Levi was forced to fight back. He never wanted to hurt Roman – _ever_. No matter how many times the urge came, his gut told him not to.

Levi felt if he responded physically, everything would end. And Levi cannot keep going knowing he beat someone he loved.

Luckily, he blacks out, so his emotions are unreliable at the moment. One second he wants to cry, knowing the blood flowing down Roman’s forehead is from his wedding ring, and the next he wants to scream, knowing that same wedding ring is enacting a sort of vengeance. He hears Isabel yelling, telling him to stop, screaming that she called the police, and that she is _scared_.

There is an orchestra of noises.

Breaking glass, shouting, slamming, beeping. His ears are ringing. Levi breathes heavily and tries to focus. His vision is getting foggy. Anxiety rising, Levi slams his fist into the nearest area when he cannot focus anymore. “Stop! Calm down! Please, Levi, chill out!” A soothing voice echoes in his ear. Levi feels his body tumbling down. “Shh, it’s alright, jus’ chill out, okay?”

“Separate them.” Someone says. Levi scrunches his eyebrows. “Take him outside! _Now!_” The voice booms. Gaining the strength to open his eyes, Levi looks behind him to see bright greenish-blue eyes gazing at him. He twitches, feeling Eren’s hands on his biceps, and looks up at the scene above him.

A police officer peers down at him. His keys jingle as he walks toward them. “Stay here. We are separating both individuals. No moving unless we say otherwise. Clear?” He does not give them a chance to respond. Levi pushes himself off Eren’s torso and gazes at the chaos around him.

Frames that were hanging on the wall are fallen and cracked. The kitchen table is pressed against the screen door, indenting it with a crack. Glass is littered on the ground. Utensils, plates, bowls that were drying on the counter are now splattered on the floor. He loses his breath.

“Kuchel and Farlan were held back,” Eren utters to him after a few seconds. “I got in just by a hair. They might take their anger on me out on you. S’ okay though. Can you stand?”

Eren lifts his leg and gathers himself. Levi follows the lead and stumbles unexpectedly. Three officers conversing glance over. Ignoring their glares, Eren snatches a chair off the floor and sets it down properly. He urges Levi to sit.

Eren is calm.

He does not scream at him. Not like before. Doesn’t yell or question him too much. He gives Levi a hug and a place to sit. He makes him a cup of water and wipes his bruised knuckles. “…I’m sorry.” Eren whispers. He had grabbed a wet paper towel and was currently wiping blood from his nose. “I should have been here.” Levi scrunches up his eyebrows and moves Eren’s hand away from him.

“Don’t say it like that.” He mutters. “Like I need your help.”

“I’m not.” Eren squats on his knees and rips another paper towel off. “I just wanted to put my two cents in too, you know?” He tries to smile. Levi hums and lets the cold towel clean off his face. “…Are you okay? A lot is fucking happening right now and…I wanna know that you’re good.” His palm slides down the curvature of his neck. Licking his cut lip, Levi sways his head left and right.

“I’m not.” He confesses.

His hands are _throbbing_.

“I’m not.” In response, Eren connects their chests and embraces him. He utters pacifying words and rubs along his spine. Levi clenches his eyes closed and prevents any tears threatening to appear. Raising his arms, he lays them on Eren’s back and inhales his woody scent.

Isabel labeled the situation over the phone as _‘domestic violence.’_ In overhearing her statement to the police, Levi learns she heard them way before the fighting occurred. She instantly called the police when Roman threatened him and waited at the bottom of the steps. She did not interfere purely out of shock. The police tell her it is good she did not interfere, saying that her safety was top priority.

It does not make her feel better. Levi can see it in her face when they escort her out the house. She gives him a grim smile and is ushered out.

They put handcuffs on Levi the minute she leaves. With the way Eren’s stance straightens and his arms meet the waist, the police officer decides to speak up quickly. “As far as we are concerned, we have no definite victim, though we are leaning towards the one outside. We need to bring him in for questioning.” The click of the handcuffs solidifies everything.

Eren steps forward.

“The fuck do you mean ‘victim’?” The bright-eyed male waves his hands. “Wait, wait, wait, unless I’m crazy, y’all are really finna say he is…?” Eren scoffs. “Hell no. _Hell_ no. I’m not ‘bout to –“

“Sir, we will discuss this during questioning.”

“_Yo_,” The way Eren grins makes Levi want to chuckle. He steps in front of Levi, guard up and face showing irritation – no matter the smirk on his face. “He’s not goin’ nowhere, I _promise_ you that. I don’t give a fuck whether ya got one, two, three –“ He gestures the officers outside. “ – thirty of ’em, he not leavin’ unless they both got on cuffs. “ He widens his hands and clasps them afterward. “And that’s it.”

Levi watches the officer’s face contort as he hangs his fingers on his belt. He tuts his lips and shakes his head. He sneers under his breath. “Jesus fucking Christ. You’re one of _those_.” The disgust on the officer’s tongue is potent. Levi clenches his sore fist in the cuffs. The blood rushes into them once more.

“The fuck does it matter?” Eren grinds his teeth. “’Stead of wonderin’ about me why don’t you let ‘em know he not goin’ alone.” The police officer hums to himself and speaks into his shoulder. Eren looks off to the side and attempts to ignore the side-eye Levi gives him. The officer ceases speaking to his partner and shuffles his belt. “Well?”

“He’s arrested. Any more hostility will get you thrown in jail, sir. Step aside, _now_.” Despite the pregnant pause, Eren moves his body and Levi steps forward. They look at each other briefly.

Solemnly, Levi wants to say sorry. But somehow, with Eren’s comforting smile and encouraging dimples, Levi thinks he already knew that.

Seventy-two hours.

He gets seventy-two hours to get his fucking life together.

Not only that, but Roman is getting treated like the victim - the fucking _victim_. All because he had a few more physical wounds. Levi scoffs and rubs his forehead in irritation. He itches his arm in the uncomfortable jailing garments.

“You want to stick with a public defender?”

Kuchel whispers to him. She shuffles her feet in her chair and gazes concerningly at her son. “I can help pay for a lawyer, baby boy. You know this.” Her hair is messily tied back. She is still wearing the dress from a day ago, evidence that she has been worried sick. Especially because Levi had been denied bail. He guesses Eren’s rather protective personality did not work out in the end. He wonders if all officers around the world are allowed to fiddle with the law like this.

“No,” Levi responds. “I can pay for one. Apparently, Roman’s a great liar.” He chuckles dryly. “Which is fucking great. Just what I need.” Kuchel nods her head and fiddles with her fingers. She glances around the visiting room and gazes at other visitors.

She smiles emptily.

“You know…” She starts. “I always thought I’d see you in jail with the way you fought in high school.” Kuchel scratches her ear. “Then you went to college and I thought I’d never see you in there. Now…here you are. It’s funny how life works.” She laughs. Levi watches her eyes wrinkle and laugh die out. “But for this? This?” She repeats. “I never even dreamed of it.”

He tries to lighten the mood. “At least it isn’t for drug –“

“If you get yourself stuck in here, Levi, I’ll never forgive you.”

Her words fade into a whisper. The shakiness in her voice is evident. “I’m not playing. I know what you’re doing.” She closes her eyes and tries to breathe evenly. “Don’t you fucking dare _give up_. I see it all in your face. I know you love that man, but you have people who love you more. People who love you in ways that don’t hurt, baby boy. _Please_.” She raises her hands and clasps them together.

She prays for him.

“Please. Do not be an idiot. This is real now, Levi. It got real the minute Isabel called the police.”

Levi watches his mother tremble. She bobs her head and whispers under her breath. He can see the tears bubbling in her eyes. Other visitors are staring at them, along with security, wondering what the noise is all about. As if they never experienced jail before. Sighing, Levi digs his hands into his lap and stares at the wooden table.

“Please get a lawyer. Promise me you will.” Kuchel mumbles. She finally looks up at him with reddened eyes. “Promise me.”

“I don’t need one.”

“Levi!” Her hand slams onto the table. An officer takes his lazy form off the wall. “This is _serious_!”

“I don’t need one.” Levi runs a hand down his face. His elbow connects with the wood and he bleeds all his body’s tension onto the table. Swallowing the lumps in his throat, Levi hides his face from his mother and utters his next words. “I have...um, voicemails.” She pauses her anger streak.

“Of him?”

“Yeah…and pictures. Saved on my email.” He whispers it so softly as if Roman was listening over his shoulder. Kuchel watches his nervous form. “I – don’t. Never mind. Just get the voicemails. Not the pictures, please.”

“…Pictures are going to help your case, Levi, believe it or not.”

“I know that.” He utters. “This isn’t about protecting him or anything like that. I don’t want the fucking pictures. That’s it.” His voice rises. Kuchel quirks an eyebrow at her son’s defensive words.

“We have seventy-two hours to figure this shit out. If you have pictures, they are fucking getting them! I refuse to let you get thrown in here because you’re too fucking stubborn!” Her mouth puckers as she speaks. She leans across the table as she angrily whispers to her son. “Put your pride aside for once and realize this situation is _domestic violence_. They will lock you up in a millisecond.”

“Do you want me to stay out of jail, or do you actually want to see me beaten on photo?” Levi snarls. “Bad enough I have to have those goddamn voicemails played for everyone to hear, and now you want photos? Maybe if those assholes did a medical check, they’d find out I have physical evidence right _fucking_ now.” He scoffs. “I have a left sunken cheek and three chipped teeth in the back because of him! But you need pictures!? Why?” His fist slams the bottom half of the table. “It’s right here!”

“They could blame that on anything.” Kuchel reluctantly murmurs. Her eyes flicker to Levi’s cheek, noticing the odd curvature and deepness. She swallows. “I’m trying to _help_ you.”

“I don’t even want this.” He shrugs his shoulders and spurs out a dry laugh. “If there was anything in my life I never wanted, it was _this_. I never wanted it to go this far. You know, I should of just –“ Levi sucks in a breath and recalls his sore knuckles.

Should have just let Roman hit him.

Should have never fought back.

“…I don’t know anymore.” He sighs. “I was happy when he was gone. I wanted him to disappear…like we never happened, so I wouldn’t have to deal with this _bullshit_.” A security officer connects eyes with him. Calmly, Levi averts his gaze and stares longingly at his mother.

“Now you want pictures. You want to see everything.” The ebony-haired male rocks his leg back and forth. “You can’t. I don’t want you too.”

“Why are you making this about me?” Kuchel interrupts. “This is about you. This is about you avoiding jail! Who gives a shit about how I feel!”

“I do!” He shouts. His knees hit the table. “You don’t need to know how it looked or felt! And I don’t want to be reminded of it! How would you feel, having dozens of people looking at your bloody face and _pitying_ you?”

Petra flashes through his head.

“And Roman going to jail. To jail. He doesn’t deserve that! I just wanted us to break up, like a _normal_ couple, like normal people. He doesn –“ Levi ceases his ranting and absorbs his mother’s wide eyes. He lowers his voice and blinks. “ -N – Never mind.” He drawls out.

They were never normal in the first place.

“…You’ve never acted like this before, Levi.” Kuchel speaks up after a few passing moments. Her face is wrinkled as she gapes at her own flesh and blood, staring as if he is a stranger. “This has you _fidgeting_. Your legs are shaking and you keep looking around. The way you’re talking…it’s not _you_.” She wipes her undereye and rubs away at the salty tear on her finger. “You’ve done…a great job at hiding this part of you. I never thought I’d see the day you would be so hysterical.”

“Is this entertaining to you or something?” He growls out.

“You’re going to need a lot of help when this is over, baby boy.” Her hand reaches over the table to lay over his own. She gently clenches his thumb and pinky finger together. “A therapist, psychiatrist, a friend –“ _Eren_. “ – someone. I don’t care what you say.”

“These nine years….” Her broken smile gnaws at him. “…have been _hard_ on you.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t figure it out.” Her body trembles. “I’m sorry I was so starstruck that I didn’t even notice. I’m sorry this is happening to you. If your dad was here –“ Her tone breaks apart. She covers her mouth. Tears flow over her nimble fingers. “ – this would have _never_ happened.” Her nails dig into her hair. She bawls. Her son observes her, reflecting over her words and contemplating their value.

He misses his dad so much. And now that Roman is gone, the holes he had filled in Levi’s soul are left vacant.

The same scars, made on August 24th, are reopened and eating at him. Roman had been his seal.

Someone who did not soothe his pain about his father, but made him _forget_ about it. 

He lived two different lives: one with his family (his father included) and one with Roman. Now his husband is gone, and all Levi can do is mourn the loss of two.

Instead of urging his family to not attend his trial, Levi accepts that they are going to be there.

His lawyer had already gathered all of the evidence, voicemails and pictures included and was excited about his case. Levi suffers through long talks where the male goes on and on about how things will play out. He fiddles with those poor-quality pictures of Levi’s bruised and swollen face, waving it around like candy.

Really, the only time his lawyer is remotely shocked is when he listens to the voicemails. He gives Levi this grim smile afterward, full of surprise and unease, and says, _“Well, you definitely have a case.”_

Yeah, no shit.

_“Should’ve let you die, fucking faggot. Let you go be with your half-breed dad. I wish, I fucking wish, I never met you. No one is ever going love you like me. No one! Might as well swallow those pills again. Better yet, I should come and blow a bullet through your fucking head for doing this.” _

His ex-husband’s voice through the recording emits an evil aura around the courtroom. Paper’s shuffle, breathes hitch, and sighs exhale. Levi stares down at his shoes. He doesn’t want to look back. Doesn’t want to see the look on everyone’s faces. Levi does, however, peer at Roman’s agitated form. The taller male’s hand is rubbing his forehead. Levi cannot see the look on his face.

_“I want you dead. I’m never going to forgive you for this. Kill yourself.”_

Those words cause Roman to gaze over. They stare at each other across the room. No one knows they are looking at each other, as they are too invested in the other voicemails Levi never got to hear. Roman’s eyes soften.

His eyebrows form a mountain and he smiles.

_‘I love you,’_ he mouths. His cheek is swollen. Bruises litter his face and neck.

Levi averts his eyes.

This love hurts. It always hurts.

“Levi Mallory-Ackerman.” The judge’s voice startles him. The shorter male glances at the woman a meter away. “These are voicemails from Roman Mallory - done somewhere between early December and early January. Am I correct?”

“Yes, your honor.” He drily responds. Not even thirty minutes in and he is sick of this ‘_your honor’_ bullshit.

“You also have pictures. When did this assault take place? Do you remember the date?” She wiggles her fingers at him. Levi swallows the building saliva in his throat. He shuffles on his feet. “Mr. Mallory-Ackerman?”

“Um,” He stutters. “Early June, I think.”

“Did you go to the hospital at all? Are there any records of you going to the hospital for these injuries?”

“No, your honor.” Levi licks his chapped lips. “I took care of it myself.”

“According to your testimony, you visited your mother over the summer. You stayed in her household, along with Mr. Roman Mallory. Questioning from your family says they have only seen you wounded when you came back from a visit in October. I will ask again, so I am not mistaken. Are these pictures from June or October?”

“June.” He grinds out.

“Inform me how the healing process occurred for these wounds.” She gestures the pictures laid in front of her. “After, I will confirm with Mr. Mallory if this is correct.”

“I slept. I didn’t use bandages. I stayed in my mother’s guest room for two weeks.” The judge raises an eyebrow. “I told my family I had food poisoning as an excuse.” She nods her head in understanding. She speaks to Roman, asking him to stand up and fix his posture. He does so with irritation. Levi fiddles with his fingers and refuses to look back. He wonders how his mother looks. How are Farlan and Isabel reacting?

Is Eren here?

“Two records of assault from Roman Mallory. Both proven by solid evidence and accuracy.” The judge vocalizes. “Before we come to a conclusion, I have some final questions for you, Levi Ackerman.” She says his name proudly. It makes the shorter’s back straighten and eyes widen.

“You did not offer a reason as to why you traveled back to New Orleans. By the logic of your case, I would assume it would be because of the domestic abuse. Can you clarify before I make my final decision? Please inform me why you traveled back to New Orleans, with no luggage or plan, in the middle of the night.”

She sits back, fingers intertwined and face curious. She knows he is holding back. Of course, she knows, she is a fucking judge. Levi takes a deep breath and stops fiddling with his hands. _‘Don’t look back,’_ He utters to himself. _‘Don’t lie.’_ He demands. _‘Tell the truth.’_ The male wipes his forehead and pushes back falling locks of hair.

“I tried to kill myself.” He blurts.

The sentence echoes in the small courtroom.

Roman bites his lip so hard that blood kisses his tongue.

The closure is tickling Levi’s fingertips.

Lay the truth out onto the table, pure and raw, and let that chapter close. The soft, delicate sound of a leather book’s completion is what closure sounds like. It feels like the lightness around his neck. It tastes and smells like blueberries.

“Oh my _god_…”

Two inches long of hair falls onto Eren’s knee. Jaw dropped, the bright-eyed male snatches the falling hair and rubs it between his fingers. The sky is dimming down, lacking chirping cicadas but making up for it with the tangerine horizon. Fireflies flicker through the backyard and attract themselves to Eren’s bicep. Eventually, the male catches one, and shows Levi before letting it fly away.

“You’re cutting a lot, Levi.” Eren whines. He wiggles from his position on the patio steps and digs his elbows into Levi’s thighs. Scowling, Levi opens his legs and watches Eren slouch against his stomach.

“I don’t _like_ short hair.”

“It’s not short.” His pale fingers tug the still relatively long hair. “You need to trim your ends. You’re not finna be walkin’ around this house lookin’ crazy.” Levi pushes Eren up and parts another section of his hair. It feels like silk in his hands before he touches the split ends. The paler male cuts the frazzled hair and ignores Eren’s painful groans. “Your hair smells good though.”

“Mhmm,” Eren hums. “Thank you. I’ve been using _Carol’s Daughter_. Expensive as hell, but it’s worth it.” Levi tilts his head backward and starts to work on the front of his hair. Eren lays his head on his thighs and licks his lips.

“’Em really likin’ this view.” He whispers. Levi ignores his comment and focuses on parting the male’s thick hair. A particular tug makes Eren yelp. “Ow!”

“It’s those split ends.”

“Will you stop blaming it on them? You just like causing me trouble.”

“Maybe.”

Two weeks after the trial passed.

Day three is where reality starts to hit him, and Levi makes an appointment to a psychiatrist. With two visits a week, Levi finds himself busy.

He has an interview Thursday. He guesses Hanji’s spontaneous job application worked out in the end.

Three days out of the week, Levi and Eren hang out outside in the backyard.

At the same time, same place, with the same environment.

Being busy keeps his mind off the fact Roman is currently in prison – serving three years and getting his pure record smashed to pieces.

Keeps his mind off the fact his mother won’t stop pestering about how his therapy is going. Or how she hides _Tylenol_ and _Ibuprofen _pills like they are crack cocaine.

“Hey, guys,”

Farlan knocks on the screen door, like the backyard is their room, and cocks his hip at their closeness. He hadn’t exactly been told about their relationship, but he has always been a good guesser.

“Isabel cooked chicken and green beans. It’s kind of gross, but don’t say it. She’s tryin’ her best.” He shrugs his shoulders. “_Anywayy_, I’m heading to bed. Make sure you lock this screen door when you done.” He shuts the door and strolls through the kitchen.

When Farlan started becoming a _Mom_, Levi had no idea.

“Speaking of chicken…” Eren starts. He grins up at Levi. “I’m going pure vegan.”

“Yeah, _right_.” He sarcastically responds.

“Don’t say it like that!” The taller male sits up and presses his back against Levi’s torso. “I’ve been lovin’ eggplant lately. You wanna do it with me?” He wiggles his eyebrows. Levi cannot help the chuckle emitting from him. Levi wraps his arms around his warm body and lays his chin on top of Eren’s head. “I can make you vegan burgers. We’ll have eggplant fries and peppermint soda.”

“Gross.”

“Mmm, yeah.” His gentle lips press a kiss against Levi’s arm. “_Gross_.” He repeats sensually. Scoffing, Levi pulls his arms away and leans backward on his hands. Eren pouts at the loss of contact. “You look good today.” He voices. Levi quirks an eyebrow and pushes hair out of his face. Eren peers back at him and rubs his knee comfortingly. “Gorgeous, even.”

“You say that every day.”

“Stop lookin’ good, then.” Eren turns sideways. “How’s the doctor?” He asks. Levi cocks his head and stares at the mildly cloudy sky.

“Fine. He laid out a bunch of cards and told me to choose which one represents my feelings.” In childish repute, Levi rolls his eyes. Eren laughs heartily. “I picked one and he said that was ‘_odd_.’ Told me I’ve been in a different headspace lately.” The shorter male wiggles his legs and itches behind his ear. “I swear he is a psychic.”

“What was the picture?” Eren scratches his head and scowls when he feels his hair still in a high ponytail. Taking the rubber band out, Levi becomes enamored at the view. His cocoa-colored strings of hair flow over his shoulders. His abalone-eyes, looking like rubies under the sky, glaze over at him. His heart thumps against his ribcage. Levi bites his lip and admires Eren’s gorgeous figure.

“It was water.” He finds the voice to speak. “You could see the ripples. It reminded me of this –“ He gestures the shell necklace. “ – had the same shimmer to it.” Eren hums and reaches over. He caresses the shell and pulls gently at Levi’s neck. Eager to follow, Levi lifts himself up and let’s Eren nuzzle the abalone with his thumb. “It was calming. The picture, I mean.”

“Water is calming.” Eren’s hands stroke his jaw next and leaves after rubbing his chin. “I’ve only seen the ocean a few times, but there is no place better. We should go sometime. Tomorrow?” Levi chuckles at Eren’s eagerness. Eren rambles on about what is the perfect time to go, and if they do go, they should do it on a really cold day so no one is there.

His innocent words cause Levi to reach over and kiss him endlessly.

It’s been three weeks since they’ve kissed, and Levi has missed it more than anything. He opens his mouth and licks at Eren’s dry lips. The younger male moans and separates. He goes back in with eyes closed, lips wet, and eager to taste. Levi listens to their soft kisses, escalating more and more into something more sexual, and disconnects once Eren’s tongue starts to make his legs tremble.

“You haven’t kissed me in a while.” Eren slurs. He licks his rosy red lips and grins. He wraps an arm around Levi’s waist and presses another kiss against his lips. “I missed it.”

“Sorry,” Levi whispers. After all that has happened, Eren has patience. He thanks the universe, God, or any other deity for gifting him with Eren. He does not deserve him, but he has him. 

“Don’t apologize.” Eren dismisses. “It all takes time.” Their mouths coalesce once more. Eren situates himself on his knees and lays the male over the wooden deck. Lathering his neck in kisses, Levi wonders if they’re going to have sex right on the porch. He hardly has time to deny or accept the activity with the way Eren opens his legs. He attempts to stifle a moan when their groins connect.

Despite Eren’s wishful grinding, his lips tell a different story. Levi indulges in their slow movements and takes deep breaths. Eren’s hazel hair tickles his cheek, so much so that Levi tugs it back and wraps his legs around the male’s hips. “_Eren_…” He manages to whisper when they part. Maybe it’s the grinding, or the way Eren whispers love letters with his mouth, or possibly his visit with the psychiatrist – but the words flow out before he understands what he is saying. “I think I…” He moans when the male starts to kiss his neck. “Lov –“

“Oh shit!”

His eyes jump open. Eren snatches Levi’s body and rolls them over. Now on top of him, Levi gapes at his surroundings and wonders what the _fuck_ just happened. Eren places his hands protectively around his waist and attempts to get up. As if he could stand up while carrying Levi at the same time.

“Look!” He whispers. Levi bends his knees and wipes dust off his back.

“What the fuck, Eren, I was about to say something romantic –“

“Possums!”

His finger points to the far-right side of the deck.

A snow-white face. A bubble-gum nose. Gray and white fur. Ears shaped like the moon.

Yep, that is a fucking possum.

“Didn’t you get rid of them?” Levi questions. The possum makes eye contact with them. The two stay deadly still, not willing to agitate the animal. Eren places his hand on Levi’s lower back.

“I thought they died. Is it the same one?”

“I don’t know! You’re the one with the pictures.”

“You’re right.” Eren squeezes the space between his eyes and sighs. “Alright, I need to go get my camera. Keep watch, okay!” As if he is going off to the war, Eren gives him a large smooch on his cheek. “_Be safe_.” The male slyly enters the house and runs upstairs.

The two stare at each other. Levi cocks a hip and glares at the animal. “You’re still ugly, you know?” He utters. The possum wiggles its nose and blinks its onyx eyes. “Can’t believe you ruined it for me.” Levi tsks. “Right when I had the balls to say it.” He crosses his arms childishly. The possum’s ears twitch, and soon enough, it runs off. Levi watches the animal squeeze through the backyards fencing.

The possums are back, he guesses, with a vengeance indeed.

“I’m back! Okay – Wh-Where did it go!?” Eren’s jaw drops when he sees the possum has disappeared. He looks at Levi like he is crazy. “You were _supposed_ to keep watch.”

“I’m not touching that rat.” Levi snatches his camera and hides it behind his back. “Let’s go upstairs. I need to tell you something.” He snatches Eren’s shirt and tugs. Eren pauses, then grins.

“Something unholy?” Eren’s full attention is now on him. Levi rolls his eyes. So much for being _romantic_.

“Maybe.”

“Say no more.”

I dream of mountains that night - covered in melting snow that forms a stretched river.

Tomorrow comes, and we see the sea. Eren throws blankets and stolen pillows from Farlan in his beat-up truck. We watch the sun beam on the water. I admire the pearly, holographic look of it all.

With the number of times I’ve seen it in Australia, one would think I’d be sick of it.

But Eren shines when he sees it.

He sees a world that is different than mine. I want to _live_ in it. Though I’ve been stuck in my own, whenever I gaze into Eren’s abalone-irises, I experience what it is like to live full of joy.

And freedom.

Eren reminds me of rain, geysers, lakes, lagoons, and hurricanes. He reminds me of baths and showers. Now when I hear droplets of water or the hammering of rain – I think of him.

And all the love he flows into me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, i already miss this story :(  
but i do have good news!  
i might continue this in the future...? let me explain:
> 
> Based on the content of reviews + DMs on my Instagram over the last couple of chapters, I've been getting a lot of feedback asking what is Eren's story. Um, so when I originally created this story, I intended to simplify Eren even though I had already created a backstory for him. I knew this was going to be a short story and I didn't really have time to thaw out his life. Instead, I dropped subtle hints about his issues throughout the fic and left it up for interpretation. 
> 
> Now that I'm at the end, I'm realizing that dropping those hints only made many much more curious about Eren. I always had this certain type of view about Eren, and I realize you guys don't have that because you don't know his backstory.
> 
> That being said - there might be an extra five chapters added to this story in the future, lmao. If I did decide to do this, I would only let you guys know when I'm completely finished and I would mass post (like what I doing now). The chapters would be completely based on Eren and include a brief time skip (five to seven months). It would dive deep into Eren and Levi's relationship and reveal a lot of Eren's character. 
> 
> Other than that, my next goal is to finish TNF (The Nuclear Family)! I have an army of people ready to drag me through the mud if I don't continue it! Besides, I'm excited to get back to Eren and Levi in a romatic-comedy context. I have some jokes I'm ready to spill, haha. 
> 
> I want to thank every single person who reviewed, kudo'd, and bookmarked my story. I looked at every. single. one. Not kidding. Your support has gifted me with so much confidence and love for writing. If I could do this forever, I would.
> 
> See you next time. :)

**Author's Note:**

> Instagram: Iamkloue (I post cute update videos here)  
Tumblr: Klouee
> 
> I love long reviews! Tell me what you think! ;)


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